Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

tea_lover

Me too elsien!

seven-day-weekend

I suppose on the outside I'm one of those people who has everything. A long and happy marriage, a job I enjoyed (never wanted a career), enough income in retirement, health, a son who has never brought us any trouble, a nice home and a holiday static caravan in a lovely place. To cap it all, last year I received a sizeable inheritance that I knew nothing about previously, from someone I didn't expect.

But there have been things along the way that people don't know about. Nor will they know, I don't want them to. Some of it has been quite traumatic.

Also, my husband has intermittent mental health problems, but no-one outside our family would know that unless we told them (he just doesn't see them when he's ill, and he's quite good at putting a happy mask on if he has to see anyone).

My son and his partner both have Aspergers Syndrome so both need a little more help than most adult children and always will.

We don't always know what is below the surface. Maybe it isn't as rosy as it looks.

Having said all that, I am aware of what a good life I have and am always thankful for it, and remember the person who left me the inheritance every day, our bungalow is named after her.

I don't know why some draw the short straw, or whether there is indeed an answer.

Pyxis

Happy Birthday, JobbingMusician!

whitewing

I think those who 'have it all' may be better at processing and accepting that crap does happen.

The phrase 'it couldn't have happened to a nicer person' comes to mind.

My ER is not expected to last until month end. I will see her later with littlewing. We have told littlewing that she may not see her again after today. I am just putting feelings` on hold until the weekend as I have work on that I can't get out of.

Happy Birthday, JM! Have a wonderful, marvellous day.

onomatopoeia99

OK, penguin coming up about the meetup (concerns death)

The meetup group is one that talks about ethical / philosophical subjects, and this time it was end of life and assisted dying, particularly for those with incurable conditions. Whether the individual should be able to choose, to get help to effect that choice, under what circumstances, whether the current legal position on assisted suicide is correct, the effect on those that love and care for them, the possibilities for abuse if the law were changed, and so on. Many of the people there, including me, had experience of watching a family member suffering through a long decline, most often some kind of dementia but there were other conditions as well. It was interesting to hear different experiences and opinions, and also to learn about how things work in other countries where the law does allow it, which is not necessarily as one might imagine. Anyway, lots to think about, especially what are known as "advanced decisions", which I've been reading up on as I'm going to make one.

One thing many agreed on is that there's still a great taboo about talking about death which hinders debate, though not in my family any more after we watched an elderly family member decline for over a decade and she clearly stated she did not want to be here any more, though her condition meant she would not have been considered competent to make any decisions.


I also (re)learned that getting to central Bath on a weekday evening is an absolute massive rush after work. Been many years since I tried, and this time I failed and was late

onomatopoeia99

Happy birthday JM

Izadora

Hello Janey, I hope things start looking up for you soon.

Ono, that meetup sounds great. There are so many things to consider that it's a fascinating subject.

Happy birthday JM!!! :bdaycake:

Oakdene

Feeling sick with panic & worry at the moment, really hoping things pick up

Waves_and_Smiles

Happy Birthday JM!

SDW, I have always looked on life as everyone has a story, every single one of us. If you talk to anyone for long enough they will be able to speak about some very painful things that have happened to them no matter how their life might look from the outside. For example, my life looks great to someone with the same diagnoses as me who is unable to live independently, it is all relative to each situation. I try never to judge anyone on how their life appears at a superficial level, we can just never know.

Sorry things feel bad Oakdene, can we help?

seven-day-weekend

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Happy Birthday JM!

SDW, I have always looked on life as everyone has a story, every single one of us. If you talk to anyone for long enough they will be able to speak about some very painful things that have happened to them no matter how their life might look from the outside. For example, my life looks great to someone with the same diagnoses as me who is unable to live independently, it is all relative to each situation. I try never to judge anyone on how their life appears at a superficial level, we can just never know.

Sorry things feel bad Oakdene, can we help?

Thanks for those kind words WaS, I too look at life like that. We really do not know, in most cases, what goes on under the surface.

I have a dear friend, she is a retired Pastor's wife and has spent all he life caring for other people, at one time she ran a big house full of troubled teenagers. She is one of the kindest people you will ever wish to meet and nothing is ever too much trouble. Even though she is now 70 she still meets with people with problems, to counsel, love them and help them with their problems.

Not many people know, and I am one that does, the fears and terrors that she has herself, and her constant daily battle with OCD. I think she is so brave. Every day she battles against things that terrify her.

Yet very few people know this, they just see the kind, caring and confident person that she has to be towards those she is helping.

As you say, we all have a story.