Heartbroken - end of long relationship

ERICS_MUM

Even if there are problems in the bedroom department, looking elsewhere isn't the best way to resolve the issues. Nowadays there are lots of agencies that can give advice, practical help or counselling to help couples.

If all else fails and one or both feel the relationship cannot be salvaged, surely it can be ended respectfully rather than in a sordid way ?

Perhaps Im naive or just lucky ?

Anyway I wish OP the best of luck in sorting it out and coming out the other side to a happy future.

SailorSam

((( HUGS)))) Angry Bear.
Must be horrible after all these years, but i'm sure you're better off without him.
xx.

Angry_Bear

I've come down to earth today with a bit of a bump . I've been mostly running of adrenaline the last few days and I think it's insulated me from some of the grief.

Last night ex-OH came home from work and I told him I wanted to buy him out. I think he finally realised that there is no going back, and we had a bit of an argument - nothing too bad but in all our years we've argued so rarely, and always made up really quickly.
I find it really hard to see him in pain and want to tell him it'll be okay and I can forgive him just to make him feel better. But I know I can't. He did have a prting shot of "you make it sound like I've slept with someone" which helped my resolve somewhat - it shows that he still doesn't understand how damaging what he did really is.

Spent most of the night crying and am all puffy-eyed and distracted at work today. At least I've got a long weekend ahead of me, I may book into a hotel for a few days.

Guest101

LannieDuck wrote: »

Because what you're saying is that some men cheat on their wives... and the wife made them do it.

The man couldn't possibly be at fault, could he?



Edit: Reverse position also applies - if the woman cheats, the starting assumption should be that she's at fault, not that her husband must have done something wrong.

No he said, like I did, that there could be other factors involved.


It's not a simple black and white argument in every case

LannieDuck

Guest101 wrote: »

No he said, like I did, that there could be other factors involved.


It's not a simple black and white argument in every case

In many cases it's simply wanting your cake and eating it. However I do agree that's not true in every case.

But, even in those instances where there are other factors involved, cheating isn't the answer. If the OP's OH was unhappy, why didn't he speak to her about it? Why go behind her back, especially when he knew how upset she was at this behaviour the first time.

Ultimately why blame the partner who hasn't cheater for the bad behaviour? Instead of jumping straight to 'it must be the woman's fault', lets start with the assumption that the cheater is a lying asshat and go from there.

Guest101

Because it's very easy to leave these situations having learnt nothing.


Atleast take away from the relationship your own faults and improve for the next one.


No-one is saying 'its ok he cheated because you didn't do x, y or z', but evaluate yourself.

LannieDuck

Guest101 wrote: »

Because it's very easy to leave these situations having learnt nothing.


Atleast take away from the relationship your own faults and improve for the next one.


No-one is saying 'its ok he cheated because you didn't do x, y or z', but evaluate yourself.

But that's still starting from the assumption that OP is at fault. It's possible she really hasn't done anything wrong here. She even gave him another chance after he did this before.

It's insidious to always assume that cheating has been caused by something. "You made me do it", "Well if you weren't such a frigid b*tch I wouldn't have go somewhere else" etc etc. There really aren't very many good reasons for cheating - if you're unhappy in your relationship, tell him/her.

Angry_Bear

No offense, but this is an argument that's been had time and again on these boards.

I'm of the opinion that not enough (satisfying) sex is an excuse used by cheaters to either avoid dealing with relationship issues or to justify the fact that they won't deny themselves an indulgence for the sake of a partner or relationship (which we do, and should do, with many things every day, not just sex). I include male and female cheaters in this.

Anway, nobody is going to change anyone else's mind here and I'd rather you took the discussion elsewhere if you want to hash it all out again.

Guest101

LannieDuck wrote: »

But that's still starting from the assumption that OP is at fault. It's possible she really hasn't done anything wrong here. She even gave him another chance after he did this before.

It's insidious to always assume that cheating has been caused by something. "You made me do it", "Well if you weren't such a frigid b*tch I wouldn't have go somewhere else" etc etc. There really aren't very many good reasons for cheating - if you're unhappy in your relationship, tell him/her.

And your presumption that the OP is perfect and can do no wrong is equally flawed. Humans make mistakes, its natural.


Your quotes are putting words in my mouth that I didn't say. I actually specified that wasn't the intention.

tiger_eyes

Angry_Bear wrote: »

He did have a prting shot of "you make it sound like I've slept with someone" which helped my resolve somewhat - it shows that he still doesn't understand how damaging what he did really is.

I hate to add salt to the wound, but is it possible he actually did meet other women? If so, a STD test might give you peace of mind...