large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

Georgiegirl256

BarryBlue wrote: »

It really isn't my business if someone can't afford to do something. It's like if you go to the theatre. We went to a show a few weeks ago and didn't ask those people, even though they would have loved it, as the tickets were about £50 each and they would have had to say they couldn't afford it. What else should I do, offer to buy their tickets?
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No, but you should have at least given them he chance to say yes or no.

It's sad that you know they would have loved it, yet never gave them the chance to even maybe try and get the money together. Besides, they might have had the money, they might have been abit more flush that month, they might have got some money given to them, they might have saved some, they MIT not have, but you didn't know that.

Personally, I wouldn't want to go out with so called friends that didn't even ask me and give me the option. I don't know about anyone else, but I hate it when someone thinks they know my situation or answer better than I do and so makes the decision for me.

Sorry, but that isn't a good friend to me. You could have at least asked them. You made a lot of presumptions there.

Andypandyboy

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

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No, but you should have at least given them he chance to say yes or no.

It's sad that you know they would have loved it, yet never gave them the chance to even maybe try and get the money together. Besides, they might have had the money, they might have been abit more flush that month, they might have got some money given to them, they might have saved some, they MIT not have, but you didn't know that.

Personally, I wouldn't want to go out with so called friends that didn't even ask me and give me the option. I don't know about anyone else, but I hate it when someone thinks they know my situation or answer better than I do and so makes the decision for me.

Sorry, but that isn't a good friend to me. You could have at least asked them. You made a lot of presumptions there.

So, would you think it was a nice thing to do to be asked every time to something that the person asking would reasonably have expected, or known, you couldn't afford? Or could it be seen differently? How many times do you do it? When could it be construed as "rubbing their noses in it"? When would it become a thread on here?

" My friend knows I have no money for going out but keeps asking me and I am embarrassed every time"

In that position I would rather not be asked and spared the embarrassment of having to decline than to be continually put in that position.

What I am trying illustrate is that there are two (or more) schools of thought here. Neither is wrong, neither is right.

Yet you seem to be saying that someone who decides not to keep asking is not a good friend, when actually the reverse may be true, and it may be those who do keep on asking on the off chance that they will accept, who are being insensitive.

Presumptions may be being made for the best of reasons.

mumps

Andypandyboy wrote: »

So, would you think it was a nice thing to do to be asked every time to something that the person asking would reasonably have expected or known you couldn't afford? Or could it be seen differently? How many times do you do it? When could it be construed as "rubbing their noses in it"? When would it become a thread on here?

" My friend knows I have no money for going out but keeps asking me and I am embarrassed every time"

In that position I would rather not be asked and spared the embarrassment of having to decline than to be continually put in that position.

What I am trying illustruate is that there are two (or more) schools of thought here. Neither is wrong, neither is right.

Yet you seem to be saying that someone who decides not to keep asking is not a good friend, when actually the reverse may be true, and it may be those who do keep on asking on the off chance that they will accept, who are being insensitive.

Presumptions may be being made for the best of reasons.

But I was talking about them having something from the menu that they can afford, what BarryBlue is talking about is them having to afford what others in the group decide to spend.

mumps

missbiggles1 wrote: »

How is that suggestion any different from the idea of just going for a pizza or a curry, which is exactly what several of us have been suggesting?

Just because someone can't afford all the extras or they can't have them for health reasons doesn't mean they only want to eat pizza or curry. Actually with my health problems I can't really eat pizza, curry or cream cakes. Sad because I like all of them. A more expensive restaurant is much more likely to provide something I can manage which is lovely, I have friends who like to eat there as well but does that mean I have to subsidise them?

mumps

BarryBlue wrote: »

What absolute rubbish! You have no reason to suppose that whatsoever. The truth is just the opposite, in fact, and I'm always happy to put a few extra quid in the pot, especially if the service has been good.

On that presumptive basis, I assume you are unhappy to part with a penny more than you have to. Are all your friends skinflints too?;)

Your reading skills aren't too hot then, I have clearly said I have been happy to subsidise others because I can, not everyone is so lucky but your idea of being a good friend is to exclude people. Some of us don't see that as being a good friend.

You on the other hand seem quite keen on people who eat less and drink less than you should pay for more than they have had while you pay for less. If they can't or don't want to do that then you don't want them along.

Georgiegirl256

Andypandyboy wrote: »

So, would you think it was a nice thing to do to be asked every time to something that the person asking would reasonably have expected or known you couldn't afford? Or could it be seen differently? How many times do you do it? When could it be construed as "rubbing their noses in it"? When would it become a thread on here?

I wouldn't think it was a horrible thing. My point of view is that I would see it as nice to be asked. Whether or not I was able to go (for whatever reason) would then be up to me. What would be horrible IMO is if someone just automatically assumed that I couldn't/wouldn't want to go and so effectively making my mind up for me.

seven-day-weekend

You don't have to subsidise them mumps, as far as I am concerned, if you want to go and eat one course and pay for it that's fine.

I have done that when I have been broke. However, I usually tell people when I accept the invitation that I will pay for my own meal and drinks because I really can't afford to pay any extra, so that it's clear from the start. Then there is no room for misunderstanding.

These days we tend just to split the bill. Most of us eat and drink similar amounts so it evens out.

I think either way is Ok as long as everyone understands at the beginning what is happening.

As to being asked.......there are some friends I would not ask to come for a meal unless I was going to pay, because I know it would put them into financial difficulties. I'm not going to help them to get even further into the mire. We have been out with them and treated them, however.

pollypenny

Restaurants around here must be cheaper than down south. We go out with a group of friends every month and our share of the bill is usually around £60.

Most of us will have two courses, one guy always has three, each of us might indulgence in three occasionally.

We just split the bill. It's swings and roundabouts. Oh, I'm repeating myself, but this thread is going round in circles anyway.

Andypandyboy

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I wouldn't think it was a horrible thing. My point of view is that I would see it as nice to be asked. Whether or not I was able to go (for whatever reason) would then be up to me. What would be horrible IMO is if someone just automatically assumed that I couldn't/wouldn't want to go and so effectively making my mind up for me.

Then we will have to agree to disagree. What that shows is that people are different, that there is no right or wrong way. Or are you of the opinion that only your way of looking at it is the right one? As that was what I inferred from your original post.

onlyroz

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

You don't have to subsidise them mumps, as far as I am concerned, if you want to go and eat one course and pay for it that's fine.

I have done that when I have been broke. However, I usually tell people when I accept the invitation that I will pay for my own meal and drinks because I really can't afford to pay any extra, so that it's clear from the start. Then there is no room for misunderstanding.

I would go further and say that you don't have to explain why you just want to pay for your own meal. What business is it of your dining companions that you are broke, or have a medical condition that reduces your appetite, or an eating disorder? It should be enough to say "I only want a main and a drink today so I'll be paying £20". If your friends insist on giving you a grilling just to avoid a "misunderstanding" then they're not really true friends.