Screwed up big time

Lostinhere

No, if I gave him notice he would go out straight from work so I couldn't go. If I didn't give notice he'd just walk out so I couldn't go. Just out of spite really.

It only got like this when he met his friend, that's why I want to save it, I think we could both change

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Lostinhere wrote: »

I'm grateful to hear so many views.

The 19k really wasn't enough, I'd given up work, we had a large mortgage (700 per month), baby stuff to buy, bills etc... I hadn't been able to work since I got pregnant (bed rest for medical reasons) so we didn't even have savings.... Yes it was stupid

He gave me a grand for all bills (just shy of 800) plus food, petrol everything, whereas normally we would have another grand of his salary to help cover bills etc so it is a struggle especially as he won't give me any more...

Lostinhere wrote: »

Guest101 - !!!!!!!!!

I didn't falsify anything, he applied for the cards and allowed me to use them, he just didn't realise to what extent, also some were mine.

Yes he can afford our 450mortgage and his own property, he gets 2000 a month sometimes more and the mortgage would be in lieu of child support.

Yes we have a dmp but if we split I have no income so I would then need a debt relief order. Atm all his wages and my benefits (child benefit) go into same account and dmp is paid from it (yes his wages pay it but he pays for everything as I don't work)

Yes with tax credits and income support I could afford to stay put.

Make up your mind - is it a 'large mortgage' of less than it costs to rent a two bedroomed flat in Outer London - or is it about the same as social housing rents?

And you couldn't manage on £19K, never mind £30K to repay it sooner? £19K results in a takehome of around £1350/month. Add Child Benefit, the wages you earned at the time before giving up work, and it would have been easy enough. You'd have also qualified for tax credits at the very least once you stopped working. If he earns £30K now, he only gets £2000/month, so you've been taking every penny he earns 'for bills and food'?



I'm detecting a slight whiff of bovine produced isolaveric acid and butyric acid, together with some 4-methylphenol and a few other aromatic compounds such as ammonia, methane and hydrogen sulphide.

:cool:

lozzy81

I am sorry but you do not have a marriage here to save, it is not going to happen.

You need to go and speak with Shelter and CAB first thing tomorrow morning and start the ball rolling.... a man who would go out after work "out of spite" so his wife could not enjoy herself or see friends? why would you think this is worth saving?

re read your own thread and take a step back and look at this with fresh eyes... your children are still young enough to adapt without lasting damage and make new friends in new schools.

I do not know how much tax credits are but lots of single parents manage and with help from this forum you will be off to a good start

Good luck

Lostinhere

The mortgage we had at the time I gave up work was large. I gave up work when pregnant so I had no wages to repay it. The debt began when I left work and dh earned 29k

We've since moved and had another child, our new mortgage is 450. He now earns 2000+ of which we pay mortgage bills shopping and dmp. Our bills are more expensive in this area by a lot, we are comfortable now compared to before which is why we can afford the dmp

Lostinhere

19 not 29, typo

balletshoes

Lostinhere wrote: »

Just to add, i have no family I can stay with. The only relation I have who is not estranged is my sister and she lives in a 1 bed flat with her baby and hubby 50 miles away. Dh has no one

if my sister was so unhappy and contemplating separating from her husband and needed somewhere to stay temporarily with the kids so she could get some breathing space, I'd be happy to have her stay with me, even if I lived in a one-bed flat with already 3 of us living there. Your child is 6, its nearly the end of the school year, SATs are over, if you really wanted to start the separating process, its certainly doable to take the first practical steps.

balletshoes

Lostinhere wrote: »

No, if I gave him notice he would go out straight from work so I couldn't go. If I didn't give notice he'd just walk out so I couldn't go. Just out of spite really.

It only got like this when he met his friend, that's why I want to save it, I think we could both change

I doubt it, I really do, and you can't put the blame on anyone else outside the relationship, change would need to come from both of you, both of you would need to want to change, and thats just not going to happen.

Lostinhere

I'm sure my sister would let me stay a week but I can't drive 4 hours a day for the school run! I am considering it though.

I do want to change and I'm sure if he calmed down and we discussed it that we could sort it out, but he won't listen or sit down to talk ever

justme111

Lostinhere wrote: »

No, if I gave him notice he would go out straight from work so I couldn't go. If I didn't give notice he'd just walk out so I couldn't go. Just out of spite really.

It only got like this when he met his friend, that's why I want to save it, I think we could both change

So you have not been out since the first child was born but he became "like that " only since he met his friend? It does not tally up.
Look , if you indeed have not been out since the first child was born and are always with children then it is very sick situation in which you guaranteed not to think straight and not to do anything right.
From what you write here ( and how you blank out what would be difficult for you to reply) you would benefit from a good deal of counselling before doing or saying anything at all.

ecgirl07

Lostinhere wrote: »

I'm sure my sister would let me stay a week but I can't drive 4 hours a day for the school run! I am considering it though.

I do want to change and I'm sure if he calmed down and we discussed it that we could sort it out, but he won't listen or sit down to talk ever

You have given reasons why you want to stay, what reasons would he give to stay?