Heartbroken - end of long relationship

Stevie_Palimo

Sell up and if it were me I'd take a break away somewhere with a friend if you can just to unwind and reflect.

Time is a great healer and I also mimick the above comment about Guest101 who is getting more obnoxious in the posts they make of late.

Double_V

Really sorry to hear what you're going through.
As others have mentioned, don't be harsh on yourself.
And good choice. You deserve better.
He is an idiot for not valuing you. He doesn't know what he's got until you're gone.

We are all here for you. Consider us your friends.
Hope all goes well for you.

*hugs*

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I'm reading this with envy on your part. I had an ex who did the exact same thing to me but constantly over a 6 year period. I so SO which I had your determination to end things


Good luck with your future

Guest101

Angry_Bear wrote: »

Plenty. Not that "none" would have made his actions excusable.

Fair enough, it wasn't meant in a negative way, just often there's two sides to a story and in some cases both have some merit.


If you aren't happy with someone, I think it's morally right to end things than cheat, but often that's harder as time moves on and after 18 years it would be very difficult if a compromise couldn't be reached on any topic, not just intimacy. (it's just that this revolved around his needs for attention)

Guest101

duchy wrote: »

Empathy really isn't your thing is it ?
Sometimes it's better to say nothing (or hold back for a while) rather than twist the knife when someone is already hurting.

Stevie_Palimo wrote: »

Time is a great healer and I also mimick the above comment about Guest101 who is getting more obnoxious in the posts they make of late.

Sorry for asking a question. Crying out loud, disagree all you want but no need to get personal.


It's a public forum for goodness sake, there's a range of answers and I'm not sat there picking apart all the supportive messages.


It's good to have a range of answers, as there is no 'fact finding' in this question, there cant really be any debate on what is and isn't right.

FredG

Guest101 wrote: »

I'll probably get shot for this, but:


Is there enough intimacy from your side of the relationship? Or I suppose was there, as not really applicable now.


Some people cheat no matter what, but other feel driven there by the lacking in their own relationship.


Even if it's not an issue now for this relationship, it's may be worth exploring for future relationship you may have.

Absolute victim shaming nonsense, putting the blame back on the wronged female party.


If the gentleman was unhappy, and I use the term gentleman as loosely as possible, he should have had the guts to raise this with his partner.


Perhaps he'd rather run around cheating rather than addressing any unhappiness he may or may not have with his partner, because that's easier and doesn't end up with him being alone unless he's caught.


His actions of being so "willing to change" after all this demonstrates one thing - he's is petrified of being alone but still wants to keep behaving in this manner unchecked.


OP - get rid and feel zero guilt. You're better than him and better than the situation.

duchy

Guest101 wrote: »

Sorry for asking a question. Crying out loud, disagree all you want but no need to get personal.


It's a public forum for goodness sake, there's a range of answers and I'm not sat there picking apart all the supportive messages.


It's good to have a range of answers, as there is no 'fact finding' in this question, there cant really be any debate on what is and isn't right.

Like I said no empathy whatsoever
What factfinding do you think the OP should be looking for......or could it be she is looking for empathy and support at this point primarily -not some nob telling her it must be all her fault ?

It was clear you knew your post was questionable as you knew you'd "get shot" so pack it in !!!

dinky_dragon

Guest101 I literally don't see the relevance of your question about intimacy at all. After 18 years Im guessing the OP and her partner weren't at it 24/7, but even if there was none - is that all that keeps men in their relationships? Are you asking because of experience?

Ending a relationship is the kinder, and easier thing to do before it gets to this stage - don't you think? He could have ended this amicably but has ruined everything with his deceit.

Guest101

duchy wrote: »

Like I said no empathy whatsoever
What factfinding do you think the OP should be looking for......or could it be she is looking for empathy and support at this point primarily -not some nob telling her it must be all her fault ?

It was clear you knew your post was questionable as you knew you'd "get shot" so pack it in !!!

1: I have empathy, but don't see the point in yet another post saying the same thing
2: drop the personal insults. 3
3: I might get shot, not because my post was questionable, but rather the environment it's posted in is hostile.

Guest101

dinky_dragon wrote: »

Guest101 I literally don't see the relevance of your question about intimacy at all. After 18 years Im guessing the OP and her partner weren't at it 24/7, but even if there was none - is that all that keeps men in their relationships? Are you asking because of experience?

Ending a relationship is the kinder, and easier thing to do before it gets to this stage - don't you think? He could have ended this amicably but has ruined everything with his deceit.

Had the issue been about money, I'd of asked how the OP was with money
Had it been about housework, ditto I'd ask about housework


the question was about intimacy!


I don't expect them to be 'at it 24/7', but when expectation dont match reality, there's going to be problems.


I'm asking because its a logical thing to ask.


Case and point example:


My OH spent £200 on perfume last week (she didn't, or she wouldn't be my OH). If I neglect to mention I spent £300 on beers at the weekend, she would be painted in a bad light.


I do think it's better to end things, I said this in my follow up post.