Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Stoke

Pyxis wrote: »

That sounds like a good plan!

It is the small things that can lift you, like a brief chat with a stranger in a queue or shop.

I quite like making sure I give people a smile, when I'm out and about....... in context, I mean, not in a creepy way! Lol! Then even if I feel carp when I get home, at least I've had a bit of respite from it!

Apparently, even pretending you are happy, and pretending to smile, etc. releases a few endorphins, (research has shown this), so acting for an Oscar does have benefits!

Well, I put in an Oscar winning performance today.... for all the wrong reasons.

I've had a really mad few days. I felt great last week, things were looking up and I had even forgotten about my ex moving in and was just focussing on positives and small wins. It all came crashing down very hard on Sunday, Monday wasn't good and last night I felt absolutely insane. Possibly even worse than before. Monday I was back to feeling on the edge suicidal, and today I've made it worse by walking into my regular doctors appointment and telling them I'm absolutely fine because I'm scared of anti's, which I know I'm not fine at all.

I am still trying to look for small wins and coping mechanisms, but my word something has to change. I am speaking to work and trying to see if I can move away for a while and do some on-site work. I think this would help.

Pyxis

Stoke, I think that the thing to hang on to is to remember that you have had a good few days, so the black gloom isn't permanent and you can get relief from it, even if the relief is only temporary at present.

I didn't quite understand what you were scared of at the doctor's.
Would it help if you wrote the doc a letter and told them what you've said here? It might help the doc a lot.

Does your doctor operate a telephone consultation? If so, that's another way in which you could explain what happened today at the surgery, and how you have really been.

I have found that service to be very useful.

calleyw

Stoke,


Have you use the Samaritans service?


This goes for anyone reading this thread who think that they are on the edge please call them 116 123. its free and 24 h/365 days a year. They wont solve your problems but they are there to listen to you. And some times in your darkest hours just having someone listen to you and show they care is all you need.


Yours


Calley x

Stoke

Pyxis wrote: »

Stoke, I think that the thing to hang on to is to remember that you have had a good few days, so the black gloom isn't permanent and you can get relief from it, even if the relief is only temporary at present.

I didn't quite understand what you were scared of at the doctor's.
Would it help if you wrote the doc a letter and told them what you've said here? It might help the doc a lot.

Does your doctor operate a telephone consultation? If so, that's another way in which you could explain what happened today at the surgery, and how you have really been.

I have found that service to be very useful.

I don't want to go onto anti-depressants. I don't believe they're me. I've never been like that.

I was the happiest I've ever been when I was 20 stone. I'm now in the best shape of my life and I should be happy, yet I'm not. I continue to refuse anti's though. I am starting to wonder whether I'll have to let it go though.

heartbreak_star

What antidepressants have you tried in the past?

I've always seen it as medicating an imbalance - I have hypothyroidism, so I take thyroxine. I have depression, I need antidepressants sometimes.

I'm only able to take Fluoxetine due to past history of eating disorders, so it's a good job I respond well to it. However, it took trying five of six with my ex for him to find one that worked for him.

HBS x

dekaspace

I kept off posting due to the problems other posters have recently, I have some good news which people saw me on other threads talk about and a update on my situation, I have been offered a part time job 5 minutes away from me, worried about UC though.


The tablets are still giving me really uncomfortable dreams, and somewhat obsessive behaviour which I explain as rather than before having multiple things going around in head at once, I have around the same but a little slower and one sticks in my head and I do it, even i its midnight at night or 2am, like one night I was kept awake to 5am by neighbours and had the random thought of rearranging furniture so spent 3 hours doing it and in the end still couldn't sleep, then doing diy with plenty of screw ups and still wanting to continue, of course this means I can watch tv a bit better and for first time in life use tablet more than a few minutes a year as have started using it to read in bed but im worried.


Dr said cut down dose and if I still feel this way get CBT.

Stoke

heartbreak_star wrote: »

What antidepressants have you tried in the past?

I've always seen it as medicating an imbalance - I have hypothyroidism, so I take thyroxine. I have depression, I need antidepressants sometimes.

I'm only able to take Fluoxetine due to past history of eating disorders, so it's a good job I respond well to it. However, it took trying five of six with my ex for him to find one that worked for him.

HBS x

Not tried. I've had some utterly weird mood swings today and now I'm still awake. I need to get my moods under control.

elsien

Stoke wrote: »

I don't want to go onto anti-depressants. I don't believe they're me. I've never been like that.

I was the happiest I've ever been when I was 20 stone. I'm now in the best shape of my life and I should be happy, yet I'm not. I continue to refuse anti's though. I am starting to wonder whether I'll have to let it go though.

I understand that feeling, I resisted anti-d for some time when I had depression. I don't take pills and I was scared they'd be psychologically addictive and I'd be on them for ever.
In the end I reluctantly agreed to give them a go and they gave me the time and space to address the underlying issues after which I stopped taking them.
I think my situation was different to yours, a reaction to a series of events rather than clinical depression, I just wanted to put it out there that it's not always a case of here's the pills now off you go. Having said that, the GPs idea of short term turned into about 2 years but for me they were a one off.

Stoke

I've tried to approach today more positively.... it's not always easy. I had very little sleep last night, but I'm trying to get myself back to that place I was in last week.

surveyqueenuk

Breathing exercises? MU, you have been abso-sodding-lutely ravaged by a mood disorder and she recommends breathing exercises????

What next? Me-time and a bath with a stinking candle? A spa day?Good lord, that sounds outrageous. It really does. Sounds like she knows nothing. Absolutely nothing. Most atypical APs are licensed for use as mood stabilisers these days, quet and olanz included. I spent years on olanzapine for BP2.

MU, do you have the strength in you to not let this lie? Nobody would judge if not but if you feel able to, please consider taking this further. Imagine someone who was really on the edge going in to see her, someone who'd been [penguin] pricing up rope on the B&Q website at 3am that morning [end]. Goodness me...

Stoke Please don't discount anti ds, they can be incredibly beneficial. You might feel like you're at the bottom of a 20ft deep well with no way of climbing out, well ads are like a rope ladder. You still have to haul yourself up the bl00dy thing and it's hard work but they are a tool. They are not a lift which simply takes you back up to ground level though. I don't work for Big Pharma, honestly, it's just the right meds have changed my life. Wishing you well.