Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

codemonkey

I think he's just fed up of me going on about it. Honestly, I get it, it's boring now, but what I needed from him was for him to say, "I recognise that it's making you feel ill and if it's really that bad, quit and even though it will be hard financially, we'll make it work' at which point I would have gone 'Nah, it's OK, I can stick it out a bit longer' What I got was 'We can't afford for you to quit. Now shut up!' which just makes me feel like I'm just around to be a worker bee and how I feel about it doesn't matter. I find it hard to say how I feel in real life anyway, so this reaction just makes me less likely to try to communicate with him.


Anyway never mind, hopefully with this interview things are moving in the right direction (although I have to do a presentation and I'm terrible at those) and I bought pigs in blankets and cupcakes for lunch to cheer myself up. I feel bare minimum work (one of my colleagues swooped in and took all the credit for my work I'm Friday so I feel less inclined to do much), Christmas movies and DA dog cuddles are the way to go here.

tea_lover

Muppet Christmas Carol and/or Elf

codemonkey

Oh tea, don't even get me started on Elf not bring on TV this year!!

heartbreak_star

I think I'm in a minority in thinking Elf is rubbish...

Code, Mr HBS is in the same situation as you at the moment, and I really don't know what to say to him as if he quits his job we lose the house, but I hate seeing him so down I haven't been as harsh as Mr CP, but I have gently reminded him that he wage-chased this job and next time he should look at the actual job rather than the salary.

I think that nearly led into an argument as I'd probably be on more money selling insurance than in academia, but I'm really happy here.

Sooooo...I don't even know where I'm going with this except to say that Mr CP might be feeling a bit helpless, or frightened that you'll quit anyway and worried about money. I know I am.

EDIT: *loves* to you though. It's hard. And GOOD LUCK with the interview!!

HBS x

Izadora

*I'll whisper it very quietly* I've never seen Elf

Pyxis

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I think I'm in a minority in thinking Elf is rubbish...

Code, Mr HBS is in the same situation as you at the moment, and I really don't know what to say to him as if he quits his job we lose the house, but I hate seeing him so down I haven't been as harsh as Mr CP, but I have gently reminded him that he wage-chased this job and next time he should look at the actual job rather than the salary.

I think that nearly led into an argument as I'd probably be on more money selling insurance than in academia, but I'm really happy here.

Sooooo...I don't even know where I'm going with this except to say that Mr CP might be feeling a bit helpless, or frightened that you'll quit anyway and worried about money. I know I am.

EDIT: *loves* to you though. It's hard. And GOOD LUCK with the interview!!

HBS x

I know what Code means. The boosting power that a bit of validation can give you is enormous. You then don't feel you're alone in your distress/worry/stress/anxiety.

Even thought you both know what the answer will be, just sitting down and discussing the pros and cons of the situation/remedies for it can give the 'sufferer' a big boost, and then they don't feel alone.

It is easy to feel alone with a worry, and if that worry gets poo-pooed, made light of, or dismissed out of hand, then the loneliness+anxiety situation worsens.

As you say, Code, a hug and cuddle, a reassurance, and a discussed resumè of the horrible situation can make things feel so much better.

HBS, as well as that, why not say something like, "Let's review the situation in three months' time".
You kind of both know what the answer will be in three months, but the psychological boost of putting a finite length of time to it cannot be underestimated. Also, it emphasises that one's partner appreciates the ghastliness of the situation, but isn't ruling out a resolution, and a willingness to discuss the options.
(Those options may not change, and you may both know they won't, but the fact that the discussion is possible in three months' time can relieve some of the stress and be a bit liberating).
Put it in the calendar, to make it real.

Izadora wrote: »

*I'll whisper it very quietly* I've never seen Elf

Neither have I.

tea_lover

Totally agree Pyxis. Have to say, if I was telling someone how much my work was upsetting me and they pretty much said it was my own fault for talking the job I wouldn't be too impressed!

heartbreak_star

That's a good idea Pyxis! Calendar it is

Tea, I do try and be as sympathetic as I can because I get where he's coming from and realise his rose tinted glasses have fallen off...but I grump internally because he really crowed about this job when he got it, and now he's not keen anymore...

HBS x

whitewing

Ian McC - not your fault, WaS. Funny how people touch your life even just by being on the tele.

Xmas songs at zumba tonight. I thought I knew all xmas songs, but evidently not.

code, good luck. Hope you have forgiven Mr CP.

Pyxis

whitewing wrote: »

Ian McC - not your fault, WaS. Funny how people touch your life even just by being on the tele.

.

Who?

Penguin....If it's Sir Ian McKellan, apparently, that was a hoax, and he's alive. End.