Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

faerielight

aww thanks, Survey I'm so grateful to all of you here for being so patient and tolerant of me .. you have all shown such kindness to me and my prolonged state of crisis, despite all your struggles x

System

Amazing news WaS!!! So happy for you! I know it was stressing you out a lot but its not something you have to worry about now

Faerie i'm so happy to hear you had a good experience at the bpd center today! Sounds like a good place and that it will be of some help to you! Well done for having the courage to go in the first place!

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Need a bit of advice, can anyone suggest how i can tell my GP i feel i need more support specifically being referred back to CMHT? I'm scared to ask as last time they only referred me as i'd attempted suicide and i obviously dont want to be going down that route again Just really struggling right now and feel i need some extra support. Work gave me a freephone helpline number, apparently they deal with all personal issues and not just work stuff, and its anonymous. I'm going to ring them tomorrow. Sorry to bring the thread down when everyone got happy news I read i can self refer to CMHT but the website doesn;t say how to do that? To say ive been diagnosed with bipolar for 6 years im embarrassed to say that apart from meds i dont know what other help would be useful to me? Would CBT help? Or counselling? I can't remember much from my days of having my cpn, apart from lists, she loved making me make lists...

Waves_and_Smiles

That is wonderful news Faerie! Your centre sounds like the one I was at, they had a sensory room too and I had decorated the place with Plasticine animals by the time I left. Take it slowly and ease yourself into the community, I did very little for the first month but eventually I found being part of the community really helped me and I looked forward to seeing everyone and made some good friends which is an important part of the healing process. You are going to do great.

MU, to self refer to CMHT call them, they should give you an appointment within 14 days. It doesn't matter if you aren't sure what help you need, you can discuss that when you see them, just say you feel as if you are struggling and have a mental health history. I am sorry to hear things are hard right now, hang in there it will get better. Big hugs.

Waves_and_Smiles

I am currently an emotional wreck. I had an anxiety attack last night, went to bed and had awful nightmares which were keeping WaSp awake so I got up. I feel in a total panic. I am pretty sure this is because I have been fighting to stay calm for the last 4 months over the form and now I have taken the walls down I am allowing myself to feel it, this happened after I was given DLA too.

There is panic that 2 years will go by really fast, I am worrying over the next form already! Plus I started worrying about why I am declared dangerous to myself and others. Now, the decision maker did explain this and said it meant in a work situation my attempts to complete tasks could put myself and others in danger. I do see this with my memory problems, my urge to suddenly to make a catatonic pose, hiding under a blanket, etc. It is a H&S nightmare. But the voices and the part of me that hates myself are whispering it is because I am schizophrenic and a lot of people see schizophrenics as knife wielding maniacs who hurt people.

Plus there are the all of the mixed feelings about being granted ESA. Obviously there is huge relief because I can afford to eat! On the other hand it is agreed that I can't even manage preparing for work which makes me feel like a waste of space. I agree with everything the decision maker said but it's one thing to believe oneself isn't capable of working and another to be told by someone who is responsible for making these decisions that no, you really can't do anything and you shouldn't. Does this make sense? I feel a bit useless and pointless.

I will hopefully calm down soon, I have thought of nothing but the ESA form for months now and it is hard to finally switch off from the worry. Of course, the next thing will be the transfer to PIP but I am not even thinking about that yet! I just need to relax and forget ESA assessments exist until 27th April 2018. He even gave me the exact date that it would be reviewed to try to stop me worrying. Everyone shout at me to let it goooooo!

seven-day-weekend

WaS, I think it is just as you say, the stress of the waiting for the ESA decision has disappeared and so now your mind/body decides it is now safe to let go.

I also think that once the anxiety goes (and it will), then you will stop thinking the intrusive thoughts about being useless etc. You are far from useless! Look how you help and inspire people here on this forum for example.

Take no notice of the nasty voices, they are liars trying to pull you down. Instead, have faith in your own innate good sense, which agrees with the decision maker.

They have made the right decision. You know this. Not because you are useless, but because you are too ill to work at the moment. Listen to THAT voice, not the nasty ones.

LET IT GO!!!!!

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you SDW. Your words do help. I hope your husband is feeling a little better.

It's odd because I always react like this to disability forms. I keep the panic inside and then when it's over I release it and feel even worse. Being given benefit is always a two-edged sword for me. On the one hand it is a huge relief because I can afford to live. On the other being placed in the support group isn't actually a good thing at all. It says both the medical centre, my GP and the decision maker agree that I cannot even attempt to plan for work right now because I am too unwell. I do know that is true but it's kind of hard to be told it officially.

