Debt ridden family from hell

Yorkshire_Midge

@Enterprise - my instinct is to get her out of there too. They could still make it uncomfortable for her if she stays + there is a dependency on them in terms of maintenance of the property and all sorts of other practicalities (even down to where the post goes).


Unfortunately, we're in a property hot spot and you wouldn't get a retirement flat for much under £120K around here. So you can see that's a big chunk we would have to put in. If she had a good pension, she could have paid us rent (which would get us around the notion of it being a hand-out, and it would also help us to offset the hole it would leave in our finances).


We could look outside the area at cheaper property, but that seems unfair to move her out of the area she has lived in all her life.

moneyistooshorttomention

It does indeed seem unfair - is unfair - to move her out of the area she has lived in all her life. But its something that maybe doesn't have to be ruled out...:(

But do check on all the other options available to the "older person" agegroup first - and yep...up to and including mobile homes if need be...

Fingers crossed that, at the least, she wont have to move "out of area".

hign10pines

I'd love to see the day when they have a mountain of debt and no-one to bail them out!

Yorkshire_Midge

@moneyistooshort - we did have an off the wall thought of getting her a mobile home to park in their drive. There was a certain appeal in the thought of husband having to tip out the waste container for her - i.e. let the b*gger clean up someone else's sh*t for a change. And if it all goes pear shaped, she still has something of her own to sell. I'd struggle to get over the Alan Bennett "lady in the van" image though!


On a more serious note, we did consider a pre-fab granny annex to give a fully workable space at a lower cost than an extension. That's still a possibility though needs planning by the look if it has full facilities. Won't get much back on it though.


@High10pines - if it wasn't for the fact the kids are the innocent party in all this, we'd have let them hit the wall years ago. It's the only way people who can't manage money really learn.

xylophone

Are you in a position to lend her the full purchase price of a flat?

If so, you might consider this and take a first charge on the property?

Person_one

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

@moneyistooshort - we did have an off the wall thought of getting her a mobile home to park in their drive. There was a certain appeal in the thought of husband having to tip out the waste container for her - i.e. let the b*gger clean up someone else's sh*t for a change. And if it all goes pear shaped, she still has something of her own to sell. I'd struggle to get over the Alan Bennett "lady in the van" image though!


On a more serious note, we did consider a pre-fab granny annex to give a fully workable space at a lower cost than an extension. That's still a possibility though needs planning by the look if it has full facilities. Won't get much back on it though.

You seem to be talking a bit as though you have the power to make all the decisions here, but you have absolutely no control over whether your in-laws have an extension/annexe/caravan on the drive or over where your MIL chooses to live and what she spends her money on.

I understand that you're angry, I would be too, but what does she want to happen? What help has she asked you for?

Yorkshire_Midge

@Xylophone - around here, that's a sum of £120K. It's not off the table, but it has potential to change/limit our own futures. My wife is not in the best of health as it is, and we don't know what her needs might be. If it really did come down to the crunch, my priority has to be my wife over her foolish mum.

Rosemary7391

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

@Person one and Melstar - we can't force her to stay with us. She was determined she wouldn't be bullied any more, and was going back to "her home" whilst they sort it out. She wouldn't even stop with us the first night after it all blew up. Just marched back in there like she was taking on Hitler. Husband has been strangely quiet since apparently.

I can definitely understand that attitude! It's good that she is willing to stand up to them, makes some things easier. Makes some things harder too of course.

I'd be concerned that with her spending money on an extension of any sort, is that if their house gets repossessed, so does any extension. It does seem like a bad idea for her to remain long term with them (however much I understand the wish not to be bullied, she needs some security). Might I suggest that while she is staying there, she makes sure her valuable/sentimental items are securely stored elsewhere - with you, a friend etc, just in case they do actually evict her? And she can make plans to move on in her own time, to a place that suits her better.

She must have some sort of pension, even if not a good one? If you could lend her, say, £100k for a retirement flat, she could pay you ~ £170 a month. That would be about 2% interest, basically a market rate at the moment, so she can still feel independent whilst getting into a better position. Obviously any money of her own she can put in would reduce that amount, and you could get it all formally written up so you're both protected.

Yorkshire_Midge

@Person_one - that's very easy to answer. She wants THEM to sort out THEIR mess and finally take some responsibility in their stupid irresponsible little lives. She doesn't want or expect me/my wife to fix this for them or her - just provide the emotional support and level headed thought to help her get through this.


Unfortunately, this means that right now, she would on principle go for the extension that me, and it seems everyone else on here, thinks is the WORST option. So you'll have to excuse me if it seems I'm trying to take control and push her in a different direction.

Person_one

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

@Person_one - that's very easy to answer. She wants THEM to sort out THEIR mess and finally take some responsibility in their stupid irresponsible little lives. She doesn't want or expect me/my wife to fix this for them or her - just provide the emotional support and level headed thought to help her get through this.


Unfortunately, this means that right now, she would on principle go for the extension that me, and it seems everyone else on here, thinks is the WORST option. So you'll have to excuse me if it seems I'm trying to take control and push her in a different direction.

I agree that it doesn't sound like a great option, but if she wants to hang on and hope that they will eventually do it, realistically what can you do? She's an adult, of sound mind, your choices here are whether or not you pay for anything, which I wouldn't to be honest.