Marriage Crisis

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

And that, for me, says all I need to know about discussing the issue with you..

I think you've misread what I wrote. To be clear, I know that reported cases of DV are split approx. 70/30 female/male.


Women are more likely to be victims (or certainly more likely to report it - as the statistics are often manipulated in both 'camps' - where really there is only 1 camp of 'victim' regardless of gender.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

"Genuine" as what we all mean by the word, not what it may have been redefined to mean to meet an agenda.

Ok... I'll follow the legal definition, since that's the one that matters.

Angry_Bear

That you for posting gonzo - you've made the point I was trying, and failing, to make.

Guest101

Angry_Bear wrote: »

Fully agree that Guest101 has his own agenda. Not really my business.

Been there, got the t-shirt.


My views aren't meant to be balanced. They're my views


But I will try to state facts where possible

Person_one

Angry_Bear wrote: »

Ignoring the actual violence - if you don't think her making specific personal attacks on him, particularly given his traumatic upbringing, is abuse then I'm baffled.

Where did I say that?

Person_one

I don't think reversing the sexes is particularly useful, actually. Gender brings with it a ton of baggage, its not just an irrelevant either/or like if one of them was blonde and one ginger.

On threads related to feminism, a lot of posters are always trying to tell me that men and women are intrinsically different, will never be the same, that it makes no sense to treat them the same or approach issues effecting them with the same intentions/actions. Is that not true anymore then?

Guest101

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think reversing the sexes is particularly useful, actually. Gender brings with it a ton of baggage, its not just an irrelevant either/or like if one of them was blonde and one ginger.

On threads related to feminism, a lot of posters are always trying to tell me that men and women are intrinsically different, will never be the same, that it makes no sense to treat them the same or approach issues effecting them with the same intentions/actions. Is that not true anymore then?

Are you saying male victims and female victims should be treated differently, and by proxy offenders too?

Angry_Bear

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think reversing the sexes is particularly useful, actually. Gender brings with it a ton of baggage, its not just an irrelevant either/or like if one of them was blonde and one ginger.

On threads related to feminism, a lot of posters are always trying to tell me that men and women are intrinsically different, will never be the same, that it makes no sense to treat them the same or approach issues effecting them with the same intentions/actions. Is that not true anymore then?

For the record, I don't think that men and women are intrinsically different (apart from the physical differences). Obviously, I'm aware that other opinions exist - but just wanted to nail my colours to the mast.

wannabe_sybil

AndyBSG - I think the argument about what is abuse or not is unhelpful on the whole.

This isn't a happy place, not for you, nor her,nor your daughter. Unless your wife is willing to work to get past this then you are going to be a punch bag. This is not good for you and it isn't good for your daughter to be around.

I think you need to create some distance between you. Perhaps stay somewhere else for a while if you can. It will give your wife some time to see what life is like without you and perhaps the space to consider what is really going on in her head.

Your daughter needs at least one parent that is a safe and stable person in a safe and stable place. Your daughter will be picking up the atmosphere.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. Sending hugs. x

Angry_Bear

Person_one wrote: »

Where did I say that?

Perhaps I've come to the wrong conclusions from what you said.
But when you made the point that he didn't feel in physical danger and hadn't been injured I interpreted that as you thought he wasn't suffering from abuse from her (possibly I was mixing in some of missbiggles points in my head).
My apologies if I've misinterpreted what you meant.

calicocat

Guest101 wrote: »

Agreed, she needs help, but the OP and his child need to be safe too.

Agreed.



Also, no bloke who cared for their wife or had multiple brain cells would get their wife done for assault when unwell with either PND or birth trauma....!

When someone is unwell they need help, not shoving further down the pole.

Maybe I misread your post, but you almost seemed pleased at the thought of her losing her job the way your posts came across.

At this point there is also no need to assume the baby is in any danger. Men can also be a bit needy emotionally after the little people come out. Maybe she is feeling like she has to keep everyone happy, and can't even keep herself in that zone at the moment??

Not saying the OP is doing that by the way...but if she isn't dealing with stuff, every single emotion will be magnified by a hundred to a million right now. Her hormones may not even be on an even keel yet for gods sake.

She needs support and help, not idiots running off to safeguarding just yet after one hit and glass of ruddy water until she is assessed in some form to get a clear picture by a professional, not folk who have bad experiences themselves and therefore a personal agenda.

Christ, if what some on here want came to fruition, lots of women would be in jail and the population will die off....


I also agree that violence isn't acceptable, but if someone is unwell, that has to be dealt with first.

I also agree, that women have had violence and a lot worse that described in the OP for years...to make this into something bigger than it is is an insult to those who have had genuine ongoing violence in a relationship. I think a little perspective would be advantageous in this scenario.