Why are some people really tight with their money?

Georgiegirl256

Pollycat wrote: »

Me too.

Jackanory, anyone?

I think Feral Moon has had an unnecessarily hard time on this thread - and I have no idea why.

I know! I think some people just don't understand the difference between gift/clubcard vouchers and money off vouchers.

FBaby wrote: »

Maybe indeed....but then again at the end of it, we had an upset friend, so there had to be a reason why they felt the way they did and my gut feeling is that FM failed to be totally honest from the start about her intention to use her vouchers which is what caused the bad feeling.

I think nlmc summed it up perfectly

I'd actually be miffed at the friend if they kicked up a fuss and caused bad feeling tbh. Using vouchers such as clubcard vouchers isn't wrong and as has been said numourous times already, the friend got the better end of the deal.

FBaby

You're not getting it!! It isn't the use of the vouchers that is the issue, it is the not mentioning the intention of using them in advance that was. If you say you are inviting someone, suggesting an odd arrangement (you pay this, I pay that), then at least have the decency to explain why (because this way I don't pay anything at all, whilst I don't care what you end up paying).

A good friend would have said 'by the way, I am intending on using Tesco's vouchers as you get a good deal with that restaurant, would you be interested in using yours too?' or alternatively would have said 'I'm picking this place because I intend to use my Tesco vouchers, are you ok with that choice of restaurant of would you rather go somewhere else, I can use my vouchers for something else if it is a problem'

tattycath

This thread has gone off topic. Fm has had such a hard time on this thread.
The topic is why are some people really tight? ...not lets turn keyboard warrior on fm.

Georgiegirl256

FBaby wrote: »

You're not getting it!! It isn't the use of the vouchers that is the issue, it is the not mentioning the intention of using them in advance that was. If you say you are inviting someone, suggesting an odd arrangement (you pay this, I pay that), then at least have the decency to explain why (because this way I don't pay anything at all, whilst I don't care what you end up paying).

A good friend would have said 'by the way, I am intending on using Tesco's vouchers as you get a good deal with that restaurant, would you be interested in using yours too?' or alternatively would have said 'I'm picking this place because I intend to use my Tesco vouchers, are you ok with that choice of restaurant of would you rather go somewhere else, I can use my vouchers for something else if it is a problem'

I am getting it, and I'm disagreeing with you. IMO there's no need to mention it in advance because it really isn't a big deal. I am saying I wouldn't be bothered by it and don't know why some people are getting their panties in a twist over it. Just mho, then again I am pretty laid back, and wonder why some people have to make a big drama over everything! :rotfl:

Doesn't mean people aren't good friends if they don't mention it before hand, because it's NO BIG DEAL, it's another form of tender and it would be making it an issue where there isn't one.

If the friend has a clubcard themselves I'm sure they're well aware where they can and cannot use their vouchers.

You're right tattycath, just hate seeing people get jumped on by people making up their own stories and going all Miss Marple on their a*rses!

Kaye1

I think some older people are tight because they have know lean times. I know a very elderly lady who owns three properties, has an income from shares of around £100,000 per year (I know this as she is almost blind so I help her to read her paperwork) yet insists on only buying the basic range in Tesco.

She washes her hair in washing up liquid, I think it is around 30p, eats the cheapest bread, meat etc.

Once I dropped a biscuit and went to throw it into the bin- she was very upset that and insisted I put it on the table to eat later.

I know that there were times in her youth when there was very, very little to eat- she once told a story how they used to steal turnips at night from local fields as they were so hungry.

She is always worried that she will go back to being hungry again, which I find very sad.

Homeownertobe

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I am getting it, and I'm disagreeing with you. IMO there's no need to mention it in advance because it really isn't a big deal. I am saying I wouldn't be bothered by it and don't know why some people are getting their panties in a twist over it. Just mho, then again I am pretty laid back, and wonder why some people have to make a big drama over everything! :rotfl:

Doesn't mean people aren't good friends if they don't mention it before hand, because it's NO BIG DEAL, it's another form of tender and it would be making it an issue where there isn't one.

If the friend has a clubcard themselves I'm sure they're well aware where they can and cannot use their vouchers.

You're right tattycath, just hate seeing people get jumped on by people making up their own stories and going all Miss Marple on their a*rses!

You're being very rude. No wonder you don't see anything wrong with the behaviour!

Georgiegirl256

Homeownertobe wrote: »

You're being very rude. No wonder you don't see anything wrong with the behaviour!

Frustrated maybe? Rude no. If you take exception on the way I word things then I'm sorry, but I personally don't see anything wrong with it (the vouchers) and think there's MUCH bigger things in life to get wound up over. In the grand scheme of things, this isn't one of them IMO.

We all have our own opinions and own take on things, and that is mine.

clearingout

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I think people are on about people being tight when they DO have the money.

