Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

tea_lover

Ooh good questions code, let me know what you come up with?! I have similar friends (very happily married, amazing children, great jobs that they enjoy, financially healthy, physically healthy) I love them all dearly and am very happy for them, but I do sometimes wonder how I managed to get pretty much everything wrong!

I am close to walking at work today. Have got a v scary work thing on Thursday (which involves 6hrs of travelling tomorrow). Just to add to the fun my boss is now sending me multiple technical docs (several hundred pages each) which it "would be useful for me to read". I haven't got a clue what I'm doing, I've got no interest in any of it, and my feet are cold which always puts me in a bad mood. There absolutely has to be more to life than this. Feeling totally overwhelmed by it all.

Izadora

Code, it's something I've thought about in the past and I ended up scrambling my brain and still didn't come up with any kind of answer.
The fact that some people have everything fall into place with no discernible effort on their part while others work ridiculously hard and still struggle suggests that it's just luck.
The fact that some people are given opportunity after chance after helping-hand and still end up with nothing while others get a raw deal and go on to succeed suggests that you make your own luck.
The fact that some people can live an enviable life but only see what they don't have while others can live a hard life and be grateful for any small positive suggests that it's largely down to outlook.
But is that outlook down to luck and how your chemicals work or is it because you've made the effort to think that way?

On and on and round and round my thoughts go...

So, in short, I haven't a clue!!

Tea, good luck with the scary work things. Is the travel by car/train/plane? If you're not driving it will make for a very dull journey but you can have a look through the docs then.
I'm sure you have a much better idea of what you're doing than you think you do. I know it doesn't help with the lack of interest in what you're doing but it's a start.

Get yourself some very warm, snuggly socks and a hot drink and take a deep breath.

onomatopoeia99

Code, I think some people / couples are just lucky and everything works for them. Others have ups and downs but persevere and get to where they want in the end, and still others no matter how they try don't end up where they want to. I know one couple who seem now to have it all - nice house. grown up children with good degrees etc, enough money they don't need to work ever again, and so on, but I also know that before tehy got there there was post-natal depression and later clinical depression, pregnancy problems (including something I won't mention, even penguined) and at times they really struggled from one day to the next.

There seems no reason to it, no karma. Persistance can sometimes overcome obstacles, but sometimes it doesn't matter and ultimately if luck is against you it won't happen. Which is very fatalistic, but how I see it.

Best wishes for the scary work thing tea. Was going to ask if you were coming here, but even with the train lines being flooded in the south west it's not six hours travelling! I'd treat the documents as "well, perhaps they might be useful, in an alternate universe where I have the time to sit and read several hundred pages of technical information and also still have time to do my job!"

onomatopoeia99

And now I'm off to a meetup group for a discussion on a controversial subject which is probably on the penguin list. If I don't get lost in central Bath looking for parking :rotfl:

To be honest I'm so tired I could easily stay home, but I hardly go out as it is and making excuses to stay at home (my default position) won't change that.:o

ljaneyr

Hello,

I stumbled across this thread accidentally when searching for 'IVF'. Yep - I'm also struggling with infertility. It seems like a great idea so can I join you please?

At the moment my biggest issue is probably anxiety with a bit of depression thrown in from time to time!

Today I am feeling very low after rowing with my DH and failing again to get pregnant again. I can't seem to pick myself up this month.

Can someone please explain 'penguin'?

Janey xxx

Torry_Quine

ljaneyr wrote: »

Hello,

I stumbled across this thread accidentally when searching for 'IVF'. Yep - I'm also struggling with infertility. It seems like a great idea so can I join you please?

At the moment my biggest issue is probably anxiety with a bit of depression thrown in from time to time!

Today I am feeling very low after rowing with my DH and failing again to get pregnant again. I can't seem to pick myself up this month.

Can someone please explain 'penguin'?

Janey xxx

Welcome and hope you feel supported here.

Things that could be difficult for others to read about are 'penguined', this means that we type penguin as normal and then the difficult subject in white and put penguin at the end in normal print. that way you have to highlight it to read.

jobbingmusician

Hello Janey! (And hello everyone else - I have been reading, honest!)

Lots of love to all. Yes, work is a real pain ATM, for me too. I have spent hours and hours developing a bid which now is going to fall to pieces, and I have to present it tomorrow, which is a special day. Still, worse things happen at sea (says she with a glass of wine inside her).

Lovely lovely lovely to see WaS again - I was worried. Big hugs and squishes to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

elsien

ERs care workers have withdrawn the service because two of them can't manage him. But family are expected to do it on their own without any support. No surprises there then.

