Screwed up big time

Guest101

Lostinhere wrote: »

Wow you have no idea do you? - No idea whatsoever

Yes he hadn't beat me for 6 years but it was only 6 months ago he smashed and I mean smashed the house up, police called etc... - And then nothing happened. He's threatened to smash my phone, knock me out etc, - So why are you still there?! he punched a window through a few months back and called me a !!!!ing !!!!! in front of kids and neighbour.... - So why were you fighting to save this 'marriage'

I gave you an example of undermining but it isn't just that, if I tell dd not to do something hell laugh and tell her to, no matter how bad it is, if I discipline her he undoes it to spite me, eg you don't need a time out - That's no reason to not allow contact. You parent your way, he does his way.

For the last time, my cctv is legal as it covers the front outside my house and given that the police are aware of it (they copied some for a burglary over the road) and ok with it, there's no issue but yes you can see if people walk left or right or go down the shared steps to next door. - It is not legal. The police will still take any evidence they can. BUT your CCTV does not comply with the data protection act.

If I am out and return to a car on my drive, as I have many times, I check cctv. Or are you suggesting I sit by the window til they leave?! Rather than knock if it's next door or over the road?! - How about a note?

If a child watches her father ignore her mother non stop, or alternatively call her mother a disgusting animal - Dogs aren't disgusting and shout and swear at her, is that the mothers fault? - No that's his fault. I'm sure he'd have an example which was your fault. It's both your fault, you both behave badly.

I am not playing the victim at all, I begged and pleaded for forgiveness over the debt, nothing more can be done about it
I have never shouted or made comments or anything negative in front of the children - Ok? There are other ways to cause issues

If I want to check my cctv in front of her then why the hell not? Why eould I wait til she's in bed to get the car moved? Don't be ridiculous!!!

OK, im the one being ridiculous

Lostinhere

Talking to my friend has made me realise it's not me, I haven't done anything to make him like this and my children don't deserve to lose their home, him leaving is the right thing to do, he is the perpetrator in all this, his daily behaviour is what caused it all in the first place, the debt was after

Guest101

Lostinhere wrote: »

What I said is that he changed cctv password to stop me seeing if he brings anyone round or when he comes and goes. Correct. To wind me up or make me paranoid, and to stop me deleting cctv so that he can see when j come and go or have people round. He wants to control it

I have never checked up on him.

Are you having an affair? If not, then why does this matter?

Guest101

Lostinhere wrote: »

Talking to my friend has made me realise it's not me, I haven't done anything to make him like this and my children don't deserve to lose their home, him leaving is the right thing to do, he is the perpetrator in all this, his daily behaviour is what caused it all in the first place, the debt was after

Yes talking to a friend often does this...

Guest101

Lostinhere wrote: »

And no it's not in my head that he might steal stuff, he stole my hard drive with all the baby photos on or did u miss that?

I didn't miss it, it's just too minor a thing to warrant mentioning

Lostinhere

Guest101 - could you be more wrong?

Did I say he called me a dog? No, I said he called me a dusgusting animal, literally those words along with a !!!!!, slag and various others in front of the kids.

Nothing happened when he smashed the house up other than the police removed him to calm down because he told me to lie and say we were doing diy and blame the neighbours for being spiteful, which I did because of how angry he was and the things he threatened.

I have left notes on the cars and they get ignored, they only get moved when I ask in person and !!!!!! if I want to check my cctv of my drive then I have every right to!!!!

How do I behave badly and when did I say I wouldn't allow contact?! I literally spend my life in my room when the kids are in bed to avoid him

Lostinhere

The cctv is about control, no I'm not having an affair, it's about him controlling me - he can watch me I can't watch him

The hard drive is not minor, it has my life on and he took it, knowing most baby photos and all videos arm not backed up.

d70cw6

wow you're husband sounds like a saint. you should be ashamed.

Guest101

Lostinhere wrote: »

Guest101 - could you be more wrong? I'm sure I could be a lot more 'wrong'

Did I say he called me a dog? No, I said he called me a dusgusting animal, literally those words along with a !!!!!, slag and various others in front of the kids. - I presumed the 5 exclamation marks, masked a word which begins with B. As that would have made sense, in the context of the animal remark

Nothing happened when he smashed the house up other than the police removed him to calm down because he told me to lie and say we were doing diy and blame the neighbours for being spiteful, which I did because of how angry he was and the things he threatened. - Come on now, stop treating people like idiots. If he smashed up the house its hardly going to look like DIY.

I have left notes on the cars and they get ignored, they only get moved when I ask in person and !!!!!! if I want to check my cctv of my drive then I have every right to!!!! - You're creating drama for yourself. I've never, ever seen anything like it.

How do I behave badly and when did I say I wouldn't allow contact?! I literally spend my life in my room when the kids are in bed to avoid him

You behave like a saint, I take it all back

paddy's_mum

I feel your hurt and confusion, really I do. I've been there and done that but nobody can alter anything except you. Until YOU decide that it must come to an end, this will just carry on getting worse and worse - it could conceivably end in tragedy.

Had you considered that there is inherent danger in the way you are all living in a tinderbox?

I'm out now as this thread is just repeating the same thing over and over. I wish all of you well.