Why are some people really tight with their money?

pigpen

Serendipitious wrote: »

I found Feral Moon's experience (and the various reactions to it) very interesting.

I've won a gift voucher for a meal for two at a restaurant and want to invite a friend. The gift voucher covers 2 main meals and no drinks or puddings or coffee afterwards. I'd gladly foot the remainder of the bill but I am concerned that if I do, my friend may then feel obliged to issue a similar invitation in the future, and I don't want to cause any obligation.

So in the light of what's been said, I'm now wondering how to word it so that we can both enjoy the benefit of this. We'd each be driving to the venue from a different direction, which probably means alcohol won't be a feature.

So tell your friend exactly that!!

It will just be desserts and drinks to pay for if they want to come .. If they can't then you understand but would love them to be able to ..

tea_lover

Serendipitious wrote: »

I found Feral Moon's experience (and the various reactions to it) very interesting.

I've won a gift voucher for a meal for two at a restaurant and want to invite a friend. The gift voucher covers 2 main meals and no drinks or puddings or coffee afterwards. I'd gladly foot the remainder of the bill but I am concerned that if I do, my friend may then feel obliged to issue a similar invitation in the future, and I don't want to cause any obligation.

So in the light of what's been said, I'm now wondering how to word it so that we can both enjoy the benefit of this. We'd each be driving to the venue from a different direction, which probably means alcohol won't be a feature.

Personally I'd just split whatever the bill was, after the vouchers have been taken off the cost - particularly if neither of you are drinking.

Georgiegirl256

Serendipitious wrote: »

I found Feral Moon's experience (and the various reactions to it) very interesting.

I've won a gift voucher for a meal for two at a restaurant and want to invite a friend. The gift voucher covers 2 main meals and no drinks or puddings or coffee afterwards. I'd gladly foot the remainder of the bill but I am concerned that if I do, my friend may then feel obliged to issue a similar invitation in the future, and I don't want to cause any obligation.

So in the light of what's been said, I'm now wondering how to word it so that we can both enjoy the benefit of this. We'd each be driving to the venue from a different direction, which probably means alcohol won't be a feature.

Just explain exactly what you've wrote above. You've won a gift voucher that covers 2 main meals and would she like to come with you.

To me, drinks, coffees and puddings are extras. Not everyone has them. For me personally, I hardly ever have a dessert and probably would have the car so wouldn't be drinking much. So there wouldn't really be much to split at the end anyhow. Anything I did have though I'd expect to pay for it myself as it's an extra.

If a friend explained they'd won a voucher for 2 free meals and wanted to invite me, I'd be pleased they'd thought of me and accept it with the good grace in which it was intended. I certainly wouldn't quibble about having to pay for any extras myself, I wouldn't expect them to pay for the whole meal.

If we both had say a coffee and one drink each, why split it, the cost would be the same anyhow, just pay for your own. Or actually, if I was the friend being invited, I would pay for the drinks to say thank you to the friend for treating me. Again, it doesn't matter how they got the vouchers, they're still choosing to spend them on you, so I think it's only good manners to buy them a drink. Just mho.

Georgiegirl256

FBaby wrote: »

So in that case, why agreeing to go to such an expensive place? I'm sorry but your scenario doesn't make much sense and your story has changed quite through your posts, which is why people are not taking what you say at face value.
Y.

She hasn't changed her story at all. I think FM is getting an unneccessarily hard time....I bet she's wishing she never blooming said anything now!

Feral_Moon

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

She hasn't changed her story at all. I think FM is getting an unneccessarily hard time....I bet she's wishing she never blooming said anything now!

Quite lol and thanks :beer:

And it was hardly an "expensive" place ... overpriced, yes ... for a run of the mill chain restaurant, hence the vouchers!

SingleSue

A family member told me I was doing alright and the comfortable one a couple of weekends ago as I have not needed to borrow money from another relative for a very long time. The truth is actually so very different, their income is greater than mine, they have less children to support than I do (we both have one at home to support but I also have two at university to support and boy that does not come cheap)

The reason why I appear to be the comfortable one is pretty much I have no life, I don't drink or smoke, I rarely go out for social occasions, I am careful with my bills, I don't gamble or waste money willy nilly on tat for the house or buy clothes on a whim and I cook from scratch where ever possible rather than buy take aways or microwave meals, I even go without food for myself at times to make sure things get paid. Ok, I always manage a holiday every year but it is a cheap caravan holiday using vouchers and other discount codes to reduce the cost and my normal weekly food budget for spending money.

However, they buy copious amounts of alcohol a week, rarely buy anything other than ready meals, one smokes, one goes out socially at least twice a week and they have so many clothes that there is not enough room to store them.

To them though (or more particularly one of them), my wanting to have the money they owe me for an item they purchased from me is money grabbing and not understanding how difficult it is for them to survive on the money they receive plus more importantly, not needed because I am comfortable financially...I needed that money (still do) for my books to balance and to maybe replace the one pair of jeans I own as they have developed a rather large hole!