Pyxis

Hello Janey!

Sorry, I was out earlier, when you queried the penguin thing!

This might also be a bit helpful, as it explains more about where we're at.
It's what we call the Thread Etiquette, and it's just stuff that gradually evolved as we found out what might trigger people.

We pride ourselves on being very inclusive and non-judgemental. We are only human though, and sometimes unwitting slips get made!

Whatever you do, don't feel that you can't post about your problems, especially when you're having a crisis, in case you break a 'rule'. They aren't rules, just ways of trying to keep people safe! We'd rather you posted if you need help, without worrying about penguins until you're feeling better!

Do you know about our squishy fort? It's our safe haven and is full dogs and cats (non-allergenic ones!) and biscuits! :rotfl:

Pyxis wrote: »

(The thread etiquette will be reposted every ten or so pages.)
........:starmod:......................................................................:starmod:.....................
Here is the suggested THREAD ETIQUETTE. By following this etiquette, all posters, whether new or existing, will feel safe, unpressured and respected..

!!!But first...............please be assured..................................................................******It should be pointed out that if anyone is feeling very distressed or close to a crisis, they do not have to worry about what they are posting, or whether it is a penguin for someone else or not. (See below about penguins). In a crisis situation, just post! We wouldn't want anyone to feel that they couldn't ask for help in case it's a penguin! The penguin thing only applies to a general discussion situation.******


- This is a thread for support. We have discovered some good friends on here, but we promise always to welcome and include new people, and not to be cliquey.

- People may make suggestions to help each other, and might even ask if the suggestions were helpful or have been carried out, but we'll really try not to nag each other or put too much pressure on.

- The normal board rules about sexism, racism, homophobia etc. apply, but if we are careful we should be able to discuss almost anything without breaching board rules - so far we have discussed subjects ranging from child abuse to incontinence!

-If someone thinks that too much pressure is being applied, they can post the trigger word PENGUIN and flag up the fact that they believe there's a potential for someone feeling too nagged to do something. ANYONE could post PENGUIN if they felt there was a danger that suggestions were being enforced too much.

Similarly, if they want to discuss something that might be a trigger for some people, then posting PENGUIN would be a warning that what follows in the whiteout might be a trigger.


- So, if you think something might be a PENGUIN, please post something like the green bit which follows.

"Possible penguin about.........(Type of Trigger)" The trigger might be:- child abuse, marital abuse/violence, paranoia, stalkers, death, etc. (It's important to indicate the type of trigger, so that people can avoid reading it if they need to).

Then, when you post, repost the word PENGUIN above the discussion. Then post the penguiny bit in white! And the phrase END OF PENGUIN when you have finished.

It will look like this. You will be able to see the white text if you highlight it or if you quote it, (so please don't 'quote' a post containing a penguin onto the thread!)
(Harmless example follows here):-
PENGUIN

This is a penguin. A nasty, crotch biting penguin (CBP).
It isn't really! So you can look. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozGTv0hxhpc[/url]


END OF PENGUIN

(NB on a tenth-page repost of the etiquette, you can see these penguiny words because they are white against the green 'quote' background. On a normal post, they will be white against white, and so won't be seen on the thread.)

IMPORTANT: It has been ascertained that some posters to this thread have found that there are certain subjects which act as triggers, precipitating a worsening of their condition.
To protect these posters, you are respectfully requested NOT to discuss these subjects on this thread:-

Religion. (Please note: it is recognised that everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and we respect those beliefs. It is only because of the fact that religion does act as a trigger for some posters, that we exclude it from discussion.)
N.B. Please don't even mention the name of the religion.

The afterlife. The reason for this is explained in this thread by one poster, and there will be others for whom this is a trigger.

We ask and thank you for your co-operation in this matter.


.........:starmod:.....................................................................:starmod:................

!!!So, to reiterate..............******It should be pointed out that if anyone is feeling very distressed or close to a crisis, they do not have to worry about what they are posting, or whether it is a penguin for someone else or not. In a crisis situation, just post! We wouldn't want anyone to feel that they couldn't ask for help in case it's a penguin! The penguin thing only applies to a general discussion situation.******

- More suggestions please.............We stress that we are suggesting that we AGREE some Thread Etiquette to HELP people who might feel anxious about posting, we are not trying to IMPOSE rules, just relating this to facilitating groups, so that people feel safe and able to participate as fully as they can.

...............Thread Motto...............
Nos Omnes Ad Audiendum Parumper

elsien

How was your evening, Ono? I have to admit to being intrigued as to what it might have been.