large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

missbiggles1

PasturesNew wrote: »

I do, but as I have spoken to one other person this year when I left the house once to go to tea at somebody's house, I'd say I've got that nailed

But when I DO go out (no plans for the rest of this year to do so), I'd at least like to feel valued and not just a cash cow.

Me too.:)

Now take the next step, decide what you enjoy doing and do it on your own rather than simply staying home.

Feral_Moon

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I've never been to a pub with a group of 10 people but I spent my 20s buying my round when I was drinking halves and the blokes were on pints. Obviously it should've scarred me for life!

Sod that for a lark! When I was out with the lads I'd be drinking pints too, rather than halves :rotfl:

Feral_Moon

PasturesNew wrote: »

I remember when that was a grubby hovel and only the really rough lads went there. To be avoided on boat race days and when the fair was on!

Yes! You're quite right. It's changed a hell of a lot over the years. Shame the area hasn't though

seven-day-weekend

I think that's it, missbiggles. I have made a good friend through playing online scrabble. We got talking on the 'chat' bit and then after a while thought it would be good to meet up. We do so regularly now, along with another lady , also met through scrabble. If you do something you enjoy, then you will meet other people who enjoy it too, and that's a good start to a possible friendship.

duchy

I think most people do know people like that.
In your age group there's often equity release involved -and most people of that generation wouldn't disclose that to all but their closest friends or family not just social friends. There's also others who never embraced the eating out culture of the sixties and seventies and see even a coffee out as an extravagance (Why pay £2 for a coffee in a cafe when you can have one at home for a fraction of the price or bring a flask on a day out -mindset).

You seem to only want to socialize with those with a similar income and mindset - (as you did in your twenties in London so perhaps a lifelong attitude?) . I don't think that is the norm for everyone - I have friends who lost lifestyle through ill health, divorce or redundancy -. Not having the same income doesn't change them from friends to people I'd never want to dine with. Equally I have friends I've know for decades who lived frugally and are now reaping the rewards in later life as their career path paid off or school fees became a distant memory or a number of other reasons. I value their company just as much as I did when their disposable income was dramatically higher or lower - or even if their preference for two courses or three has changed. I don't insist on knowing dining companions available spending or level of comfort in spending neither do I assume that the impression they give publicly of their wealth or otherwise is an accurate reflection of their financial situation.

I don't assume everyone who shops at Aldi is poor either

I've just booked a holiday using a variety of MSE style techniques - Total cost for a week including transatlantic flights, domestic flights and hotels has come to £500 . The transatlantic trip alone if booked "normally" is £600 plus without the other flights , train and hotels. Hearing I was taking that trip you might assume my disposable income was far higher due to the type of trips I take especially if I chose not to tell you how much my trip cost (and why should I tell you. ? ) Lifestyle and income don't always reflect reality .

Some people do talk about money -others don't- some even consider discussing money as vulgar or not socially the thing to do- People are just different.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If you know people, as I do, who live in large, expensive houses but openly say that they can't afford to do something cheap (like going for a coffee or a drink occasionally) you don't need to be Hercule Poirot to know that's their situation. It's an alien concept to me because I think life is for living and not for amassing wealth.

I'm very open about my financial affairs (as I often show on MSE) and I don't know how you can know people for years without having some idea of their general financial situation. It isn't uncommon for people to discuss their pension situation or to mention that they have shares, bonds etc (or that they don't!) - how they're going to manage if a husband dies or leaves them, whether they can afford to take early retirement or not.

If people discuss their lives and personal situations with their friends (as most people I know do) then money tends to come into it somewhere along the road.

missbiggles1

Feral_Moon wrote: »

Sod that for a lark! When I was out with the lads I'd be drinking pints too, rather than halves :rotfl:

You're younger than me - in my 20s it wasn't the done thing for women to drink pints.

duchy

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Surely you can see that splitting a bill is not automatically wrong. any more than paying your own bill is?

It is situation, demographic and custom and practice dependent.

You seem to be saying that those who just split a bill are doing so from some ulterior motive. That is simply not true.

No point labouring the point further though.

