Marriage Crisis

Guest101

Person_one wrote: »

Calling her a ***** and shouting at her to f*** off is abusive and aggressive behaviour.

His aggression doesn't excuse hers, or the other way around.

Aggression or reaction?

Person_one

Guest101 wrote: »

Aggression or reaction?

Possibly an aggressive reaction.

Your glee at this thread's content is a bit distasteful you know. These are real people, going through a miserable time, not just a lovely opportunity for you to make a point on MSE that you've wanted to for ages.

Guest101

Person_one wrote: »

Possibly an aggressive reaction.

Your glee at this thread's content is a bit distasteful you know. These are real people, going through a miserable time, not just a lovely opportunity for you to make a point on MSE that you've wanted to for ages.

Excuse me? You need to check your privelage at the door.

I'm not making a point, I'm pointing out common misconceptions regarding make domestic abuse that a number of posters have stereotyped.

wannabe_sybil

I have heard that abuse will commonly start during pregnancy or after the birth.

The verbal assaults can be more damaging long term than physical assaults.

For those quibbling about throwing a glass of water - it is something that is intended to show aggression, contempt and the potential for worse to follow. If an action can be successfully prosecuted as an assault then perhaps you should wonder if it may be more serious than you think.

Men suffer from domestic abuse. If you flip the genders then there wouldn't be a question about how serious this could turn out.

I am not sure, but I believe if there is violence in front of a child and the police are called then the matter is referred to SS as domestic abuse in front of children is damaging to the children. As it is, the daughter is learning that this is how women treat men. At one year old, this can easily be forgotten, but, as she gets older, the lesson will stick.

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

Well I was

I don't think it's possible to discuss things on your own, is it - that's just talking to yourself.

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

Excuse me? You need to check your privelage at the door.

I'm not making a point, I'm pointing out common misconceptions regarding make domestic abuse that a number of posters have stereotyped.

I think many of the women on here may have experience of genuine domestic violence, not the expanded definition of it that men have introduced so that they can claim to be equal victims.

Angry_Bear

Person_one wrote: »

I'm going to make an assumption that the OP doesn't feel that he is in any physical danger from his wife though, presumably he is much stronger, and he has not actually been injured by her.

While I don't know any more about this particular case than anyone else here, it's ^^this sort of thing that was exactly what I meant when I said there is a problem with domestic violence by women against men being trivialised. Just because a victim doesn't feel in physical danger at this time doesn't mean they aren't a victim of domestic violence.

missbiggles1

Angry_Bear wrote: »

While I don't know any more about this particular case than anyone else here, it's ^^this sort of thing that was exactly what I meant when I said there is a problem with domestic violence by women against men being trivialised. Just because a victim doesn't feel in physical danger at this time doesn't mean they aren't a victim of domestic violence.

It's the exact opposite IME - it's genuine domestic violence that's being trivialised by describing having a glass of water thrown over you as on a par with being knocked about.

Person_one

Person_one wrote: »

Is it playing any role in yours, do you think?

Violence in a relationship is always, always wrong, that goes without saying.

I'm going to make an assumption that the OP doesn't feel that he is in any physical danger from his wife though, presumably he is much stronger, and he has not actually been injured by her. He says that he finds her abusive language funny, and he has also admitted to being very verbally aggressive towards her.

Both of them are in a bit of a mess here, it sounds like both of them need some outside help.

Angry_Bear wrote: »

While I don't know any more about this particular case than anyone else here, it's ^^this sort of thing that was exactly what I meant when I said there is a problem with domestic violence by women against men being trivialised. Just because a victim doesn't feel in physical danger at this time doesn't mean they aren't a victim of domestic violence.

I've re-quoted my whole post, and bolded the bit that you clipped and quoted in isolation. You need the whole post really, or the meaning is different, as can be clearly seen when you read it in full.


For example if I just quoted this part of your post:

a victim doesn't feel in physical danger

and then responded that of course victims can feel in physical danger, 2 women are killed every week by their current or ex partners so the danger is very very real, you'd see that it doesn't make sense to snip the post and then respond just to the snipped bit.

coolcait

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It's the exact opposite IME - it's genuine domestic violence that's being trivialised by describing having a glass of water thrown over you as on a par with being knocked about.

Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, psychological abuse and other forms of abuse which do not involve 'being knocked about' are all examples of genuine domestic violence.

Whatever disagreements you may have about other aspects of posts on this thread, it's important to be clear that the definition of 'domestic violence' includes far more than just physical violence.

wannabe_sybil, and others have also explained that point with some eloquence.