Family trip booked before falling out

cyantist

duchy wrote: »

If whatshe did was dreadful .......why didn't your Dad and OH just say "The trip just can't happen" ?

Your OH doesn't think you should cancel and your Dad is only thinking about it now ? Could they both think it's just you and your Mum falling out again and it'll blow over ? Whatever she did seems to be less dreadful to them than it does to you.

My OH thinks we should cancel. My dad is only just thinking about it now as I only recently saw him after this incident but he has already said he wants DH and I to go without him and my mom, as I said in my OP.

Andypandyboy

How can you celebrate your Dad's 70th without him? Your poor dad is stuck in the middle of two warring women, what else can he say to keep the peace? Ditto your OH.

Georgiegirl256

I guess it all comes down to if you can deal with any guilt you might have in the future from cancelling your Dad's 70th Birthday holiday and also have to deal with any ramifications that might come of it.

Obviously the only person who can really make that decision is you.

duchy

Ultimately it's your Dad's trip

If he cancels then he takes the heat from your Mum
If you cancel then you may or may not

Frankly I'd be sick of the pair of you fighting and spoiling the holiday for everyone else and in your Dad's shoes I'd cancel for that reason alone. It takes two to make a quarrel after all.

System

duchy wrote: »

Frankly I'd be sick of the pair of you fighting and spoiling the holiday for everyone else and in your Dad's shoes I'd cancel for that reason alone. It takes two to make a quarrel after all.

Do we know yet what caused the ill feeling? I don't think the OP has divulged, making it impossible for outsiders to judge. There could be myriad situations which would make someone want to avoid another person.

duchy

avogadro wrote: »

Do we know yet what caused the ill feeling? I don't think the OP has divulged, making it impossible for outsiders to judge. There could be myriad situations which would make someone want to avoid another person.

The OP has chosen to not reveal that fact...which of course is her right (and one person's absolutely unacceptable isn't another's so what it was really isn't that important)

What I really don't understand is that the OP is considering allowing her Dad to cancel his special trip but the OP and her partner still go. As she is the one who feels she can't share a holiday and it appears her Mother is fine with all four of them going - then surely it should be the OP cancelling- Not her Dad to keep the peace.

cyantist

duchy wrote: »

What I really don't understand is that the OP is considering allowing her Dad to cancel his special trip but the OP and her partner still go. As she is the one who feels she can't share a holiday and it appears her Mother is fine with all four of them going - then surely it should be the OP cancelling- Not her Dad to keep the peace.

Just to clarify, I am absolutely not considering going with just DH (it's just I was asked what my dad has said about it). As I said in the OP and again in post #69 I think it is a ridiculous idea and that we definitely should not be going without him when it is his birthday trip, and when he paid. DH and I going on our own is not something that was ever an option for me, I'm not sure why you think it was.

It would obviously make a lot more sense to cancel mine and DHs place and just my parents go and I said this to my dad, but he absolutely refuses to go without me and DH.

Mojisola

cyantist wrote: »

It’s my dad’s 70th birthday in July and we booked a trip abroad which my parents paid far.

Now I’ve had a major falling out with my mom, and given that we haven’t spoken for months, I can’t imagine that it will be resolved within 2 months.

I want to spend time with my dad

I have a week to be able to cancel and get 80% of the costs back.

cyantist wrote: »

It would obviously make a lot more sense to cancel mine and DHs place and just my parents go and I said this to my dad, but he absolutely refuses to go without me and DH.

So cancel the holiday.

Find some other way of spending time with your Dad without your Mum around.

Give everything time to settle down without the pressure of the July holiday and work out how you're all going to manage your relationships in future.

System

cyantist wrote: »

It would obviously make a lot more sense to cancel mine and DHs place and just my parents go and I said this to my dad, but he absolutely refuses to go without me and DH.

Reading between the lines, as well as wanting to see his daughter, he possibly would rather have other people around in order to deflect his wife a bit!

If there are no other siblings/family members who could go in OP's place it puts pressure on all involved.

Andypandyboy

It is shame for your dad to lose money. Also, he would probably like nothing more for his birthday than for you and your mum to be able to get along.

Parents are people too and it must be an awful situation to think that your family is fracturing. It doesn't only just affect you and your mum, it affects everyone in the family and every family celebration.

If you have siblings do they get along with your mum?