Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

whitewing

Thanks WaS - saved me a google.

jobbingmusician

Lovely to hear from you, Welly!


oh hwlp, I have a horrid computer from work while mine has windoze 10 installed (which would be easy except the remote server bit has to be tweaked as well). all the keys are in the wrong place! (This is actually excellent typing - you should see SOME of the rubbish I've sent today..)]


Special big hugs to WaSP from me and Mr JM. xxxxx

System

catching up on thread [Penguin for Faearie and WaS) (sex and boundaries])

I had a pretty bad period where when i was single, i went off the rails. I was so desperate for someone to want me that i had one night stands, because mistakenly i equated sex with people caring about me. But i used to feel so awful afterwards that i'd frequestly punish myself for feeling like that. Part of it was mania (lesser known symptom of that is hypersexuality), part of it was crushingly low self esteem. All i ever really wanted was to be loved, also i hated how i looked and somehow men sleeping with me made me feel wanted and like i wasnt the hideoues mess i saw myself as. It took a long long time to overcome those feelings. After everybreak up i ended up doing the same thing over and over, hating myself for it. But after i split up with my ex, i promised myself i wouldnt do it again. I had this realization that sex does not equate feelings. That sleeping around wouldn;t make someone fall in love with me. Obviously now i have Swain so i'm happy i wont ever go down that route again, but ive been there and it took a long time to come to terms with it. Personally i still feel ashamed by how many men ive slept with BUT i recognise i wasn;t well, and that yes i made bad choice back then but they don;t define me as the person i am now. I've never told anyone bar my psychitrist this but i was sexualy assualted when i was 15, it was a guy i met off the internet. I dont know if that has impacted my views on sex but happening at an early age it certainly did affect me. Maybe somehow i was punishing myself for being so stupid, i dont know. All i do know is its taken a long long time to have a healthy relationship towards sex. [/penguin]

Torry_Quine

Messed up Hugs. You are worth so much more than your past experiences.

System

WaS, i'm really sorry but I ended up not going to the seaside, I was skint and Swain couldnt afford to pay for both of us so I stayed home, I promise next time i'm at the seaside though I WILL get you a fridge magnet.

I'm so-so. PIP medical letter came today, I asked Swain if he could get it off work but he doesnt think he can plus if he has time off with being a temp contract he might not get kept on if he has time off. I'm going to ask my friend tomorrow if she might be able to go, otherwise i'm going alone. I'm scared shitless but it needs to be done. I'm already feeling panicky about it, I can forsee full blown panic attack waiting for it.

whitewing

MU,

You're lovely.

Would Swain's mum be able to go with you or is it too personal?

Pyxis

When's the appointment for, MessedUp?

Good Luck with it.

Remember to write everything down first, and take that with you. :A



Well, we missed out in the flamenco yesterday.

Today, the Romeria was cancelled as it was torrential rain showers, and one hail storm.
Very annoyingly, it's been dry and sunny all afternoon.:(

So the two main Spanishy things on our agenda both failed to materialise.
The food hasn't been very good either.
The only meal I've really enjoyed was yesterday in Aracena. We had lunch there, and I had a lovely meal of freshly cooked tuna steak with roasted vegetables. There wasn't time to have a pud as we had to get the coach back.

Good job the singing's been good.
I've felt a bit better today, not 100% at all! but better, though have this catching cough now.

Oh well! You can't win 'em all! :rotfl:

I've picked up a few words of Spanish. And am getting incredibly good at miming! Marcel Marceau, eat your heart out!
OMG! I keep forgetting to say yo no soy una tartuga!
Remember, Pyxis, Remember!

X

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, big hugs, MU. I understand exactly how you feel. I am so sorry that you have been through what you have but thank you for sharing. It helps me to know I am not alone even though I wish you hadn't been through similar things.

I hope that you can find someone to go with you to the PIP medical. If not all of us will be with you!

Hope you have had a good day today, Pyxis! I am glad that the singing was good at least. Think turtles!

Torry_Quine

A friend of mine knows my struggles and is going to take me out for the day next month when they have time off. Its good to have someone who cares.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, how lovely, Torry! A good friend can make all the difference. Do you know where you are going to go for the day yet?