Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Torry_Quine

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Aw, how lovely, Torry! A good friend can make all the difference. Do you know where you are going to go for the day yet?

Its up to me! They are treating me to lunch but just spending time with them will be great.

Waves_and_Smiles

Exciting! I think I would choose the seaside, nothing makes me feel as calm as watching the sea. Have a wonderful time and please tell us all about it!

Torry_Quine

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Exciting! I think I would choose the seaside, nothing makes me feel as calm as watching the sea. Have a wonderful time and please tell us all about it!

I live near the coast and I do love watching the sea as you say its very calming. I'll let you know.

Waves_and_Smiles

Oooh, I am jealous. I am surrounded by concrete and live on a road that leads to a motorway so I am lucky if I see a tree, nevermind the sea. It is one of the worse places I could live for my sanity really, but someone on benefits doesn't get a lot of choice about where they live. I still dream of a little flat near the sea one day.

Torry_Quine

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Oooh, I am jealous. I am surrounded by concrete and live on a road that leads to a motorway so I am lucky if I see a tree, nevermind the sea. It is one of the worse places I could live for my sanity really, but someone on benefits doesn't get a lot of choice about where they live. I still dream of a little flat near the sea one day.

My home is minutes from the harbour where I see all the big boats for the oilfields and I love seeing all the names and the countries they come from. One of the things I love is sitting in a seaside cafe having a coffee and watching the world.

I hope you manage to move to your dream home one day.

Waves_and_Smiles

That sounds wonderful, Torry! Just the kind of place that I would love to live. I can stare at the sea and passing boats for hours, I find it so relaxing and it feels like all of my worries float away on the waves.

Pyxis

I did it! I said "yo no soy una tartuga!"

I decided that since the husband of the couple who own the hotel is Spanish, I would say it to him while he served our dinner. So I did! I knew he had a sense of humour!
It wasn't in context, unfortunately, but I said it to him before I explained what it was all about! :j Yey! Go me!

(He already thinks the British are mad! Methinks I just confirmed that!)


How are you getting on with your turtleing, Elsien?

X

Waves_and_Smiles

YAY! :T

Well done, Pyxis! Thyat was very brave to blurt it out without any context. You may now relax and enjoy the rest of your holiday now that the turtling has been accomplished. :rotfl:

Waves_and_Smiles

*Drops a pin* I heard that!

Everyone is quiet, hopefully having a great weekend! I shall now write a post long enough for all of us.

Poor WaSp went out to take some photo's for fun and became dizzy and fell over. He is back to the doctor's on Tuesday, this pill is clearly dropping his systolic blood pressure too much. I have now banned him from leaving the flat until Tuesday! He wants to forget the whole thing right now because before he started taking medication to lower the diastolic number he felt perfectly fine, it's only now they have started to treat it that it has made him feel unwell. I will nag him to go though because he can't have untreated high blood pressure.

As for me, I am having a few minutes at a time spells of derealisation which is making me even more incapable of doing things than usual. For example, I was getting milk out of the fridge earlier and I thought this is a dream, I felt the same disjointed feeling and thought I can change this to another dream, this isn't real. Sounds became echoey, everything became brighter and I felt as light as a feather. Hence I got stuck staring into the fridge, glued to the spot and totally confused. It has happened a few times over the last few days so doing anything involving boiling water or anything else that could burn or harm me is completely out without WaSp standing at my shoulder.

Anyone want to swap brains for a few days? I could do with a working one and I promise having mine will be interesting!

Also, on that note I got the breakdown of my ESA decision through the post. The 97 points I scored were mostly for my mental health problems- that I couldn't be trusted to find my way around familiar areas (getting out would be a start!), that I cannot reliably remember simple tasks, that I couldn't make myself understood verbally when meeting a stranger (I don't even meet strangers, nevermind talking to them! Eeek!), I can't cope with change or switching tasks which covers OCD, I have periods of disinhibited behaviour which would be unreasonable in any workplace which would be catatonic posturing and possibly hiding under a blanket, I can't cope with social situations without significant distress, I am unable to maintain personal safety, I have periods of unawareness of everyday hazards like boiling water or sharp objects and suffer with loss of consciousness and self-control during waking moments which describes the possible MPD switching, the catatonia episodes and posturing and derealisation.

It was a bit of a depressing read and makes me feel utterly useless but reassuringly relates to my mental health, memory problems and confusion rather than thinking I am too dangerous to join the human race! I scored highly on every mental health descriptor with five at maximum points which is really nothing to be proud of, with the added support group descriptor that I would be a danger to myself and others if I was made to work. Judging by the descriptors I got points on I am a danger if I get out of bed! :rotfl:

I am just describing it for anyone going through their own ESA claim to show what areas they look at when you fill in the form for mental health reasons, it's also for anyone who doesn't know about what ESA assessments cover, they are actually pretty thorough on the grounds of what could go wrong if you were working. Also, I wanted to show that the correct decision can be made. As you all know I get myself in a terrible state everytime and I know a lot of people do have problems with the assessments but sometimes they do get it right so try not to panic if you can help it and send as much supporting evidence as you can. Reading about how some people feel they have been given the wrong decision tends to terrify me even more but even though it makes me feel a bit pointless I agree with everything that was said. Those who agree with the findings don't tend to post on forums so I hope this is a little reassuring, I know when I am panicking over it I would love to a read a story where it all worked out fine.

So now I can finally put it to rest for 2 years, such a relief! What it did make me think about was the fact that other than for two quick hospital appointments I haven't left the flat since December last year. It's now nearly June! This is ridiculous and very bad for me, the longer I don't go out the more my anxiety and paranoia ramps up when I try. This means that I manage to trigger my psychosis and hallucinations before I even step out of the door. I need to work on this.

Flybaby

woo hoo - finally managed to log on......wifi not so good in Mexico!!! I have been dying to log on to tell WaS that I got to see Manatees - they were so cool. And then...............get this................... I managed to say "I am not a turtle" in Spanish to the sea turtle I was swimming with!!!!!! He was a Spanish/Mexican turtle, but I am not sure he understood me through my snorkel, but I was dead chuffed to have been able to say it. I also said it to the instructor afterwards when we were looking at a picture of me and a turtle - so I almost said it in context as well.


Will be back in UK at end of week and will try and put up turtle and manatee pictures. Big squishes for all - although they might be a bit soggy as I have been in the water more than I have on dry land for the last few weeks.