Babies and toddlers - do they mix?

lulu_92

I have 6 week old twins, and when I was pregnant two of my best friends wouldn't stop talking about how excited they were to meet the babies and how wonderful it all is. Both of them have 1 year olds so they were saying how they knew what I would be going through and they were so happy for me to experience motherhood.

Since I've had the girls I've seen them both once (one at a few days old, the other wouldn't have seen them had I not attended her wedding!). I totally understand people have their own lives and kids are a handful, but every time I suggest meeting up they say "Oh I can't because my child would be a nightmare around babies!" And that "when your two turn one you'll understand!"

Is this typical of one year olds to be like that? Or are they making excuses/overreacting?

LilElvis

I guess they know their own children, but I am surprised. Most children I know of that age regularly interact with others from new born to preschool age at assorted baby and toddler groups/soft play etc. They are at an age when they will need a close eye kept on them as they will be at the cruising/early walking stage so can get into everything much quicker than when crawling. If you are suggesting meeting at yours then it probably hasn't been "toddler-proofed" yet so that could be a risk for injury to them and damage to your home. Perhaps offer to meet them at a soft play place where there is stuff to keep a toddler safely entertained so that the Mums are free to chat.

lulu_92

Good point about toddler proofing, but they haven't said anything about that being the reason. Today they said "they go around taking dummies out of babies mouths" but my babies don't use dummies anyway and they know it. I live in the town centre so even meeting for a coffee is convenient for all of us, but that still isn't okay for them.

Kynthia

When I had a baby I would meet my NCT group in coffee shops and chat while the baby slept, have a cake, then deal with heating their bottle for a feed. We had to stop doing that once they were 7-8 months old as their awake all the time and need entertaining and to move around. You can't stay long in a coffee shop with a 1 year old. By that point we went around each others houses, as we had age appropriate toys, and to soft play. So perhaps you'll be more successful if you go where they are going, eg to their houses or soft play centres.

Are they back at work yet? If so it could be the demands of or king and then getting everything done at the weekends. It can be tough to squeeze in time for friends at first when adjusting and still trying to regularly see both sides of the family as grandparents are usually wanting to regularly see their grandchild.

lulu_92

Good point, Kynthia.

One works part time since last October, and the other is a stay at home mum. They don't take their kids to soft play really, but before I had the twins we would go out as a group to pubs and stuff, and the girls were about 10 months old at this point.

I don't know, I get having a one year old is a struggle in itself but I feel like they're making excuses as the week I went into labour there was still all of this excited talk from them about coming to visit. The pair of them also find time to do things together in afternoons without their kids so I also wonder why they've never thought to visit then when they are child free.

I suppose I feel a bit hurt that these are two of my best friends.

System

It sounds like they are not prepared to supervise their toddlers around the infant twins, so may be best if they didn't visit.

Person_one

lulu_92 wrote: »

Good point, Kynthia.

One works part time since last October, and the other is a stay at home mum. They don't take their kids to soft play really, but before I had the twins we would go out as a group to pubs and stuff, and the girls were about 10 months old at this point.

I don't know, I get having a one year old is a struggle in itself but I feel like they're making excuses as the week I went into labour there was still all of this excited talk from them about coming to visit. The pair of them also find time to do things together in afternoons without their kids so I also wonder why they've never thought to visit then when they are child free.

I suppose I feel a bit hurt that these are two of my best friends.

Why not tell them how you feel? Not in accusatory way, but letting hurt feelings simmer below the surface isn't going to be good for any of you.

lulu_92

Person_one wrote: »

Why not tell them how you feel? Not in accusatory way, but letting hurt feelings simmer below the surface isn't going to be good for any of you.

I do want to but I really don't want to cause a falling out. I think that no matter how I approach it I'll either be told that I don't know what it is like to have a one year old child (although neither of them know what it's like to have two newborns!), or that I am questioning their parenting skills. As much as I love them they get defensive very fast.

As all of this has been in a group text message so far I have left it with me saying that my children don't use dummies so they can't be pulled out :rotfl::rotfl:

Person_one

lulu_92 wrote: »

I do want to but I really don't want to cause a falling out. I think that no matter how I approach it I'll either be told that I don't know what it is like to have a one year old child (although neither of them know what it's like to have two newborns!), or that I am questioning their parenting skills. As much as I love them they get defensive very fast.

As all of this has been in a group text message so far I have left it with me saying that my children don't use dummies so they can't be pulled out :rotfl::rotfl:

Why would you be questioning their parenting skills? You'd be saying that you'd love to see them but are wondering if you've upset them somehow as they don't seem keen to arrange anything even though you're happy to be flexible as to where and when.

How long have you know these friends?

lulu_92

Person_one wrote: »

Why would you be questioning their parenting skills? You'd be saying that you'd love to see them but are wondering if you've upset them somehow as they don't seem keen to arrange anything even though you're happy to be flexible as to where and when.

How long have you know these friends?

Very true, but I know exactly what they'd say:

"We do really want to see you and the babies but our children would be little terrors around babies that small! You don't know as yours are little, wait until your two turn one and you will know EXACTLY what we're going through, doubly so!"

We've been friends for about 3-4 years now. A group of six of us all worked together (as well as one of them being my sister) and we all made huge efforts to see both of them when they had their children.

74jax

So when they reply, just add - ok. What about x afternoon when you don't have the kids.