I think we got to splitting the bill is not automatically wrong on page two LOL

Kim_kim

onlyroz wrote: »

I know that it isn't the norm to split hotel bills equally - but my point is that the restaurant bill-splitters seem to have some sort of mental block in understanding why many people are unhappy about splitting the bill equally. If you can understand why I wouldn't want to split a hotel bill equally why can't you understand why I don't want to split a restaurant bill equally? My reasons for not wanting to do either are essentially the same - I don't want to subside somebody else's indulgence.

You don't have to ask permission, no one can demand you to subsidise their meal.
It doesn't really matter what others expect.

missbiggles1

duchy wrote: »

I think most people do know people like that.
In your age group there's often equity release involved -and most people of that generation wouldn't disclose that to all but their closest friends or family not just social friends. There's also others who never embraced the eating out culture of the sixties and seventies and see even a coffee out as an extravagance (Why pay £2 for a coffee in a cafe when you can have one at home for a fraction of the price or bring a flask on a day out -mindset).

You seem to only want to socialize with those with a similar income and mindset - (as you did in your twenties in London so perhaps a lifelong attitude?) . I don't think that is the norm for everyone - I have friends who lost lifestyle through ill health, divorce or redundancy -. Not having the same income doesn't change them from friends to people I'd never want to dine with. Equally I have friends I've know for decades who lived frugally and are now reaping the rewards in later life as their career path paid off or school fees became a distant memory or a number of other reasons. I value their company just as much as I did when their disposable income was dramatically higher or lower - or even if their preference for two courses or three has changed. I don't insist on knowing dining companions available spending or level of comfort in spending neither do I assume that the impression they give publicly of their wealth or otherwise is an accurate reflection of their financial situation.

I don't assume everyone who shops at Aldi is poor either

I've just booked a holiday using a variety of MSE style techniques - Total cost for a week including transatlantic flights, domestic flights and hotels has come to £500 . The transatlantic trip alone if booked "normally" is £600 plus without the other flights , train and hotels. Hearing I was taking that trip you might assume my disposable income was far higher due to the type of trips I take especially if I chose not to tell you how much my trip cost (and why should I tell you. ? ) Lifestyle and income don't always reflect reality .

Some people do talk about money -others don't- some even consider discussing money as vulgar or not socially the thing to do- People are just different.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

If you retire to a place where you don't know anybody and your husband's severely disabled and virtually housebound you don't choose who you socialise with, if you socialise at all. If someone's not in my book group ( 7 women, including me, aged between 55 and 75) I don't know them and I certainly don't socialise with all of them.

Now I'm on my own things may change a little but I'm certainly not going to get down with the kids because someone on an internet forum tells me I should!:D

Peter333

I agree with Pastures New and Georgie; people who eat out with friends and colleagues, absolutely ARE entitled to eat as little as they like, and pay for just their own. They have this entitlement no matter how many times, and how many different ways anyone says they obviously don't like anyone, and should just eat on their own.

I am very glad that I don't have anyone in my circle of friends who has such a judgemental attitude towards me. My friends, and my wife and I, live and let live, and don't judge each other. My wife is a small eater, and often has half of what everyone else has. She doesn't get judged at all. If people say anything, it's that they admire her for not being a big eater. What kind of person judges someone on how they eat? Or how little they spend? How rude.

I also agree with Duchy that no WAY can anyone know someone's financial status based on what they eat, where they eat out, and where they shop.

In my experience, the people with the least disposal income and the most debt, will shop at Waitrose, have a new Audi on the drive (on finance,) and live in a 21st century £300K executive house. (Mortgaged to the hilt of course!) In addition, they will be the ones spending £100 at a time on a meal for 2, and £100 on a pair of name-brand shoes... And boy do they love to whitter on about how much they spend on everything.

I also know several couples with 15 year old corsa,with the same Asda George trousers they've worn for 7 years, a 10 year old telly, and who spend seven quid on a meal in Wetherspoons, who have 7 figures in the bank, a successful business (or 2) with a turnover of several million a year, and in some cases, several properties, and lots of land.

They don't crow about it though. They have nothing to prove you see.