large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

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No, but you should have at least given them he chance to say yes or no.

It's sad that you know they would have loved it, yet never gave them the chance to even maybe try and get the money together. Besides, they might have had the money, they might have been abit more flush that month, they might have got some money given to them, they might have saved some, they MIT not have, but you didn't know that.

Personally, I wouldn't want to go out with so called friends that didn't even ask me and give me the option. I don't know about anyone else, but I hate it when someone thinks they know my situation or answer better than I do and so makes the decision for me.

Sorry, but that isn't a good friend to me. You could have at least asked them. You made a lot of presumptions there.

You don't have to be invited by someone to go to the theatre!

Presumably, if any of the possibilities you've listed were actually the case and they'd wanted to go, they would just have bought the tickets and gone?

Georgiegirl256

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Then we will have to agree to disagree. What that shows is that people are different, that there is no right or wrong way. Or are you of the opinion that only your way of looking at it is the right one? As that was what I inferred from your original post.

No, not at all. What I do want to be able to do is to be given the choice to make my own decisions and not have someone else to make them for me. Not a lot to ask really is it?

onlyroz

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You don't have to be invited by someone to go to the theatre!

Presumably, if any of the possibilities you've listed were actually the case and they'd wanted to go, they would just have bought the tickets and gone?

You could apply that logic to any invite. Why invite somebody out to dinner at all - because if they wanted to go they would already have gone by themselves?

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You don't have to be invited by someone to go to the theatre!

Presumably, if any of the possibilities you've listed were actually the case and they'd wanted to go, they would just have bought the tickets and gone?

Well that goes without saying. You're totally missing the point however. The point is that BarryBlue thought of these particular friends as they would like the show, but, he decided that they probably couldn't afford it and so didn't even ask them. The choice was theirs to make surely?

Maybe they didn't know the show was on in the first place and so would have been grateful for the heads up?

Georgiegirl256

onlyroz wrote: »

You could apply that logic to any invite. Why invite somebody out to dinner at all - because if they wanted to go they would already have gone by themselves?

Exactly.

BarryBlue

mumps wrote: »

But I was talking about them having something from the menu that they can afford, what BarryBlue is talking about is them having to afford what others in the group decide to spend.

That's not how it works with our friends at all. If we all go for a blow-out meal we just go, and we have what we like. We aren't worrying about the bill and neither are they. We are talking about people we've been dining out with for years here. They can all afford anything they wish from the menu.

Our 'poor' friends are in a different circle, if you like, so we go to a BYO curry house with them where the menu is a tenner. They aren't part of the group that dines expansively and I would not embarrass them by suggesting they come along. It works for them so it's fine.

mumps wrote: »

Your reading skills aren't too hot then, I have clearly said I have been happy to subsidise others because I can, not everyone is so lucky but your idea of being a good friend is to exclude people. Some of us don't see that as being a good friend.

You on the other hand seem quite keen on people who eat less and drink less than you should pay for more than they have had while you pay for less. If they can't or don't want to do that then you don't want them along.

My reading skills are fine, thanks. If the irony of what I said, after you made such an insult to me, is lost on you then too bad. I have never intimated whether I eat more or less than anyone else because it doesn't matter with us, although neither is true. You have no idea really, how would you?

onlyroz wrote: »

So let's say you've asked your friend if they want to join your party for dinner. They've checked out the menu in advance and see that there's a set menu for £40. They think "great, I can take that £50 I was given for my birthday which will be plenty to cover my food, a beer or two and a tip". You all go out and have a merry time. You choose to indulge in the wine, cocktails and coffees but your friend sticks to their budget. Then the bill comes and you now proclaim that your friend needs to cough up £70 to subsidise your own indulgences. How is that fair? Your solution, rather than just letting your friend pay the £50 they have brought, is to simply tell them that they're not welcome unless they're able to subsidise the more indulgent people at the table.

Sorry, but that doesn't sound like being a good friend to me.

That isn't how it works with us and our friends. I can't think of anyone who would be put in that situation. We all know each other and have been dining out for 20+ years and that sort of situation has never even remotely arisen. As I said, different social circles.

foxtrotoscar_2

What did my head in was when we took my sis-in-law and her new partner out for dinner on us 10 years ago and that he ordered an £8 dessert and after one mouthful decided he was too full to eat any more...never been out for a meal with them since that day and never will!

missbiggles1

onlyroz wrote: »

You could apply that logic to any invite. Why invite somebody out to dinner at all - because if they wanted to go they would already have gone by themselves?

Because eating a meal with other people is likely to be a social occasion, to some degree, whereas going to the theatre isn't.

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Well that goes without saying. You're totally missing the point however. The point is that BarryBlue thought of these particular friends as they would like the show, but, he decided that they probably couldn't afford it and so didn't even ask them. The choice was theirs to make surely?

Maybe they didn't know the show was on in the first place and so would have been grateful for the heads up?

Well, I agree with Barry, it strikes me as thoughtless and bad mannered to suggest something to people you know are unlikely to be able to afford it, unless you're actually going to pay for them.

If it's the friends' choice whether to go or not, why isn't it equally Barry's choice as to whether to make the suggestion?

seven-day-weekend

onlyroz wrote: »

I would go further and say that you don't have to explain why you just want to pay for your own meal. What business is it of your dining companions that you are broke, or have a medical condition that reduces your appetite, or an eating disorder? It should be enough to say "I only want a main and a drink today so I'll be paying £20". If your friends insist on giving you a grilling just to avoid a "misunderstanding" then they're not really true friends.

I agree in principal, although I personally would explain as I think it helps for better understanding.