Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Izadora

Calley - was the agreement with your lodger very informal or did you have something in place regarding how much notice either side had to give? It does seem bad that he's just upped and left, even if it ends up working out for the best.

I'm another one who has no idea what they want to be doing with their life, which is probably why I've had the same job for 15 years!
Earning more would be nice but I've got enough that I'm not struggling and I'm not willing to sacrifice the ability to leave my job behind the second I'm out of the office for the sake of money. I'm also not willing to sacrifice my current standard of living by taking a pretty hefty pay cut to do something I'd enjoy, which would give me a much better sense of satisfaction but would also be incredibly frustrating at times. Not that it's likely I'd even be able to get a job in that field anyway as they wouldn't employ me 20 odd years ago (over-qualified / under-experienced... Please tell me, how the f do you expect me to get experience when you won't employ me?) and they've done nothing but cut jobs since then.

Pyxis

tea_lover wrote: »

Yep - I know what sort of things I want from life and what is/isn't important to me (ie. enough money to pay the mortgage and not panic about turning on the heating, not bothered about 'stuff', some sense of doing something vaguely worthwhile etc)..... just not a clue what sort of work that actually translates into.

Yes. However, your previous post suggested that since you've been given a rise, the extra money would make it more difficult to give that job up, and hence more difficult to change direction and start again.
(Sorry, if that's not the case).
So I thought that by working out which things were important and which weren't, it might make it easier to decide whether to consider retraining or not.

I realise that not knowing what to retrain as, makes things hard.


Here's another thing............

Make a list of everything in life that excites you, and put it on the wall. Add to it as you think of more things.
Anything that excites you. Doesn't have to have anything to do with a job or a career etc.
Don't rush it, just jot things down as you think of them, without overanalysing them.
They can be tangible things, emotional things, physical objects, music, people, shops, tiny moments of joy or revelation, certain words, experiences, outings, absolutely anything that gives a little frisson of excitement when you thing of it.

After about a month, take down the list, and sort the things into categories.

When you've done that, (and you can resort things as you see fit), there might be a category that leaps out at you, due to having the most things in it, or because you keep getting drawn to it.

That might give you a clue as to which direction to point your life into. It may or may not give you a clue as to a new career, but it might help to crystallise thoughts.


You can redo this at any time, in case new exciting things have sprung to mind.

Pyxis

It sounds like everyone would like to be self-employed!

Easier said than done, and brings its own difficulties.

Having had the experience of polarised careers......... a very safe but incredibly boring Government job, and being self-employed with my own business........ I can see both sides.
For me, although technically the self-employed thing should have been a lot scarier, it suited me so much more, that that would be my choice another time. Much harder work, initially, from a time and effort point of view, but a lot more satisfying in the long run. I didn't make a massive amount of money, although I could have made a lot more, because of juggling family needs, (not just children, but elderly parent as well), but being self-employed meant that that juggling was a lot less stressful than if I had to keep asking a boss for time off.

However, I do still feel that, despite having had two very different careers, I have never really found my true 'vocation in life', and I never have known what I've really wanted to do, job-wise, but then, it's a very, very lucky person indeed who can say that!

tea_lover

Thanks Pyxis, some good advice as ever

The payrise thing was more that it kind of hammered home that this is my career now (not sure how I hadn't noticed that in the 10yrs previously!)

Very similar to code, I've been in some poor financial situations and really wouldn't want to go back to that. I could cope with a paycut to some extent, but there is only me paying the mortgage and feeding P cat so there's a minimum level. If I had a dream career and needed a pay cut to retrain I'd be fine with that - the problem is how on earth you work out what you want to do in life!?

I like the idea of your list, might well try that. Although not sure what kind of job I can come up with from "enjoys knitting, taking photos of a cat and eating biscuits"

Pyxis

tea_lover wrote: »

I like the idea of your list, might well try that. Although not sure what kind of job I can come up with from "enjoys knitting, taking photos of a cat and eating biscuits"

You could offer a personalised knitted cat portrait business!
Or knitted biscuits!


I know! Open a knitting cafe c-u-m cat photo portraits cafe! :j




Stupid censor! Deleting perfectly valid Latin words!

codemonkey

Cat sitting with a sideline of knitting cat jumpers?

Now what can I do with my hobbies of cuddling dogs, dressing up as Disney Villains, eating Pringles and sleeping?

Izadora

Pyxis wrote: »

I never have known what I've really wanted to do, job-wise, but then, it's a very, very lucky person indeed who can say that!

I think my biggest problem is that I did know what I wanted to do. From when I was 12 or 13 I had a fairly clear idea of the job I saw myself doing, based my work experience around it, volunteered during my school holidays and chose my dissertation subject around it. I then discovered, once I'd graduated, that I would've been better off leaving school at 16, taking an entry-level job and working my way up. I'll never regret going to college but the short-sightedness of not employing me because I had a degree, and was therefore clearly applying for the love of the job rather than a lack of qualifications, still really annoys me.

Pyxis

codemonkey wrote: »

Now what can I do with my hobbies of cuddling dogs, dressing up as Disney Villains, eating Pringles and sleeping?

Party entertainer?
Incorporating magic tricks with Pringles!


Sleeping........seriously, you could become a house sitter, and sleep/eat Pringles there to your heart's content.

I suppose you could dress up there as well!

calleyw

Izadora wrote: »

Calley - was the agreement with your lodger very informal or did you have something in place regarding how much notice either side had to give? It does seem bad that he's just upped and left, even if it ends up working out for the best.

It was very informal but he obvious has been planning it for a while. I had to sort out buildings and contents insurance last week and had to tell them I had a lodger. Never said a word about moving out.

I had no idea at all. I think he did not like stuff, like being asked not to park on the grass. Hardly my fault when he stays out until 9pm + and no parking.

I have no issue with him moving out but the back handed way it was done. Not here when I got back with a whishy washy note left. could not tell me to his face. I would have given him a min notice of a month if not longer if and when I wanted him to leave.

if he was not happy just looking at phoebe to check food and water, he should have said and I would have cut my staying away right back to over night.

I was not interested in his life. He is 47 years old and just whines how unfair life is. Oh really you stayed with and married someone who slept with everyone but you and you knew it. When she told him she was pregnant it could have been his or 3 others he stayed and is paying for a child he does not know is his. I could go on but he just has no idea. And lies he told me well, why tell them to me. I said it was ok to bring the little one back when he had access. But he would not tell me. just turn up with her. If action man had been here not sure how action collie would have reacted to a little one.

As I said I think its a bit of jealously and being lonely. As I am not here always and now have a bf, don't think he liked it. I told him from the start. You live your life and I will live mine. I am not here to keep you entertained. Told him to get hobbies etc. I am lonely was all I kept getting. Told him that he has to be ok with being lonely before he can have a relationship.

Izzy you are right it has worked out ok. As action man was saying he would feel guilty me getting rid of lodger so he could move in. not an issue now.

anyway my achy body is telling me I need some pain killers :rotfl:

yours

Calley x

onomatopoeia99

tea_lover wrote: »

If I had a dream career and needed a pay cut to retrain I'd be fine with that - the problem is how on earth you work out what you want to do in life!?

I think many people never do, or if they do can't make a living from it - I can think of examples of that from among my friends. I'm probably unusual in that I knew from when I was 12. I persuaded my parents to buy me a second hand Sinclair ZX81 for Christmas, taught myself to program it and writing programs became my hobby. After that, I wanted to be a programmer. Which I am. I know in this respect I'm lucky.

Event if if I wanted to I don't see how I could retrain. Three years of a new degree with fees and no income, then starting at graduate level again, all the time with a mortgage to pay.