Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

whitewing

I am physically tired today after exercising a lot yesterday. I am proud of myself. I did well in a session where everyone was fitter than me (I wasn't meant to be at it but got invited for the experience. I even took my book along as none of us imagined that I would last the whole afternoon. I did it!)

faerie, can you take footage with your mobile?

whitewing

Miss you WaS.

Hope millefleur is okay.

seven-day-weekend

Just checking in to say I am still lurking and to wish everyone well x

tea_lover

*waves* Thinking of you WaS xx

seven-day-weekend

I would like to ask peoples' advice on here about a relationship problem with long-standing friends. I will Penguin it in case it is a trigger for anyone. Your wise advice much appreciated in advance.

So, we have friends who we have known for thirty years, the man of the couple even longer, he was our lodger many years ago.

I noticed this week that I had 'lost; the friendship on FB of the woman (the man does not use FB). I assumed this was a mistake and sent her a friend request.

She sent me a reply, quite nasty, saying that we (me and my husband), no longer fir the criteria fior being their friends. The reasons she gave were : a) we did not invite them to our housewarming party, b) we arranged a visit but then said we couldn't make it and the reason was because they said they had friends round and we didn't want to meet their friends and C) we didn't stay to their wedding reception (about fifteen months ago.

I replied, apologising that we had hut them and offering explanations. a) the party - it really was just for people in the local area, we didn't invite anyone from miles away (they live 200 miles from us), and they were not singled out and ignored. I said I was sorry they were hurt by this and apologised. 2 ) the visit - I explained that actually, her reply to me when arranging it suggested that it was a bit of an inconvenience if we came because they had friends, and that is why we said we would come another time. Misunderstanding on both sides here.

3) - the wedding reception - here we were at fault, I told her the reason, which was that my hsuband was having anxiety problems, and had had them for weeks about the wedding, and whilst he managed the drive and the wedding, he could not manage the reception. I apologised and said I should have explained this sooner.

The worst thing is, her husband, who we have known for nearly forty years, has huge health problems and she says she is not going to update us any more on his health as we are not now friends. I told her \I thought this was unfair.

I finished by saying, it would be a shame to break upo the friendship after all this time, could she consider accepoting our apology and starting again? I again apologised for hurting them and admitted our fault about the wedding reception.

Now she has not replied to me, and we were thinking our next move would be to write a letter to the man explaining and saying that if he didn't want to be our friend, we would like to hear it from him personally.

Your thoughts?

whitewing

I would write to him personally (in case his wife hasn't told him about the FB conversations) but I wouldn't make ultimatums in any way, shape or form. I understand that you are very hurt and I would imagine that the stress of the health problems is making everything feel out of proportion in both sets of families.

I would just send occasional 'thinking of you' cards to them (not leaving missus out) - unconditional love. You may not get a response, you may get a nasty response, in which case leave it for a while longer. Just keep the door open for recontact at some stage, but try not to be further hurt if you get told things after everyone else knows.

(I hardly have friends so I am no expert at all, but those that I have had ebb and flow).

seven-day-weekend

Thanks whitewing, yes we were not going to issue ultimatums, I have put that wrongly, just more if he didn't want any more contact he needed to say so, otherwise we would still consider them our friends, and will keep in touch, by cards as you have suggested, and leave the door open for them to come back.

calleyw

Morning my Lovelies,

Hugs and squishes and handshakes all round.

Extra special hugs for WaS and MU who I am getting a tad worried about!!

Anyway both me and action man have come down with colds. So I am still at his. As he has not gone to work and I feel rough and don't fancy going home on 3 different buses!!! So today is is going to be both of us led on the sofa with action collie between us :rotfl:

The parade went well. I was so proud to see him marching in his uniform.

Anyway on saturday morning in bed, I was a bit upset and I did cry a little. He was so concerned that he had done something wrong. Which was far from it. I tried to tell him during the day but I knew I would get upset again. So in the end I text him to say that I thought I was too messed up to have another relationship let alone with someone who is so great. He replied saying that made him go all soppy.

7DW not sure what to say seems a bit strange to take umbrage at what she has. Wonder if its a way to get rid of you out her husbands life as she does not like from the start. Who knows. Nowt so queer as folk.

Everyone, I am in the fort feeling sorry for myself with this cold.

Everyone have a good a day as you can.

Yours

Calley x

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Thanks whitewing, yes we were not going to issue ultimatums, I have put that wrongly, just more if he didn't want any more contact he needed to say so, otherwise we would still consider them our friends, and will keep in touch, by cards as you have suggested, and leave the door open for them to come back.

If he's got serious health problems I wouldn't write to him as it could add to his stress. It is hard if you don't know the individuals so obviously you have the advantage there but my husband has health problems and getting a letter like that would just upset him. Do you have any mutual friends who could just keep you up to date?

onomatopoeia99

Hope you feel better soon Calley.

I managed to fall asleep immediately the alarm clock went off and didn't wake again until they played the national anthem at 7am for someone's birthday. Since that's the time I'm supposed to leave home for work, I ended up somewhat late as I hit the worst bit of rush hour.

Could quite easily go back to sleep now, I seem to be making an unending stream of cups of tea!