Debt ridden family from hell

ruggedtoast

Depending on what she was paying and how, and what for, she may be able to claim that she made a material investment in their house and therefore is entitled to a share of the equity.

Given what the OP has said though, I am guessing that the MIL is closer to 90 than not, and her daughter and in son in law are assuming that the problem will just go away sooner rather than later. Her savings certainly will.

The MIL hasn't done herself any favours by cutting herself off from the other half of her family either. I guess there are two sides to every story anyway.

As neither of her children appear to want her to live with them I would suggest social services are involved and she can go into sheltered housing, which will be charged for until her savings run out. Probably better than them being used to add an extension to the other lots house anyway.

Yorkshire_Midge

@moneyistooshort - as you might have spotted, I've tried to get my ranting out the way on here, and I have to say its been quite therapeutic so far!


I spoke to the CAB a couple of days ago and I do think we could probably get her something via the council route, but she's proud and would take great offence to any sort of "handout" either from the council, or me and my wife for that matter.


As for the total including previous bail outs, I really couldn't say - but anything from £170,000 - £200,000 seems a pretty good guess.


It breaks my heart to think how hard my wife's lovely late father worked all his life to provide for the family and he didn't get that long retirement either. I try not to think of all the wasted money - I just think myself lucky I married the daughter who is just like him, and that at least he never saw the full extent of his other daughter's behaviour.

Person_one

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

@Rosemary - we instinctively felt the same, but equally, we felt that was the deliberate intention. MiL is quite strong willed and was determined she wouldn't be thrown out of her home. Plus legally, if we re-housed her, they get to wash their hands of the problem for certain. So she sleeps there, but spends her time either here with us or out and about.

After what you've written about them, can't believe you'd even consider this!

I second the suggestion that your MIL gets some legal advice. If there is anything in writing about these bailouts or about the promise of a granny flat being repayment for the loans, then she may have some different options.

For now, surely she is going to stay with you temporarily until this is sorted?

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

I'm failing to see how else this can be construed other than your mother in law stupidly giving all her money to these people, and I can't see how any court could possibly intervene unless she is judged to not be of sound mind, which you don't indicate. You say she knew what she was doing and did it for her grandchildren.

You can't make your sister in law and her partner do anything; I think you would find that a threat of "exposing" them unless they sell their house would quickly reveal that the monetary price they put on that exposure is in reality pretty small.

If you don't want to help her and she can't/won't stay where she is. she should simply look at sheltered housing as the poster above indicates. Although if and when she becomes unable to fund it, the recent transfer of £140,000 to her daughter might raise flags on deprivation of assets. not sure what would happen there.

melstar11

As she is partially blind and elderly, can you not help to find her suitable sheltered accommodation? Contact the local housing association and explain that she had been living with relatives but the relationship has broken down. You can't force these people to do anything nor should you let your MIL go back there.

xylophone

Unfortunately it would appear from what you have said that your MIL is of sound mind and has willingly given the money to this family so as to help her grandchildren - this being the case, trying to get any of it back seems like a bootless errand.

Trying to prove that she was offered a "granny flat" if she moved in with the family, likewise.

She has sight problems and is elderly - approach the local council regarding sheltered housing - presumably she has a pension and some savings etc, so will be able to pay her rent.

She may be eligible for Attendance Allowance, so check this out.

moneyistooshorttomention

I think a lot of us have watched (or been part of) the pressure the child-bearing generation can put on the grandparent generation to help out with those grandchildren generally.

Most of the time - its willing grandparents being all too pleased to have an excuse to "splash money" on their grandchildren. But there are times when the middle generation does use a form of blackmail in effect on the grandparent generation and/or pleading that their grandchildren will suffer if they dont pay up.

I'm not a grandparent (or parent) but I can see just how attached grandparents often are to their grandchildren - and it must be easy for the middle generation to exploit that sometimes.

Yorkshire Midge - yep...you're fully entitled to a big-time rant to us on this and I dont blame you for that. In your position - so would I.

carefullycautious

Read this


http://elderabuse.org.uk/what-is-elder-abuse/


Particularly the 'financial'


What they have done is disgraceful and playing 'helping the grandchildren card' is distasteful to say the least.


I would have no qualms about reporting them

Mojisola

And, if it hasn't already been done, get Power of Attorney sorted out so that the horrible relatives don't have control over her money should she lose capability.

[Deleted User]

I would contact the council and see if they have a vulnerable adult scheme or contact Age UK .., to me it seems there has been elder abuse that needs to be investigated. They may also be able to protect your MIL and offer some suggestions to help her.

It sounds to me that like any abusive situation, this is going to be complicated to deal with. Find someone who can help.

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/health-wellbeing/relationships-and-family/protecting-yourself/what-is-elder-abuse/