large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

Spendless

I said a few posts ago, that we had some unexpected expenses come up so I am really happy about a text I've received in the last hour which has changed the venue of a meeting I'm due to go to from a pub to someone's house and bring a bottle. I suspect the reason behind it is due to space and being heard and/or childcare issues of the chair, but I am really happy with how this has worked out. It means juggling money for the next week is a lot easier. I have bottles in the fridge to take, I checked as soon as I got the message!

mumps

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If you're good friends with someone and they say "Let's go to so and so - my treat", I don't see any reason for anybody to be offended by it. I've occasionally treated friends with less money than we had and still remained friends and I certainly wouldn't be offended if the situation were reversed.

We treat people and people treat us, it is the idea of being told that rather than eating what I choose I need to have something more expensive as that will make the other person feel better/more comfortable. I see it as patronizing. Funnily enough we are going out with family for a meal today and we are paying for everyone. I wouldn't go for a meal and say to someone with a tight budget that I was paying for them.

mumps

Spendless wrote: »

I said a few posts ago, that we had some unexpected expenses come up so I am really happy about a text I've received in the last hour which has changed the venue of a meeting I'm due to go to from a pub to someone's house and bring a bottle. I suspect the reason behind it is due to space and being heard and/or childcare issues of the chair, but I am really happy with how this has worked out. It means juggling money for the next week is a lot easier. I have bottles in the fridge to take, I checked as soon as I got the message!

That worked out well. Hope it goes well.

thorsoak

Spendless wrote: »

I wonder if this is dependant on your life stage as well as financial situation. If my parents invite us out for a celebration they pay. When we invited them for our son's 16th, we thought we should pay for them but they insisted on making a contribution which more than covered their share. But they are semi-retired, both past pension age but still working to finance a better lifestyle, have savings, mortgage paid off and me and my sister left home 20+ years ago.

I wouldn't expect my sister to automatically fund a meal for us in the same way, even if she invited us, unless she specifically said she would, as she like us still has teenage schoolkids and a mortgage and the associated cost.

As you quoted me, I should tell you - I'm retired, in receipt of pension, but just above the line where pension credit would kick in - so I also have a part-time job and like your parents, working to finance a better lifestyle.

seven-day-weekend

mumps wrote: »

We treat people and people treat us, it is the idea of being told that rather than eating what I choose I need to have something more expensive as that will make the other person feel better/more comfortable. I see it as patronizing. Funnily enough we are going out with family for a meal today and we are paying for everyone. I wouldn't go for a meal and say to someone with a tight budget that I was paying for them.

I would offer to treat them , what is wrong with that? They are always free to refuse !

Mumps, I'm not talking about people like you, a small eater, who doesn't mind if they only have one course or a small portion. I'm talking about people like me for whom it would spoil their enjoyment if they could not have a sweet if they wanted one, or a glass of wine. Just trying to help them enjoy it!

I've said before, I personally would rather not go if I had no choice but to have the cheapest thing on the menu. I might actually chose that thing anyway, but I'd still like to know I had a choice.

suki1964

thorsoak wrote: »

I cannot believe that this thread has attracted almost 2,100 posts!

I've always gone by the mantra "If I invite people, I pay, if I agree to go out with others, we share the bill equally. If I can't afford to share, then I don't go. If people are going to quibble, then I don't go again.

Life's too short to agonise over it.

I said the same thing around post 500 or so....

NewShadow

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I would offer to treat them , what is wrong with that? They are always free to refuse !

I dont think anyone's saying there's anything wrong with it if it's a genuine desire to treat someone and share the experience.

I think it might be the suggestion that they're not happy if they're not ordering something different (more expensive) than they'd normally eat - they may want or prefer the 'cheaper/smaller' option.

Also, I think it's reasonable to say - depending on how it's phrased or perhaps how often it happens - it could make the person feel patronised or uncomfortable (as if they were taking advantage).

It would likely depend on the specific relationships and individuals.

I's also note that, personally, I'd feel obliged (to a variable degree) to reciprocate the gesture - possibly right after payday - if things were tight.

If I couldn't afford to, I'd feel obliged to do something else (maybe baby sit?) as an alternative.

Jagraf

Sorry to drag this up again! Thought about this thread last night. We went out and at the indian restaurant there was a massive table with about 40 people on it. The menu was two courses for £14 including nan or rice, or you could order separate food. poppudams came separately each but were piled Together (as usual). I can't imagine trying to work that one out separately (even how to eat your share) as all food was brought in piles. The rice plates were huge so everyone could just share.