Babies and toddlers - do they mix?

GwylimT

I wouldn't take my toddler to see such a young baby, he is after all a germ machine, I would rather go on my own, otherwise all you're doing is making sure your toddler doesn't kill anyone or break anything, but in someone elses house.

lulu_92

GwylimT wrote: »

I wouldn't take my toddler to see such a young baby, he is after all a germ machine, I would rather go on my own, otherwise all you're doing is making sure your toddler doesn't kill anyone or break anything, but in someone elses house.

I didn't think of that, but I don't think they have either as they only say that their children wouldn't behave, and nothing about germs or toddler proofing, which would be more understandable.

They both get a lot of "baby free" time every week, but they choose to use it to meet up with each other for coffee, literally around the corner from my house.

To be fair I should have seen it coming. I was on maternity leave for three weeks before I gave birth, and they were always "too busy" to meet up with me, either at my home, theirs or wherever was convenient for them, but never too busy to meet up with each other almost every day.

FBaby

We do really want to see you and the babies but our children would be little terrors around babies that small!

I had two children and I'm afraid I don't understand the meaning of this comment? Little terrors in which way? Surely you are not going to let them in charge of your newborns, surely they might visit when the babies are sleeping in another room or even if in the room, it's not that hard to supervise 1 year old so they don't touch a newborn. How do parents of siblings of that age difference cope?

And indeed, if they have children free time, why don't they come then?

It sounds to me like they are using this as an excuse, because they don't want to tell you that they have busy lives and other plans. 6 weeks might feel a long time to you, but maybe not to them. How often did you use to meet before?

balletshoes

lulu_92 wrote: »

I do want to but I really don't want to cause a falling out. I think that no matter how I approach it I'll either be told that I don't know what it is like to have a one year old child (although neither of them know what it's like to have two newborns!), or that I am questioning their parenting skills.
As much as I love them they get defensive very fast.

As all of this has been in a group text message so far I have left it with me saying that my children don't use dummies so they can't be pulled out :rotfl::rotfl:

thats all a potentially explosive mix then isn't it, I'd keep it casual, mention soft play or maybe just a walk in the park, buggies included, just to have some time together (yes, I know the mums of the one-year olds will need to have eyes in the backs of their heads but they must be used to it by now, surely ). They are right in one respect, babies are harder work when they're mobile!

Have you specifically suggested you meet up with them next time they're having coffee together without their children?

Kynthia

I'm sorry. It's a rubbish feeling when friends don't seem interested in spending time with you. Especially as maternity leave can be lonely and hard work. Give them a date when they are child free to come around for a coffee and then leave it if they don't take up your offer.

Do you have an NCT group you can meet up with? Locally there will be local NCT bumps and baby classes or buggy walks you can go on. Plus children's centre and the library have activities on to help you get out and meet others.

FBaby

Another thought is that they might be worried you will be too wrapped up looking after your babies and not being able to spend time with them?

I remember one time when a friend of mine came over. We hadn't seen each other for some time and really looked forward to do so. It all started well, talking about old time, but it only lasted about 10 minutes until my baby started to cry whilst my oldest woke up from her nap making demands and before I knew it, I was trying to manage the situation and putting my friend aside whilst doing so. I kept apologising, she kept saying it was ok, I kept trying to sort my two as quickly as possible so we could resume our discussion, but after an hour of being constantly distracted, she understandably gave up and said she would come back soon. Instead, she always hinted that it would be nice to get together when my OH could look after the kids.

Person_one

lulu_92 wrote: »

They both get a lot of "baby free" time every week, but they choose to use it to meet up with each other for coffee, literally around the corner from my house.

To be fair I should have seen it coming. I was on maternity leave for three weeks before I gave birth, and they were always "too busy" to meet up with me, either at my home, theirs or wherever was convenient for them, but never too busy to meet up with each other almost every day.

Is it possible that these friendships are drifting a bit anyway?

rach_k

It sounds like a (rubbish) excuse to me. Of course you wouldn't leave a one year old alone with a baby but with three parents, two one year olds and two babies, there would be plenty of adults present to prevent hair pulling/eye-gouging/screeching in the baby's face etc, if indeed that is a problem.

I think I would make one more attempt at arranging something - perhaps saying that X would be a good time as the babies are likely to be asleep then so could be in moses baskets/another room/pram etc out of reach and say that you're really not worried about the toddlers around your babies - but if they still don't want to meet I'd just leave it.

Mrshaworth2b

Maybe I'm getting cynical but I wouldon't waste my energy with them. If they didn't make the effort before you had the babies and now they're not making the effort now the babies are here then they obviously don't care enough about the friendship.

I would be thinking, my friends want to see me and have older children, let's meet somewhere that the older children can play and me and my friends get to chat. I have to say though I meet regularly with mum's with children of all ages and apart from the odd instance of trying to grab my youngest they have all been well behaved. I have had a one year old and although willful, he still understood that you don't try to damage a baby. So for me it lies with your friends, not the one year old's.

lulu_92

balletshoes wrote: »

Have you specifically suggested you meet up with them next time they're having coffee together without their children?

Yes, especially in the three weeks before I gave birth, but all they wanted to do was things I couldn't take part in because I was pregnant (rollerskating and getting drunk)

Kynthia wrote: »

Do you have an NCT group you can meet up with? Locally there will be local NCT bumps and baby classes or buggy walks you can go on. Plus children's centre and the library have activities on to help you get out and meet others.

No NCT groups near me, but there is a multiples group in the area, although I cannot attend until August as it is a bit too far to walk and I'm not insured on the big car until then (I only have a Citroen C1!) I will be attending as soon as I can

FBaby wrote: »

Another thought is that they might be worried you will be too wrapped up looking after your babies and not being able to spend time with them?

I remember one time when a friend of mine came over. We hadn't seen each other for some time and really looked forward to do so. It all started well, talking about old time, but it only lasted about 10 minutes until my baby started to cry whilst my oldest woke up from her nap making demands and before I knew it, I was trying to manage the situation and putting my friend aside whilst doing so. I kept apologising, she kept saying it was ok, I kept trying to sort my two as quickly as possible so we could resume our discussion, but after an hour of being constantly distracted, she understandably gave up and said she would come back soon. Instead, she always hinted that it would be nice to get together when my OH could look after the kids.

You make a good point. One of them came over for an hour or so when the twins were a week old but wasn't phased when they cried. My girls are very content, happy babies so they only cry when they need feeding, and I arranged the visit around that.

Person_one wrote: »

Is it possible that these friendships are drifting a bit anyway?

This has certainly given me the impression from their side, at least.