Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Pyxis

Bluebell, I ve been thinking.....

Further to what Izadora said, I was wondering if doing everything yourself is the way to go, particularly if you end up exhausted and in pain.

If you try to do everything, the others will assuming you're coping, even if you tell them you're not. What might strike home more is if some things don't get done, and then they might take you seriously.

So have a think about what you can achieve in a day without causing yourself pain, and leaving yourself some energy for things you want to do.

You may be their wife and mother, but they are adults, so you don't have to spoon feed them. If you can't do their ironing, because it causes pain, don't do it. Similarly other chores.
Similarly with cooking. If you're too tired to cook, say so, and don't; make a sandwich instead. Or better still, ask them to make some sandwiches.
If they don't like it, tough. You're not well, and you are not their slave.

It might be hard at first, especially if they start arguing, but try just to repeat, calmly, that you're in pain and need to rest. You don't need to say any more than that, but just repeat that.

If they are happy with the status quo, they won't change. But you can change the status quo!

.

whitewing

Great suggestions from pyxis.

Also, if they are being nasty, just say calmly 'I do not deserve to be spoken to like that'. (It's better than ordering them not to because that just provokes further abuse).

Let us know what they actually say to you and we'll give you some stock replies of how to acknowledge their comments. (We've had practise!)

Pyxis

Whitewing! You're on fire with this empathy lark! :):)

Bluebell68

Pyxis wrote: »

What has he said when you tell him how unhappy you are?

What would you like to happen? Would you like your relationship to continue, or do you want it to end and you separate?[/QUOT


honestly I don't no

xx

Bluebell68

Pyxis wrote: »

Bluebell, I ve been thinking.....

Further to what Izadora said, I was wondering if doing everything yourself is the way to go, particularly if you end up exhausted and in pain.

If you try to do everything, the others will assuming you're coping, even if you tell them you're not. What might strike home more is if some things don't get done, and then they might take you seriously.

So have a think about what you can achieve in a day without causing yourself pain, and leaving yourself some energy for things you want to do.

You may be their wife and mother, but they are adults, so you don't have to spoon feed them. If you can't do their ironing, because it causes pain, don't do it. Similarly other chores.
Similarly with cooking. If you're too tired to cook, say so, and don't; make a sandwich instead. Or better still, ask them to make some sandwiches.
If they don't like it, tough. You're not well, and you are not their slave.

It might be hard at first, especially if they start arguing, but try just to repeat, calmly, that you're in pain and need to rest. You don't need to say any more than that, but just repeat that.

If they are happy with the status quo, they won't change. But you can change the status quo!

.

so many thank s for this
xxxxxxxx

System

Still heard nothing about PIP or whether they got the evidence i sent them (think a phone call is needed tomorrow, despite the anxiety i have over phone calls)

Sorry for the absence, it was Swain's birthday yesterday, he loved his presents and the best was from his mum. Years ago he had a huge knitted pig (called Big Pig) but when he split up with his ex, she took it. For 2 years he's tried to find the pattern so his mum (whos a seamstress) could make another. Well...she found the pattern! And for the past few weeks has secretly been knitting him a new big pig! He was so happy when he got it yesterday, even had a tear in his eye

We're off to the seaside on sunday! (And WaS i'm going to find and send you a fridge magnet, i know you can;t get to the seaside yourself so i figure you can still have a memento! I'll be thinking of you all )

Torry_Quine

have a lovely time at the seeside on Sunday, hope the weather is kind. Pouring rain here today

elsien

Thursday night is training night.
Tonight there are lots of new dogs and I've done very little practice because I'm knackered. We expect the worst.
Gitdog tuts at my lack of faith, ramps up the concentration and performs beautifully - he even manages the send to bed he has been failing miserably at for weeks.
We have therefore requested that tonight's session be filmed and used as evidence for his next assessment. On the grounds that he's just blown 6 months worth of good behaviour in one go.

Pyxis

Told you it was commands in Mandarin he needed!

He just doesn't speak English well yet! :rotfl:

codemonkey

Gitdog is such a character.

Apologies for the absence. I'm having...problems, I think is the right word, dealing with issues arising from a friendship. Penguining not because there is a penguin, but because I feel awkward about it all

I've known her for years but recently she's changed a lot. Without being able to go into details she's been obsessed with being a 'yummy mummy' from a particular area. And while that's ok and slightly amusing in a 2006 her would be appalled kind of way, they're destroying themselves financially to remain in that area and keep up with the other richer mummies. But again, their circus, their monkeys. Or so I thought. Recently she's decided the answer to all her problems lies in MLM sales. I think I mentioned before about how uncomfortable it makes me as I feel I should buy stuff from her to support her, even though I don't want or need it and hate the entire pyramid schemeness of it all. It's like she's joined a cult - iis almost all she talks about. She's been doing it for a few months and it just seems to be getting worse and worse as they suck her further and further in. I met her for lunch a couple of weeks ago and afterwards I realised that she didn't ask about me once, even though she knew I'd been ill.

We were supposed to meet up this weekend and she cancelled on me saying she had a horrible cold. Didn't stop her posting multiple selfies on her 'buy all this crap from me so I don't go broke' page or posting photos of herself at something else.

I don't really know what to do here. We've been friends for a long time and been through a lot together and I haven't always been the best friend, or even a very good one at times. I guess I'm hoping that this MLM crap will end soon before she destroys all the relationships with her friends and family. And I miss my friend.