Screwed up big time

justme111

Pixie5740 wrote: »

and no more talk of contact centers or "special places" to the children.

Op does not believe it was wrong to talk to them about it in the first place .

Lostinhere

What do I do? Dd only has 5 weeks of school left, if I'm moving I need to let that school know (so she can say goodbye) and I need to sort out a new school, either local (if not divorcing) or in my home town. I don't have much time.

Last time we spoke he refused to leave or talk to me until the house was sold. He won't file for divorce either.

I just want to sit and talk but he's decided he's perfect and it's all my fault so he won't talk to me

Mojisola

Lostinhere wrote: »

What do I do? Dd only has 5 weeks of school left, if I'm moving I need to let that school know (so she can say goodbye) and I need to sort out a new school, either local (if not divorcing) or in my home town. I don't have much time.

Last time we spoke he refused to leave or talk to me until the house was sold. He won't file for divorce either.

I just want to sit and talk but he's decided he's perfect and it's all my fault so he won't talk to me

You know this isn't going anywhere. The relationship hasn't been good for years - if it was, you'd have been able to discuss the money problems before secretly getting into debt.

Get out and move to where you have family support and where the children can have a new start.

pigpen

Why can't you start divorce proceedings yourself? Or are you trying to paint him blacker than you already have? So you can pity party because 'he divorced you' .. you clearly want a divorce so just get on with it.. move out and get on with moving your life forward.. you have added nothing new to any of your arguments, not answered important questions such as the names the debts are in, and are just repeating yourself.. just grow a pair and make a move towards making your life what you want it to be. He has broken your marriage with his behaviour and you have broken it with your lies and deceipt.. that is the foundation of this.. now you need to deal with the fallout.

Bear in mind you will need to adjust your DMP in line with your changed income.

you need a house before you can move and a deposit.. so get that sorted first. then you start thinking about schools etc.

Tiddlywinks

How can anyone here tell you what to do?

Why not talk to a solicitor - have him/her write to your OH asking his intentions for the future - if your really want an answer right now.

justme111

Everybody told you what to do - talk to Shelter, woman's aid , solicitors, find out what your options are and plan from there.
Twiddly, I do not think op wants divorce.
She does not even know what to do with herself if not sitting on the sofa next to him ; she has no idea of what she would live on and where and where to start.
Op , you do not need to move out tomorrow and giving notice at school or filing for divorce is not a priority. Talk to the agencies we named and make a plan.

Lostinhere

I don't want a divorce and I can't afford to pay for it. Even if I could, he would defend it and drag it through court to see if he could avoid paying me anything.

How can I possibly move when I have no one who can put us up even for a night, no income other than child benefit and he refuses to give me a single penny? Let alone the cost of buying the stuff he refuses to let me take like bed etc.

I feel stuck, he'd ignore a letter from a solicitor. Debt in both names. I don't even know how to pay the bills next week!

If it went to court I would get the house and as revenge he would smash it up and or take things I can't afford to replace. If the house was sold we'd be lucky to get 3 grand each not counting court costs either.

I just don't know whether to try to talk to him, carry on ignoring him or leave.

If I leave he will blame me for leaving but if I stay it's awful

Mojisola

Lostinhere wrote: »

I just don't know whether to try to talk to him, carry on ignoring him or leave.

If I leave he will blame me for leaving but if I stay it's awful

justme111 wrote: »

Everybody told you what to do - talk to Shelter, woman's aid , solicitors and plan from there.

You can't carry on as you are so you have to start making changes.

Have you followed any of the suggestions?

justme111

[QUOTE=Lostinhere;70871977

I just want to sit and talk but he's decided he's perfect and it's all my fault so he won't talk to me[/QUOTE]
you do not need to sit and talk. Either you live as before just with a correction - as if he was not there or you go and talk to cab , womans aid , shelter , solicitors .

Lostinhere

I spoke to z solicitor this morning just to see where I stand even though it's not what I want.

She said I would get the house til baby is 18, he would have to pay maintenance (400) but could pay mortgage in lieu of this. I could also ask for spousal maintenance. I wouldn't have enough income to pay debt so I would have to get a debt relief order.

None of that helps me save my marriage.