Appearances can be deceptive, to others I may appear to be more comfortable as my bills are paid on time and I can at times put a little bit away (we are not talking mega money here, a pound here or there for a rainy day or for emergencies/school expenses) but the reality is that I am eeking out what little I have and going without to make it work.

duchy

I think Georgiegirl has it right.

I was on holiday in Vegas with friends and I earned before I left the UK some free rooms and meals. As an MSEer I did my research and the room credit was used for a room that would have cost £200 but we paid the resort fee of twenty pounds only. I wasn't fussed if I paid the resort fee myself it was still a bargain - one friend wanted to split the res ort fee three ways , the other friend wanted to split it two ways so I didn't pay as I had got us the massive discount (I'd also got a few free meals and a free pool cabana for a day at a very nice hotel for all three of us).

I expected to pay for my own extras -if my friends wanted to pay for my extras as a thank you then that was great- but not expected. I'd invited them to join me because I enjoy their company not to offset my bill

Pollycat

duchy wrote: »

I was on holiday in Vegas with friends and I earned before I left the UK some free rooms and meals. As an MSEer I did my research and the room credit was used for a room that would have cost £200 but we paid the resort fee of twenty pounds only. I wasn't fussed if I paid the resort fee myself it was still a bargain - one friend wanted to split the res ort fee three ways , the other friend wanted to split it two ways so I didn't pay as I had got us the massive discount (I'd also got a few free meals and a free pool cabana for a day at a very nice hotel for all three of us).

I think this friend ^^^ got it wrong

duchy wrote: »

I was on holiday in Vegas with friends and I earned before I left the UK some free rooms and meals. As an MSEer I did my research and the room credit was used for a room that would have cost £200 but we paid the resort fee of twenty pounds only. I wasn't fussed if I paid the resort fee myself it was still a bargain - one friend wanted to split the res ort fee three ways , the other friend wanted to split it two ways so I didn't pay as I had got us the massive discount (I'd also got a few free meals and a free pool cabana for a day at a very nice hotel for all three of us).

and this friend ^^^ got it right.

duchy wrote: »

I expected to pay for my own extras -if my friends wanted to pay for my extras as a thank you then that was great- but not expected. I'd invited them to join me because I enjoy their company not to offset my bill

I know what you mean and £6.67 each is neither here nor there but personally, I would have wanted to show my appreciation of your generous gesture. And I'd probably have made sure that I bought more drinks than you.

I have a charity shopper friend, we go out for the day maybe 4 or 5 times a year. She drives, I buy lunch.
She says I'm the only one of her friends who does this, all the others expect her to pay for her own lunch - and they don't offer her petrol money. And it's not as though her friends are poor.

I don't have a problem with people not being able to afford things - I treat my sister quite a lot as I'm much better off financially that she is - but I really dislike people who are mean when they don't need to be.

Pollycat

SingleSue wrote: »

A family member told me I was doing alright and the comfortable one a couple of weekends ago as I have not needed to borrow money from another relative for a very long time. The truth is actually so very different, their income is greater than mine, they have less children to support than I do (we both have one at home to support but I also have two at university to support and boy that does not come cheap)

The reason why I appear to be the comfortable one is pretty much I have no life, I don't drink or smoke, I rarely go out for social occasions, I am careful with my bills, I don't gamble or waste money willy nilly on tat for the house or buy clothes on a whim and I cook from scratch where ever possible rather than buy take aways or microwave meals, I even go without food for myself at times to make sure things get paid. Ok, I always manage a holiday every year but it is a cheap caravan holiday using vouchers and other discount codes to reduce the cost and my normal weekly food budget for spending money.

However, they buy copious amounts of alcohol a week, rarely buy anything other than ready meals, one smokes, one goes out socially at least twice a week and they have so many clothes that there is not enough room to store them.

To them though (or more particularly one of them), my wanting to have the money they owe me for an item they purchased from me is money grabbing and not understanding how difficult it is for them to survive on the money they receive plus more importantly, not needed because I am comfortable financially...I needed that money (still do) for my books to balance and to maybe replace the one pair of jeans I own as they have developed a rather large hole!

Appearances can be deceptive, to others I may appear to be more comfortable as my bills are paid on time and I can at times put a little bit away (we are not talking mega money here, a pound here or there for a rainy day or for emergencies/school expenses) but the reality is that I am eeking out what little I have and going without to make it work.

I know who I'd rather have as my friend, SingleSue.

FBaby

And it was hardly an "expensive" place ... overpriced, yes ... for a run of the mill chain restaurant, hence the vouchers!

So did you suggest the restaurant knowing you had vouchers and planning not to pay for the meal anyway? Or did she suggest it? In which case, did you say ok because you already knew you had vouchers? If that's the case, did you tell her that you had vouchers you could use for both, or did you let her know where she could also access these vouchers?

What I would quite upsetting is if my friend managed to find vouchers which I could have used myself but didn't tell me. If anyone of my groups find vouchers, they usually make copies for everyone, or if one applies to all the meals, then we use the voucher and share the cost of the rest.

I just really don't get the point of what you suggested.