Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

whitewing

You are all fantastic.

I am coughing so much that I cannot sleep. I am trying not to be grumpy.

calleyw

Morning Campers,

Massive hugs to (((((Was))))) I am so sadden that this has happened to you. But you are amazing. You keep going no matter how tough it is.

Yes I know I am up early went for walk at just after 6am. Don't ask no idea :rotfl:

Right I am going to be off out and about for the rest of the day. So I will catch you all later.

I will be in the duvet fort in spirit where I will be handing out hugs, squishes and handshakes. And you won't be getting in unless you take one.

Everyone have a good day, take care and remember be kind to yourself. As you are all fab, wonderful, amazing people.

yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

There is no rush, Torry, you can share as much as you are comfortable with, no pressure at all here.

Hope your cough gets better, whitewing!

Have a lovely day, Calley!

I have a 3rd water cyst! Argh! I am now wondering if I should talk to my GP about them before they take over!

Lambyr

Hey all,

Thank you for the kind words, Torry and WaS.

The things you've been through WaS are awful. I can't relate to all of it, but I do understand some things about what you said. I commend your honesty.

Hope the coughing's stopped whitewing, and hope you've had a good day day calley.

seven-day-weekend

You are all incredibly brave, and open and honest. There is no way I could share certain aspects of my past with ANYONE (not abuse, I had wonderful loving adoptive parents).

I can honestly say that I know when my 'real' life started, it was when I was 21 and met my darling husband. Here was a soulmate, here was someone who made my heart beat, here was someone who made me laugh, here was someone who was always going to be by my side (I knew straight away that this was going to be a lifelong relationship).

We got married after four months and together we started a journey during which we both came to a Christian faith, had our son, went to University and now we are still journeying together after nearly 45 years. At this precise moment we are in North Wales in our caravan.

Corny I know, but true.

I don't want to go into why my life was not 'real' before, suffice it to say I bent myself out of shape trying to please.

faerielight

Penguin to Waves.. a very brave and courageous person:


Thank you so much for your honesty.. You have no idea how much you have touched my heart I am crying.. I feel so sad for the child that you were with such an evil mother.. I totally get how you would associated cleanliness with abuse.. It suck so bad that they make is have these awful trauma memories/ flashbacks associated with everyday stuff..TBH, I only have a couple of showers a week too

I honestly have never ever, in my 45 years, ever talked to soeone who's abuser was their mothers. And I am truly greatful for your honesty.. I totally relate to your posts to me..As you know, I was forced to sleep in my mother's bed until I was 18.. I think it is the ultimate betrayal, and from what I've read, mothers can be especially sadistic with the types of SA, often more than males who abuse.My mother was very violent with the abuse, I was so scared of her.. I'm not sure what your age, but in the 70's and 80's, sexual abuse wasn't talked about, and I never heard of female abusers in the news until the last few years.. I kept that secret locked away, and when I was 19 and I first met my (female) best friend, she pressure me to go on holiday with my mum, because she owned a flat in Spain, and it was going to be cheap holiday.. My mum got drunk as per usual, and grabbed my friend's breasts and tried to snog her, telling her she had sexy breasts.. We were both mortified, and the secret was finally out..

When we got back to UK, I told my friend what my mother had done, and she totally believed me, after the sexual assault off my mum.. I was so ashamed, .. but it was the best thing really, as I fell apart and was driven to get my fist bout of therapy, and it was like the box that I had locked tight with the secret was open . I have never talked to anyone again, friend wise, about the details of my abuse, other than therapists and MH workers.. My best male friend took me out for lunch a couple of weeks ago, and told me that in the 26 years we've been friends, I have never told him the details of what I went through... Some things are so hard to say, aren't they.

The prostitution time of my life was horrendous, but I can relate to what you wrote.. When your innocence has been stolen from you for a prolonged period of time as a child, it is so hard to say no, and so easy to float out of your body.. like you say, on the ceiling.. it was the only way our child minds and bodies could survive, and old patterns die hard.. I find it so devastating, and also ironic that I had come full circle with my last boyfriend , to enjoy loving sex, for the 1st time in my life, and then to have my nerves damaged 5 years ago, and have no sexual feelings at all.. It is so devastating, because it brings up the whole of sexual history.. the girl who's mum molested her and the girl who sold sex, is the girl who is permanently numb from the waist down. I wasn't ready to give loving sex up, but I'm here, it's real and I have to somehow come to terms with it, and the implications of any future relationships, and also deal with the stuff about the abuse from my mother, and the prostitution trauma too.

The mother pain is a pain that I feel every day of my life.. it is the pain that never healed, and it's the one thing I feel jealous of.. I know now that I will never got the "sorry" that my soul needs,she will never change.But I hope that one day, I can let it all go.


I am so grateful that you have shared your story in the most unlikely place on the internet, and I'm so, so sorry that your mother put you through such harrowing trauma..[/COLOR Penguin end I think you are amazing, wise, brave and I feel honoured to be your MSE friend x

Tory.. if or when you do.. we will be here for you.. and that's a promise x

whitewing

Faerie, you are amazing too.

I find a lot of my actual sexual stimulation is in the mind, so perhaps when your mind is less tangled, you will be able to find some alternative ways of pleasuring. Never had a nipplegasm myself.

jobbingmusician

faerielight wrote: »

I think you are amazing, wise, brave and I feel honoured to be your MSE friend x

YES! GREAT QUOTE! Very true of WaS - and also true of many other people on this thread. Thank you all for being such an amazing lot xxxxxx

faerielight

Whitewing.. I do wonder if some of the numbness is due to the psychological trauma of the bowel per/sepsis/colostomy combo.. maybe when I've dealt with it a lot more, some feeling may come back.. I did try a lot and nothing happened, but I've not had a partner since the ordeal..The body and mind are connected so it wouldn't surprise me, and no dr seems to be able to tell me what is going on. I really don't want to write off sex and relationships at 45 I'm keeping my fingers crossed .. Thanks for your reply WW, and thank all of you.. you're all awesome too!]
On a different note.. I won another FB compo today! I'm on a roll with FB comps! x

onomatopoeia99

WaS and faerie, you're both so brave in sharing what you have, in living with it, everything, I don't know what to say other than to echo everyone else, you're both amazing.