mother in Law grrrrr!!!!

Fosterdog

How is she reading these letters from his school bag unless she is picking him up from school? Wouldn't it be easier to always check his bag and take letters out so she can't read them?

Do your parents gave other grandchildren? Does she have others? Is it possible she is lonely? Your parents have each other, her ex husband is remarried is she single?

Mr.Generous

just some advice from someone who did let relative (step mum) keep putting her nose in and change arrangements etc. For my dad's sake we (Brother, sister and I) tried to grit our teeth and not say anything every time she did really annoying stuff.
It got worse and worse, I wish I'd said something years ago. We all gradually cut ourselves off from our father because of stepmother, would have been much better if we had all spoken up. Don't let it fester. If she is allowed to do what she likes and dictate to you it will probably get worse.
Great thread post!

dodo01

Fosterdog wrote: »

How is she reading these letters from his school bag unless she is picking him up from school? Wouldn't it be easier to always check his bag and take letters out so she can't read them?

Do your parents gave other grandchildren? Does she have others? Is it possible she is lonely? Your parents have each other, her ex husband is remarried is she single?

She happened to pick him up one day last week as she had been away for a few weeks she offered to have him for an hour whilst I was at work so she could see him for a bit and save my Mum.He happened to have the letter/info regarding the event in his book back and she read it and obviously made a mental note.She also reads his reading diary and checks over his homework - that's the teacher in her I am sure of it.

missbiggles1

dodo01 wrote: »

He isn't four he is nearly ten..... He knows the whole family 'needs' to attend because he is a bright boy that knows that the other 4 grandparents don't know about it and its only Gran who is going..... It's not ticketed it's a first come first served event. At ten years old children also pick up when Gran doesn't like the much younger women who took her husband away.

Surely that's because the other 4 aren't interested enough to look at the school website and find out about things?

I don't think you need to be particularly perceptive to realise that most women "don't like" the younger woman that they've been left for - do you think she should pretend that she does?

Prothet_of_Doom

My mother is like your mother in law, painful to my wife, and unfortunately over the years it's just gone straight over my head, and most of it I've ignored because either I've got no back bone, or I stopped taking anything she did or said seriously at about the age of 13.
In my humble opinion, you should invite everyone, to everything insist that they give each other lifts to events that require it, and pretend like they are all friends together.

dodo01

Sorry meant to add he is the only grandchild. She has a 'friend'. She is not lonely she is a very social person who is always away or having social events with friends. So the issues here are something else. I can't put my finger on it. I just think she likes to control in a silent sneaky way.

Robisere

Speaking as a grandparent of 4, I have to say that your MIL sounds like my dd's. Fortunately, she now lives far enough away that dd's youngest does not see her, which is a relief to us all, especially dgd, who is 11, bright and cannot stand the old bat. dd's eldest is 22 and says she is fascinating, reminds him of Captain Mainwaring in Dad's Army!

As each of our grandbrats were going through school, we always got involved in Parents evenings, school shows, panto's, plays, anything we could. BUT we always cleared this with parents first, and included the grandbrat in question. "Would you mind if we came?" If the answer had ever been "Yes" we would have stayed away, that is their right. However, we were never stopped and we had lots of great times in various school 'Do's'. So much so that I still visit one Primary school to read stories to the little ones. That is a big highlight of my week! I am, of course, properly vetted. I just love all those little faces, but the best part for me is when they ask questions, even invent alternative storylines, wonderful insight into a child's world. (One that my missus says I never left!)

Fosterdog

Or she genuinely dotes on him and wants to spend time with him and be there to watch events in his life such as a school concert. Just because she goes away a lot doesn't mean she doesn't care about him, and wants to spend more time with him when she us back.

When I worked in schools grandparents attended these sort of things as often as parents, you might find on the day itself that there are many other grandparents attending. I don't see why you can't just let them all know when events are on and let them choose which ones to go to.

dodo01

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Surely that's because the other 4 aren't interested enough to look at the school website and find out about things?

I don't think you need to be particularly perceptive to realise that most women "don't like" the younger woman that they've been left for - do you think she should pretend that she does?

The other grandparents would not think to check on the school website of any upcoming events they would rely on myself or my husband to inform them of any stuff that involves little one that they could be involved in. We would contact them or my son would ring/speak to them and invite them.What did people do before the internet? It just seems that isn't enough for the Mother in Law to have to wait to be infopmed ,perhaps she just doesn't like to be dictated to and takes it upon herself which is what has led me to this post. Why should she be the one to invite herself? It's not her place surely? As for not liking the "other" women where did I mention that she should pretend anything? Of course she shouldn't thus why I tend to organise my family life around the little issues a lot of families endure. Sometimes just sometimes it's nice just to go with my husband and not have the others involved.

Andypandyboy

dodo01 wrote: »

She happened to pick him up one day last week as she had been away for a few weeks she offered to have him for an hour whilst I was at work so she could see him for a bit and save my Mum.He happened to have the letter/info regarding the event in his book back and she read it and obviously made a mental note.She also reads his reading diary and checks over his homework - that's the teacher in her I am sure of it.

Gosh, what comes across is your antipathy to this woman, and that you appear to be passing this onto your child. What woman would be amicable to the woman she was replaced by?

Grandparens are people too. when you are retired and free to travel at times what were previously unavailable to you ,would you want your love for your grandchild weighed against your availability for babysitting?

She cares enough to want to be involved. Your mum is not in competition with her, don't view it that way. Embrace all those who love your kids and don't make your husband push her away, that isn't kind or loving.