large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

Georgiegirl256

I was replying in response to BarryBlues post about how they were going to the theatre and thought how their friends would enjoy it, but chose not to invite them purely because the friends were short of money. I was saying that IMO the friends should have at least been given the chance.

Andypandyboy

We have different friends, many of whom don't know each other and we do different things with different friends. No one feels excluded because we are all grown ups.

If we have big party then we would invite them all, but, for example, at Christmas we might go out for four meals with four groups of friends and each time the restaurant will have been chosen to suit the group we are with.

Andypandyboy

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I was replying in response to BarryBlues post about how they were going to the theatre and thought how their friends would enjoy it, but chose not to invite them purely because the friends were short of money. I was saying that IMO the friends should have at least been given the chance.

Why, if you know someone is short of money why would you dangle something in front of them that might cause them either to spend money they didn't have, or be embarrassed at having to refuse, or upset because they can't go? Theatre tickets are a luxury item.

Georgiegirl256

Andypandyboy wrote: »

We have different friends, many of whom don't know each other and we do different things with different friends. No one feels excluded because we are all grown ups.

If we have big party then we would invite them all, but, for example, at Christmas we might go out for four meals with four groups of friends and each time the restaurant will have been chosen to suit the group we are with.

That makes sense, I'm sure most people operate like that, but that wasn't my point. Never mind!

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I was replying in response to BarryBlues post about how they were going to the theatre and thought how their friends would enjoy it, but chose not to invite them purely because the friends were short of money. I was saying that IMO the friends should have at least been given the chance.

Inviting someone means paying for them, what you're talking about is suggesting they go as well - not the same thing.

Another point you're missing is the range of price of theatre tickets. Barry seems not to be short of a bob or two so it's quite likely that he and his wife will want to buy decent tickets, whereas these friends will presumably need to buy (if they can afford to go at all) tickets at the cheaper end. So, do Barry and his wife sit up in the gods at £25 each when they'd prefer to be sitting in the front stalls or do the poor friends get into debt to find the money to buy 90 quid tickets they can ill afford?

I really don't think you've thought this one through.

Georgiegirl256

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Why, if you know someone is short of money why would you dangle something in front of them that might cause them either to spend money they didn't have, or be embarrassed at having to refuse, or upset because they can't go? Theatre tickets are a luxury item.

When we go to the theatre, it's usually just me and my DH, however, if there was a certain play/show on with maybe say a favourite actor or singer that I knew a friend loved, then I would mention it to them. I'd mention we were going anyhow, and if they wanted to come too then they are very welcome. The offer is there for them to accept or decline as they see fit.

In reply to the bolded bit above, I don't know about you, but I am quite capable of making my own mind up about things, and I'm pretty damn sure that I wouldn't spend money I didn't have, and neither would I be embarrassed at having to decline for whatever reason, and I know that friends of mine wouldn't either.

But like you said earlier on, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Inviting someone means paying for them, what you're talking about is suggesting they go as well - not the same thing.

Another point you're missing is the range of price of theatre tickets. Barry seems not to be short of a bob or two so it's quite likely that he and his wife will want to buy decent tickets, whereas these friends will presumably need to buy (if they can afford to go at all) tickets at the cheaper end. So, do Barry and his wife sit up in the gods at £25 each when they'd prefer to be sitting in the front stalls or do the poor friends get into debt to find the money to buy 90 quid tickets they can ill afford?

I really don't think you've thought this one through.

I've been to the theatre enough times to know how much the ticket prices can vary.

I think you're totally missing the point I'm making. Anyhow, long day, I'm too tired for another debate lol!

BarryBlue

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Inviting someone means paying for them, what you're talking about is suggesting they go as well - not the same thing.

Another point you're missing is the range of price of theatre tickets. Barry seems not to be short of a bob or two so it's quite likely that he and his wife will want to buy decent tickets, whereas these friends will presumably need to buy (if they can afford to go at all) tickets at the cheaper end. So, do Barry and his wife sit up in the gods at £25 each when they'd prefer to be sitting in the front stalls or do the poor friends get into debt to find the money to buy 90 quid tickets they can ill afford?

I really don't think you've thought this one through.

You are quite correct, there is no reason why we should have invited anyone along to this show. You have actually hit upon a valid point by coincidence. The show concerned was the Jersey Boys, where the tickets are always quite expensive. We had found two front row seats available, and we love sitting there for shows like this. Had we invited anyone else we would have had to sit elsewhere. So we just booked the two tickets.

It doesn't change the point though. I don't see why we should be obliged to include anyone in anything for whatever reason. We have tried mixing different sets of friends for meals before and it doesn't always work. I have no problem with 'horses for courses' so we dine at better restaurants with some people and cheaper establishments with others. It works for us and may save embarrassment if some people are unable to afford certain activities.

onlyroz

BarryBlue wrote: »

That isn't how it works with us and our friends. I can't think of anyone who would be put in that situation. We all know each other and have been dining out for 20+ years and that sort of situation has never even remotely arisen. As I said, different social circles.

You talk about being "put into a situation" as if the concept of eating with somebody new is totally alien. Can you imagine a scenario where one of your established friends brought along a guest to a meal? Would you expect this person to anticipate the size of your appetite before the visited the cashpoint on the way to the restaurant? Or would you not expect them to make an assumption over how much money to bring based upon how much *they* normally ate and drank?

I do think it's sad that you would choose to exclude people from an event based on an assumption that they must match your own appetite, rather than let them decide on how much they would be willing to spend.

BarryBlue

onlyroz wrote: »

You talk about being "put into a situation" as if the concept of eating with somebody new is totally alien. Can you imagine a scenario where one of your established friends brought along a guest to a meal? Would you expect this person to anticipate the size of your appetite before the visited the cashpoint on the way to the restaurant? Or would you not expect them to make an assumption over how much money to bring based upon how much *they* normally ate and drank?

I do think it's sad that you would choose to exclude people from an event based on an assumption that they must match your own appetite, rather than let them decide on how much they would be willing to spend.

Sorry but none of that makes any sense whatsoever. What do appetites have to do with anything unless you are nitpicking over the bill? We just seem to live in very different worlds if the price of a pudding, or whatever, is of some relevance to you. I wouldn't care less what anyone else consumed, but that's just normal for people I know.