Screwed up big time

Guest101

Lostinhere wrote: »

No I don't have any one to babysit unfortunately.

Why am I not entitled to visit the doctor when I choose? Like I said, I cannot always take the baby because of some of the things I go for...not often I don't take her but sometimes I can't. I don't need to justify myself about it, there are times I need to go alone and those times I have to go when the kids are in bed as I have no one to babysit. If I moved I would have my sister to babysit.

No no, you're entitled, very entitled.


See a reasonable person would think: The GP is opening late for all those working people, so they don't need to take (unpaid) time off to get medical help.


I wont use those slots. I'll use the ones that are there for people in my situation.


You said 9/10 you take the kids anyway, so 9/10 you don't need an evening appointment.

pigpen

Guest101 wrote: »

You said 9/10 you take the kids anyway, so 9/10 you don't need an evening appointment.

And do people really go to the GP that often?? I've been twice in the last 10 years.. mainly because they refuse to give me an appointment when I ring.. but still..

My sister when having treatment for pre-cancerous cells went once every 3 months.. unless someone is a total drama llama they wouldn't go *that* often surely?

LannieDuck

pigpen wrote: »

And do people really go to the GP that often?? I've been twice in the last 10 years.. mainly because they refuse to give me an appointment when I ring.. but still..

My sister when having treatment for pre-cancerous cells went once every 3 months.. unless someone is a total drama llama they wouldn't go *that* often surely?

I lost track of the number of times I went to the GP when I was on mat leave after DD2. Mind you, I had three times as many appointments to attend - mine, DD1 and DD2. I also had two issues that I'd delayed getting sorted out while I was pregnant, plus the aftermath of a burst appendix at 36 wks pregnant.

But that was an unusual year :eek:

Guest101

pigpen wrote: »

And do people really go to the GP that often?? I've been twice in the last 10 years.. mainly because they refuse to give me an appointment when I ring.. but still..

My sister when having treatment for pre-cancerous cells went once every 3 months.. unless someone is a total drama llama they wouldn't go *that* often surely?

I'd expect the children to be more regular attendees than the parent, but every situation varies.


Absolutely agree though, a lot of people misuse the service and go for every little thing. (not saying the OP is doing that)

Lostinhere

I'm not going to justify my medical history but suffice to say I do go more often than most people and on some of these occasions it is not possible to take the baby. Thanks to the posters who agreed that it is difficult to take children. It's also not appropriate in my situation

foxtrotoscar_2

There comes a time when it's wise to cut your losses and move on. I'm not even sure you know what you want.

suki1964

Op. I think it's time you walk away from this thread. You aren't getting any further advice then you got a few days ago - cab etc

Now the thread is descending into nit picking and unless you ae enjoying the drama it is wiser to walk away and sort out what you need to do

Good luck

FBaby

OP, I know it sounds like you are now in defensive mode and it is probably not helping your situation. You are staying on this thread though, so good on you for that.

It sounds like there have been issues in your marriage long before this exploded and I think there was a key factor in this, and that your lack of taking control and responsibility over matters. There is a trend that is really coming across in your post and that your passivity in everything happening to you. You can't get a job, it's not your fault, you got into debt, it's not your fault, you didn't tell your OH, it's not your fault, he won't talk to you now, it's not your fault.

I think you are very passive aggressive, having relied on your OH to make all the decision, and then blaming him for everything because nothing was your fault. I can see how this would have led him feeling trapped and under pressure, resulting in him desperately needing to escape.

You act like a victim because he never does anything with the kids. Why didn't you take action? You should have organised to go out and then tell your OH that was your plan and that's that. Yes, he would have been annoyed to start with, but he might then have opened his eyes to the fact that it was his responsibility too.

He didn't want you to take a job to repay the debts? You should have said that you considered it essential that these were repaid and therefore was going to get a job, whether he liked it or not. Again, he might have made a bit of a fuss, but I bet he would been delighted to share that responsibility.

I think you are scared to go alone because you are scared to take control of your life and made decisions. I think it is why you are only considering moving close to your family.

I expect the best thing you could do for yourself is to take hold of your life and depend on yourself and yourself only. You will then be much happier and confident, which in turn will mean more secure in any future relationship. As it is, I can't see your marriage getting any better as I suspect the issues have been there for many years, even if not voice.

Skylar34

Op I really do feel for you in this situation as you are stuck between a rock and hard place and can't see the wood for the tree's right now and all the time you are living in it the confusion will remain.


I think if you are brutally honest with yourself you know the choice you want to make but you are too scared to make it, scared of a future without him in it and worried how you will cope with 2 little ones on your own? no one has a crystal ball and can predict what the future could hold but think about the way life would be if you stay, do you really want another 5,10,15 years of blame as you know this will not go away and it will always be your fault, no support, no loving relationship, children growing up in a home where Mum and Dad hardly talk or have a kind word to say about each other?


The alternative is you take that leap and yes it may be a struggle for a while but you raise your children without walking on eggshells, without asking cap in hand for money to feed them with, without the fear of him smashing the house up while they are in bed or turning the telly up full volume to scare you into submission etc and gradually you learn to smile again, to achieve things for yourself and be the person you want to be and who knows you could eventually meet someone else.


No one but you can decide the best outcome but think about your children and the future they deserve and then think about what you really want out of life.


I am not for a second excusing the fact that he is downright angry right now about the debt but rather than sit and discuss it like adults he chooses to give you the silent treatment and bury his head in the sand to the whole situation living in this limbo like state.


Am not raising this to cause upset but the going out all the time just seems odd and not even saying goodbye or letting you know his plans etc this suggests to me they are the actions of someone who is possibly hiding something or does not wish to spend time at home, they are not the actions of a supporting, respectful and loving person. No reason why people can't go out am not saying that but when you are in a healthy relationship its not too much to say to the other person that you have made or are making plans to go out on x,y or z day, its about respect and there seems to be none here.


I don't ask this lightly or want to make accusations etc but is there a possibility he could have been having an affair? and the "friend" was acting as a cover up or out with the friend in bars/clubs acting the single man? or and this is a long shot but something going on with this male friend? sounds odd I know but you hear of these things happening.


It just seems odd to me that he would be willing to put this so called friend who apparently is not that much of a friend above and beyond his wife and children, to totally disregard your 10 year anniversary to go out with this friend and the night after your treatment to see him too.


What was the friend like when you met him? I do wonder if part of his current behaviour is not just about the debt but something to do with this friend as well as it seems convenient that he has not seen him for several weeks.


Maybe I am reading too much into it but switching the phone off would concern me, what if there had been an emergency and you or the children needed to get to hospital? and why the secrecy and him not wanting you to know his whereabouts? his behaviour and actions are not those of a happy balanced person, the avoiding you, the can't be bothered with the kids etc


I think for now you need to concentrate on keeping things going for the sake of your children and your own sanity, take it hour by hour, almost on autopilot, leave him be as he obviously does not wish to talk or resolve right now.


I am not excusing the debt factor and I totally get why he is angry but neither should his behaviour be excused, here is a man doing as he pleases with blatant disregard for anyone else including his own offspring


The future may seem scary but the current situation is toxic and no good for any of you, none of you are happy, something needs to change. You have that power in your hands to make that change...if you want to.

meer53

OP, time to stop making excuses and do something. I've been a single Mum since my daughter was 2, it is entirely possible to work and bring up children. I worked part time whilst the kids were at school and then full time, plus as many hours overtime as i can now they're older. Millions of single parents do it, you're just putting up obstacles to every suggestion anyone makes. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept that things need to change.