What also shocked me was that to get into the WRAG (work related activity group) you need 15 points, I was assessed at 97 points! There wasn't any doubt at all that I cannot work and somehow that makes me feel sad and a bit of a write-off. I was really, really happy when I was working, I was one of those annoying people who walked in with a smile on my face every morning. I do miss it.

Waves_and_Smiles

In other news this is the best news headline I have read for a long time-

Britain Set To Be Colder Than Russia This Weekend As Temperatures Plunge

I feel guilty for being glad because I know lots of people love hot weather but for me this is wonderful. It is a few degrees cooler today and I feel far less shaky and the cramps have stopped. I need my own personal little winter cloud above my flat.

Pyxis

But you are working! Your job is on here, helping everyone, and helping your friends, and now the voluntary online thing you're doing!

Just 'cos you don't get a salary doesn't make it any less valid a job! We're too wrapped up in material reward and gain in this society!

You've helped me a lot :A even when you haven't been feeling well yourself, so many thanks for that!



As for the danger to others/yourself thing.......... It's nothing to do with being a knife-wielding maniac; if they thought that, you wouldn't be living independently! You'd be under armed guard! Are there any armoured police with sub-machine guns standing watch outside your flat? It's because of things like when you boil a kettle and pour the water on your hand instead of into the cup, or go to get something out of the oven without an oven glove.

Re. the next assessment; I'm sure you have done so, but make sure you keep a copy of the forms you filled in, so in 2 years' time, it'll be easy to fill in. In those two years, if anything alters, for better or worse, make a note and add that to the file, so you won't have to wrack your brains for incidents and dates, etc.
In fact, it'd be a good idea to print out all your posts over the last few months about your fears about filling in the forms, and the replies to them, and keep that in the same file, so that in two years time, if you're scared again, you can read them and see that your fears are groundless.
Also, keep a note of the two people at the ESA place who helped you a lot, and their contact numbers, if you have them, then you have a point of contact if there are more delays next time. (Ok, they might have moved on to other jobs, but it'd be a starting point for you to try).


To be honest, if you need 15 points to be realistically assessed for work, and you scored 97, I don't think you need to worry about 2018! I realise that's a double-edged sword though. But please don't think you're useless, because you help people on here and elsewhere so much. Not just us, either, even health professionals! Even top psychiatrists!

seven-day-weekend

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Aw, thank you SDW. Your words do help. I hope your husband is feeling a little better.

It's odd because I always react like this to disability forms. I keep the panic inside and then when it's over I release it and feel even worse. Being given benefit is always a two-edged sword for me. On the one hand it is a huge relief because I can afford to live. On the other being placed in the support group isn't actually a good thing at all. It says both the medical centre, GP and the decision maker agree that I cannot even attempt to plan for work right now because I am too unwell. I do know that is true but it's kind of hard to be told it officially.

What also shocked me was that to get into the WRAG (work related activity group) you need 15 points, I was assessed at 97 points! There wasn't any doubt at all that I cannot work and somehow that makes me sad and a bit of a write-off. I was really, really happy when I was working, I was one of those annoying people who walked in with a smile on my face every morning. I do miss it.

My husband's mental health is very up and down and unpredictable. He can be fine (well fine for him)and then hear something on the news or read something on Facebook and it makes him so irrationally angry, and then after the anger he gets morose . I keep telling him he must try to ignore peoples' political beliefs, in a free country they are as entitled to hold them as he is to hold his. He of course just sees this is as me being all wet and liberal, and not seeing the absolute importance of the thing that he can.

Then he goes into what I call 'Armageddon' mode, coupled with hating all his FB friends who have expressed an opinion he sees as totally wrong.

Many a time I have had to tell him not to reply to the FB comments in anger as he will regret it later. I'm glad to say he does listen to me on this. If he is not too deep into the moroseness, he can see that he needs to avoid FB and tv news until he can cope with it.

At the moment he can get on with gardening, which he finds relaxing. He has a large garden to tame in the bungalow we moved into last year, and a small pretty one to tweak at our holiday caravan which we bought in January. This and his painting really help to calm him, although if he is in a morose state, he can't always see the point and I have to encourage him to do them anyway.

I haven't seen him yet this morning, so don't know how he is today. He's always better in the sunshine though

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

In other news this is the best news headline I have read for a long time-

Britain Set To Be Colder Than Russia This Weekend As Temperatures Plunge

I need my own personal little winter cloud above my flat.

There you go!