Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

dandy-candy

Iza I think you need to sit your parents down and let him know that they're not a burden and should always tell you asap if one of them is unwell or acting odd. Being stoic when they don't know what is wrong is never a good thing.

Stoke you are overthinking the ex (as I have done over many things, I've been called a broken record before!) and I would maybe give tinder a miss if you don't feel you will be at your best. Besides football is there anything else you've ever fancied trying? Rock climbing? Shooting? Something that gets you out and active can be great at distracting you, and giving you a new focus.

Izadora

dandy-candy wrote: »

Iza I think you need to sit your parents down and let him know that they're not a burden and should always tell you asap if one of them is unwell or acting odd. Being stoic when they don't know what is wrong is never a good thing.

I went round to theirs last night and stressed that they're to call me if there are any problems or if there's anything I can do but mum's still acting as though there's not really anything wrong (she seems to think that the only issue is the fact that my dad keeps telling her that there's something wrong with her...) and my dad is Olympic level at burying his head in the sand and seems to think that she's just going to snap out of it and everything will go back to normal. Obviously I hope that's going to be the case but I'm trying to make him see that he can't carry on just putting things on hold until they find out what's wrong with her.

I'm trying to get my dad to take mum back to the doctor or to A&E but he seems to be intent on waiting until she's had the blood tests the doctor ordered, even though she's got to wait over a week for the first available appointment and then it'll be another 10 days to get the results, and I really don't know how to force him into doing something.

IzHe and I are going to go over there at the weekend and I'll try to get some cleaning done - mum's always done it all and I don't know if she's currently incapable or just doesn't care but things weren't looking good yesterday - and cook them something nice for dinner. Dad's repertoire doesn't extend much past jacket potato or oven chips so I'll have a rummage through the freezer and see if I can find things that would be easy enough to do. My dad's quite methodical so, as long as I give him a fairly detailed recipe, I'm sure he'd be capable of putting dinners together easily enough.
Failing that I'll do a load of batch cooking and fill the freezer for them.

Stoke

Izadora wrote: »

Stoke, thank you. I had no idea that vascular dementia could cause her face to do that and it's something which would make sense.

The doctor was asking questions which suggest he was checking for dementia and talking to her is similar to how my auntie was when she was first diagnosed with dementia.

Ono, I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

Getting old sucks.

So trying to remember back, the doctor said the vascular dementia is essentially the root cause of 'very mini' strokes which cause the face droop, but are unlikely to change the behaviour significantly. After all, the change of behaviour is being caused by the dementia itself which I think is the lack of blood(?) circulation with the brain. I don't remember noticing a huge difference in her behaviour after the face drooping, if I'm honest. I don't remember a huge change at all until the end when the dementia destroyed her from being a cognisant individual, to someone essentially bed-ridden within the space of just a few weeks. Was a very rapid decline in the end.

Getting a diagnosis for dementia can be hard though and the biggest change in her behaviour came BEFORE her diagnosis because of some bad decisions by her doctor (imo). I suggest reading up a little on Alzheimer's/dementia, it's a very complex condition.

dekaspace

I had a terrible Monday, and tolerable but stressful weekend. Came back Friday from parents to screaming kids and multiple people being rowdy in flat, being polite I just tolerated it but had it all day Monday and went to bed just before midnight but didn't get to sleep till around 5.30am due to them having a large gathering/party that went on to at least 2am and then it became in seperate rooms (I believe she had family over from Poland for her birthday which was around this time last year when she kept me awake to 5am then too) and I think people were sleeping in kitchen, in hall etc.

Still been weak since beginning of December think its tablet related or time of year or both.

dandy-candy

Izadora wrote: »

I'm trying to get my dad to take mum back to the doctor or to A&E but he seems to be intent on waiting until she's had the blood tests the doctor ordered, even though she's got to wait over a week for the first available appointment and then it'll be another 10 days to get the results, and I really don't know how to force him into doing something.

Do you think it’s worth calling nhs direct and talking to them? They might decide to send a medic to assass her at home?

Izadora

dandy-candy wrote: »

Do you think it’s worth calling nhs direct and talking to them? They might decide to send a medic to assass her at home?

Thank you, I wouldn't have thought of that. If I can't get my dad to try to hurry things along (he's never knowingly done anything quickly in his life...) I'll give that a go.

Pyxis

Hi, Stoke!

Just wondering how you are doing?

Stoke

Pyxis wrote: »

Hi, Stoke!

Just wondering how you are doing?

I'm still trying to lift myself. One day at a time. I am now looking for small wins, rather than assuming everything is totally !!!! in life. It does help. Small wins can add together to be a bigger one. Whereas constantly focussing on negatives hasn't helped me recently. What will be will be, I can only deal with that when it comes to it.

Pyxis

That sounds like a good plan!

It is the small things that can lift you, like a brief chat with a stranger in a queue or shop.

I quite like making sure I give people a smile, when I'm out and about....... in context, I mean, not in a creepy way! Lol! Then even if I feel carp when I get home, at least I've had a bit of respite from it!

Apparently, even pretending you are happy, and pretending to smile, etc. releases a few endorphins, (research has shown this), so acting for an Oscar does have benefits!

Izadora

Stoke, I hope that the small happies are adding up and things are seeming a bit brighter.

I suggested NHS Direct to my Dad and he called them yesterday. Their advice was to get a second opinion so he took mum to a different doctor today and he doesn't seem to think that she's had a stroke so is treating her for Bell's Palsy. He doesn't know what's causing the mental state so has left that in the hands of the other doctor and dad's to take her back in two weeks.

It's worrying that they still don't know what's wrong with her but hopefully they'll be able to get to the bottom of it soon enough and I can have my lovely mum back.