But how do you know when a person is being tight and a person is struggling?

clearingout

Kaye1 wrote: »

I think some older people are tight because they have know lean times. I know a very elderly lady who owns three properties, has an income from shares of around £100,000 per year (I know this as she is almost blind so I help her to read her paperwork) yet insists on only buying the basic range in Tesco.

She washes her hair in washing up liquid, I think it is around 30p, eats the cheapest bread, meat etc.

Once I dropped a biscuit and went to throw it into the bin- she was very upset that and insisted I put it on the table to eat later.

I know that there were times in her youth when there was very, very little to eat- she once told a story how they used to steal turnips at night from local fields as they were so hungry.

She is always worried that she will go back to being hungry again, which I find very sad.

This is me. After my now ex husband walked out, I went through some very lean years. Not so lean 8 years later but I find it a lot harder to spend than I did. I now have savings and could weather a prolonged storm if necessary but really fear the 'what if' because I know how hard it is. I don't go hungry - it's bigger spending that causes me concern - I enjoy the security of the savings more than any spending!!

pathtofreedom

Money is always a tricky thing with people, especially as peoples incomes and expenses can vary so much, eg kids or not, disabilities or not, car or public transport etc etc. The media the past few years doesn't help with poverty !!!!!!, implying everyone else is getting something for "free" without thinking about the actual circumstances and the reality of those situations.

I have turned down a lot of going out the past couple of years as I needed to save and OP my mortgage so I could afford to move. I do have an emergency fund as well, which I did almost need to spend moving house but luckily haven't had to dip into too much. If someone looked at my bank account I'd look "rich" to a lot of people, yet for me to go out with some of these people who've invited me, it would cost me trains of over £100 plus a hotel of £50 a night, plus station parking etc before even doing the pub or gig or whatever it was. Yes I could have used my savings for it, but I've also gone without holidays and a new car and things in this time, as moving was the most important thing to me.

I organised a trip to a show a couple of years ago, I had gift vouchers (so someone else paid cash and gave them to me). There were 6 people wanting to come, I arranged everything and booked it. I could have paid for all 6 with my vouchers, but didn't as they aren't that close friends, and I wanted to save some for another time. I also managed to get other discounts on top though for different reasons. I ended up having a free ticket with my vouchers, then the rest of the discounts I split between the other 5 people so all their tickets were reduced. They all bought me a drink on the night, which was less that the difference I saved per head, which was £40 quid or something per ticket, and they knew it had cost me for trains, hotels etc where they didn't have those costs. I could have just organised it all and pocketed the whole discount and they wouldn't have known as it wasn't written on the tickets, I didn't do that as it didn't sit well with me to do that. A couple of them said though they'd have done that if it was them, just as organising these people is like herding cats.

Some other friends I have, there are a few of us that go to gigs and things a couple of times a year. The tickets for the gigs can vary quite a bit in price depending on the venue artist. When we were all earning quite a bit of money, we'd just all take turns buying the tickets, and it would all even out over time just with making it up with buying drinks or not. We'd never sit down and add it up, but that is cause we all knew we could afford it.

I've had other friends where I knew they could never afford to do something, I've paid for the hotel, and tickets, and even travel sometimes, just as I could afford it then, and I wanted that friend to enjoy the experience with me. They would "repay" me by a night round their house, so they cooked dinner or something, I wouldn't care exactly how much they spent on the ingredients or whatever, as that isn't the point, the point is spending time with your friends and it was my choice to pay everything with no expectation to be repaid. Even if you just think about getting a take away at a friends, I have friends where we just do rounds for that, so one time I'll buy chinese, next time they will buy pizza or whatever. We don't keep score of the exact total each time or split it as that works fine as we know we can both afford to do it that way.

As for the tesco vouchers, I would have been impressed if that had happened to me, and I'd probably offer next time to see if I had enough points to do the same thing in reverse, or do a similar thing again even if they still used vouchers and I paid cash. It wasn't like they made a gain off their friend by using the vouchers in anyway, or that the friend even paid more in cash. Even if they did make a gain as long as their was a chance for another visit where the situations were reversed, I think that would be fine. If they were using a 2 for 1 voucher lets say, and getting the friend to pay the whole cost without making them aware at all, and having the chance to do it again with them getting the free deal, then that I think is wrong.

I think it all depends how close you are to these friends, are they work friends, or family, or long term friends or whatever. Are they in a similar situation as you, well as far as you can tell as you can never know for sure what debt they might have or hidden expenses. If there is an unequal split and it is someone you're close it, I wouldn't think twice about paying extra to do something my friend would really like. If they weren't that close a friend I'd more likely look at a different activity rather than put that person in a difficult situation to make them feel bad, and that they felt that would be the only way they could spend time with me. I'm a cheap date, I'm just as happy watching netflixs and eating at home as going out if it is just to spend time with someone, rather than it being specific event or gig or something.