large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well, I agree with Barry, it strikes me as thoughtless and bad mannered to suggest something to people you know are unlikely to be able to afford it, unless you're actually going to pay for them.

If it's the friends' choice whether to go or not, why isn't it equally Barry's choice as to whether to make the suggestion?

Of course it's Barry's choice as well. Maybe just him and his wife want to go alone? My meaning was if you thought about asking the friend to go along too, but didn't because you thought they couldn't afford it, then that is not your call to make.

IMO I don't think it's thoughtless and bad mannered, I'd simply say something like "DH and I are going to see this show, we wondered if you and DH would like to come along too?", and leave the ball in their court.

seven-day-weekend

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well, I agree with Barry, it strikes me as thoughtless and bad mannered to suggest something to people you know are unlikely to be able to afford it, unless you're actually going to pay for them.

If it's the friends' choice whether to go or not, why isn't it equally Barry's choice as to whether to make the suggestion?

I agree too, I think it's insensitive of the person inviting and embarrassing for the person being invited, if you know they can't afford it, and I even think they could think you are just trying to show them up.

Jagraf

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I agree too, I think it's insensitive of the person inviting and embarrassing for the person being invited, if you know they can't afford it, and I even think they could think you are just trying to show them up.

Me too - and Ive been in that position when it lots of debt. I used to hate it when people asked me to things I couldn't afford. It is insensitive - best do something everyone can afford rather than singling people out.

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Because eating a meal with other people is likely to be a social occasion, to some degree, whereas going to the theatre isn't.

I think it is, you don't see many people going alone.

Georgiegirl256

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I agree too, I think it's insensitive of the person inviting and embarrassing for the person being invited, if you know they can't afford it, and I even think they could think you are just trying to show them up.

A trip to the theatre for example isn't usually a regular occurence for most people. It isn't like you're asking every week for example, where it could be perhaps seen as insensitive.

So once again, the above example is of someone assuming they know more about someone situation than them. They might have had money struggles at one point, but how do you know they haven't been saving/got given some money etc? You don't. So IMO, if you would like to invite that person then a polite "we were thinking of going to see that show next week, would you like to come along too?" would suffice.

I'd hate to think that someone would exclude someone just because they decide the answer would automatically be no, without even giving the person a chance to decide for themselves.

melanzana

I have a slightly different dilemma.

We have been invited to our good friend's significant birthday party in a posh hotel. All good so far.

The hotel is 30 miles away. Taxi there and back would cost a leg and an arm

Would be fine if OH was around to drive me there, but he isn't as he has a reunion with his brothers from abroad that weekend. They are going on a golfing weekend. Fine.

I am unable to drive myself at the moment because of recent eye problems/surgery.

So I can get there on the local train. OK, long journey, a few changes. But getting back is a problem unless I leave early.

Anyway, I bit the bullet and phoned friend and explained that OH is away and I would be staying only until the return train time. Will need a cab to the station, but that's ok.

Friend said "we will be delighted to see you even for five minutes, sorry X can't be there". Y will drop you to the station. Don't worry about that.

These are the kind of friends I will keep.

Food and open bar for the night. Woo hoo.

The dilemma I was worrying about is not a dilemma any more.

Andypandyboy

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

No, not at all. What I do want to be able to do is to be given the choice to make my own decisions and not have someone else to make them for me. Not a lot to ask really is it?

So, you tell your friends that is the case.

It may not apply to everyone, they may wish to have the fact that it is known that they are strapped for cash taken account of when invitations are being issued, and for people to be sensitive to that and not put them in the position where they have to refuse....again.

Not a lot to ask really is it?

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Of course it's Barry's choice as well. Maybe just him and his wife want to go alone? My meaning was if you thought about asking the friend to go along too, but didn't because you thought they couldn't afford it, then that is not your call to make.

IMO I don't think it's thoughtless and bad mannered, I'd simply say something like "DH and I are going to see this show, we wondered if you and DH would like to come along too?", and leave the ball in their court.

If it's worded like that, as an invitation, I would expect you to be paying.

missbiggles1

Person_one wrote: »

I think it is, you don't see many people going alone.

Actually, you do. Even women go to the theatre on their own these days.;)

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

A trip to the theatre for example isn't usually a regular occurence for most people. It isn't like you're asking every week for example, where it could be perhaps seen as insensitive.

So once again, the above example is of someone assuming they know more about someone situation than them. They might have had money struggles at one point, but how do you know they haven't been saving/got given some money etc? You don't. So IMO, if you would like to invite that person then a polite "we were thinking of going to see that show next week, would you like to come along too?" would suffice.

I'd hate to think that someone would exclude someone just because they decide the answer would automatically be no, without even giving the person a chance to decide for themselves.

I don't get this idea of "excluding" people.

If you're having a group of people round for a meal or a full blown party then, if you don't invite a couple of close friends, you might be seen to be excluding them. How can a couple going to the theatre together (or a meal for that matter) be said to be excluding another couple by not suggesting they go together?