large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

Andypandyboy

mumps wrote: »

You are obviously happy to pay less than your share, why try to dress it up?

I take his meaning as it being swings and roundabouts, that is the way we do it anyway. When the bill arrives it is not scrutinised, just paid. Most times we will have roughly the same but we don't actually tot it up. Maybe that seems odd to you, but it isn't done for the reason above I assure you.

mumps

Andypandyboy wrote: »

This what we do too. If you have different circles of friends it is the best thing to do. We go to average restarants and upscale ones, but generally not with the same people. Why would you suggest an evening out to people when you knew it was out of their price range?

If we eat out with our adult kids and adult nieces and nephews we don't suggest going to a top resturant because we are aware it will cost too much. If we go out with close friends who are foodies we know that wherever we choose or they choose, the bill won't be an issue.

It is the polite thing to do.

But what if you are all part of the same circle of friends and everyone wants to go out together to the nice restaurant. Would you really think "I'm not going to go there with them because they will only have one course and then expect to only pay for one course." You would really exclude a friend who was a bit short of cash from a night out with their circle of friends. Just think how someone might feel, they are the ones who struggle a bit and then they here that you and another close friend have gone somewhere nice for a meal but you only ever invite them if it's somewhere cheap.

I am honestly amazed at that. I would never have expected that.

mumps

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I take his meaning as it being swings and roundabouts, that is the way we do it anyway. When the bill arrives it is not scrutinised, just paid. Most times we will have roughly the same but we don't actually tot it up. Maybe that seems odd to you, but it isn't done for the reason above I assure you.

People have tried to explain it isn't all swings and roundabouts. Take me and my husband, I have had a health problem and can't eat a big meal, my husband is diabetic and can't have a pud. Neither of us drink alcohol. We go out several times a year with friends who don't have our health issues and like alcohol, they will drink a bottle of wine, liquers or brandy and three courses. We go to quite nice restaurants. The bill probably comes to anything between £160 and £200. Their share is probably double ours so say we subsidise them an average of £50 a time four or five times a year. Now we can afford that and have done it in the past, they have realised its not fair and pay more recently but we can easily be £250 a year out of pocket. If we were short of money do you think we should just give up going out, go to a cheaper restaurant that none of us like or maybe go short on other things to pay for them.

If its swings and roundabouts fair enough but it really isn't always like that.

Andypandyboy

mumps wrote: »

But what if you are all part of the same circle of friends and everyone wants to go out together to the nice restaurant. Would you really think "I'm not going to go there with them because they will only have one course and then expect to only pay for one course." You would really exclude a friend who was a bit short of cash from a night out with their circle of friends. Just think how someone might feel, they are the ones who struggle a bit and then they here that you and another close friend have gone somewhere nice for a meal but you only ever invite them if it's somewhere cheap.

I am honestly amazed at that. I would never have expected that.

I think you are overthinking this.

People know their own circumstances and work accordingly.

Andypandyboy

mumps wrote: »

If its swings and roundabouts fair enough but it really isn't always like that.

I can only speak for my circle of friends, if it doesn't work out like that for others then it is up to them to reach a solution they are all happy with. We have one we are happy with.

BarryBlue

mumps wrote: »

You are obviously happy to pay less than your share, why try to dress it up?

What absolute rubbish! You have no reason to suppose that whatsoever. The truth is just the opposite, in fact, and I'm always happy to put a few extra quid in the pot, especially if the service has been good.

On that presumptive basis, I assume you are unhappy to part with a penny more than you have to. Are all your friends skinflints too?;)

onlyroz

BarryBlue wrote: »

Good grief! That is exactly why we would not let it happen. It is always possible for a social occasion to go in an unpredictable or spontaneous way. It does happen quite often that we have extras so best if those involved have no financial worries about it.

When we dine out with friends we do so because we want a pleasant evening, not worrying about whether the way the bill is settled is "fair". We clearly move in different social circles so maybe we should just accept that.

So let's say you've asked your friend if they want to join your party for dinner. They've checked out the menu in advance and see that there's a set menu for £40. They think "great, I can take that £50 I was given for my birthday which will be plenty to cover my food, a beer or two and a tip". You all go out and have a merry time. You choose to indulge in the wine, cocktails and coffees but your friend sticks to their budget. Then the bill comes and you now proclaim that your friend needs to cough up £70 to subsidise your own indulgences. How is that fair? Your solution, rather than just letting your friend pay the £50 they have brought, is to simply tell them that they're not welcome unless they're able to subsidise the more indulgent people at the table.

Sorry, but that doesn't sound like being a good friend to me.

moneyistooshorttomention

mumps wrote: »

I think that is a horrible attitude. People who are short of money aren't some sort of underclass you know. If someone wants to go out with a crowd of friends and have something cheap off the menu how is that hurting you? You would seriously leave a good friend out because of that. That isn't what friendship is about either. Such a shame if someone who is going through a difficult time might upset you by worrying about piddling amounts. Hope you never hit hard times as if your friends are like you then you will be in for a miserable time. Still I suppose what goes around comes around.

Absolutely.

I expect most peoples finances can go up and down a bit and something that can be afforded at one point cant at the next or vice-versa. It happens....

My definition of friendship would be more along the lines of "If I can afford a posh meal out - and my friend is having money worries at the moment - then we'll both just go and have a coffee and cake out together instead" for instance.

Andypandyboy

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Absolutely.

I expect most peoples finances can go up and down a bit and something that can be afforded at one point cant at the next or vice-versa. It happens....

My definition of friendship would be more along the lines of "If I can afford a posh meal out - and my friend is having money worries at the moment - then we'll both just go and have a coffee and cake out together instead" for instance.

Which is exactly what Barry blue said.....where is the confused smiley when you need it?;)

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=70538546&postcount=1894

missbiggles1

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Absolutely.

I expect most peoples finances can go up and down a bit and something that can be afforded at one point cant at the next or vice-versa. It happens....

My definition of friendship would be more along the lines of "If I can afford a posh meal out - and my friend is having money worries at the moment - then we'll both just go and have a coffee and cake out together instead" for instance.

How is that suggestion any different from the idea of just going for a pizza or a curry, which is exactly what several of us have been suggesting?