Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Pyxis

.........it's the old adage about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

It is true, though.

Glad you got some decent sleep, Stoke. That should help. And great that you've told your parents, because that's a couple more people rooting for you now and sharing the load.

Are your friends aware that something is wrong, even though they don't know what?

Stoke, do you have any pets? I suppose if you work, a dog isn't possible, but what about a cat? A pet is great for making you feel wanted, and they are great to stroke, too.
Although, if you live in a flat, that might not be possible, either.

I intend to get another dog, but I have to get my house sorted first; it's in such a mess, and needs work done.

Stoke

Pyxis wrote: »

.........it's the old adage about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

It is true, though.

Glad you got some decent sleep, Stoke. That should help. And great that you've told your parents, because that's a couple more people rooting for you now and sharing the load.

Are your friends aware that something is wrong, even though they don't know what?

Stoke, do you have any pets? I suppose if you work, a dog isn't possible, but what about a cat? A pet is great for making you feel wanted, and they are great to stroke, too.
Although, if you live in a flat, that might not be possible, either.

I intend to get another dog, but I have to get my house sorted first; it's in such a mess, and needs work done.

So last night was back to normal. Awful sleep + a few really nasty nightmares when I was a sleep. That's basically normal. I did think Friday and Saturday were lulling me into a false sense of belief.

I have no pets. Do you think they would help?

Pyxis

Stoke wrote: »

So last night was back to normal. Awful sleep + a few really nasty nightmares when I was a sleep. That's basically normal. I did think Friday and Saturday were lulling me into a false sense of belief.

I have no pets. Do you think they would help?

I really do think a pet helps.

Firstly it gave me some'one' to talk to!

Secondly, it loved me warts and all, no matter what! Does wonders for the ego!

Thirdly, stroking a furry or feathery pet is very therapeutic. It has been shown to lower blood pressure and release endorphins.

Fourthly, it gave me something to be responsible for, got me out of the house (a dog), and ditto with dogs....dogwalkers always say hello to each other and sometimes stop and chat.

Also, training an animal is a very interesting pastime, too. Not just basic training and commands, etc. but the next dog I have, I will take it to classes and get to meet other dog owners.

However, it doesn't have to be a dog. Even when I had things like cats, gerbils, hamsters and guinea pigs, they gave me a lot of pleasure, too.

Dogs and cats always greet you when you come home, which is nice!

Having a pet does incur expense, sometimes quite a lot of expense, and does take up a lot of time, but I'd recommend it to anyone.

Stoke

I would love a dog, I do prefer them slightly to cats, but I know that dogs require a more in-touch owner and with me working that won't be possible. We'll see, maybe I can get a cat. More independent.

One thing which has not helped my mental health, although perhaps I'm over thinking it..... I don't know.... maybe I am making too much out of this: My ex partners new house, also happens to be on my estate.... about 0.7 miles away from my home. I found that part really upsetting for so many reasons. For one, I feel kind of unsafe in my own home now. She will have to drive past my street every time she goes home and that is a weird feeling for me. No, she won't come and kick down the door or anything, but there's an element of her knowing whether I'm in or not. She'll know who's there etc?

I want to be able to move on with my life one day, but I also know if she saw me in the local restaurant with perhaps another girl, she would not be able to let it be. I suspect she would try and cause some kind of trouble. Maybe I'm being harsh. If she moves on before me, I suspect she'll have no problem rubbing that in my face either. This could be a really painful situation. I've already looked at places I could move too. That feels really unfair. I've lived there for 3 years and now feel I have to move out Maybe this is all my own mental health though. What a mess.

Either, I never crossed her mind when she considered getting that house or I 100% was on her mind and it was a vindictive move. I hope it's the first of those two options, but even so, perhaps it's just me that would have avoided buying a house so close? I wouldn't want to keep bumping into her......

Still, this will be something I have to deal with going forward.

heartbreak_star

Stoke, please stop wasting your mental time and energy on her. She doesn't deserve it.

(I know it's easier said than done, of course!)

HBS x

Pyxis

Stoke wrote: »

I would love a dog, I do prefer them slightly to cats, but I know that dogs require a more in-touch owner and with me working that won't be possible. We'll see, maybe I can get a cat. More independent.

One thing which has not helped my mental health, although perhaps I'm over thinking it..... I don't know.... maybe I am making too much out of this: My ex partners new house, also happens to be on my estate.... about 0.7 miles away from my home. I found that part really upsetting for so many reasons. For one, I feel kind of unsafe in my own home now. She will have to drive past my street every time she goes home and that is a weird feeling for me. No, she won't come and kick down the door or anything, but there's an element of her knowing whether I'm in or not. She'll know who's there etc?

I want to be able to move on with my life one day, but I also know if she saw me in the local restaurant with perhaps another girl, she would not be able to let it be. I suspect she would try and cause some kind of trouble. Maybe I'm being harsh. If she moves on before me, I suspect she'll have no problem rubbing that in my face.

Either, I never crossed her mind when she considered getting that house or I 100% was on her mind and it was a vindictive move. I hope it's the first of those two options, but even so, perhaps it's just me that would have avoided buying a house so close? I wouldn't want to keep bumping into her......

Still, this will be something I have to deal with going forward.

Yes, do think about getting a cat...there are loads of cats needing rehomng, and if you go to a reputable cat rescue place, the cat will have been neutered and vaccinated etc. Ok, you might be asked to pay for that if the rescue place arranged it, but at least it would all be done!



That is so rough, having your ex so close. Really rough. No wonder you are so anxious. And splitting up is bad enough without the fear of vindictive behaviour.

Just see how it goes, see what happens. It might be ok. :A

Stoke

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Stoke, please stop wasting your mental time and energy on her. She doesn't deserve it.

(I know it's easier said than done, of course!)

HBS x

It's easy to torture yourself over these things though and that's exactly what I'm doing to myself I do know it, but it's still hard to stop it. The irony is, we've not spoken in months.... 6, maybe 7 and I've had no interest in speaking to her. I've not even thought about her beyond the occasional smile at an old photograph. A lot of this screams "he's not over her", because that's exactly what I would read from this.... the reality is, I am.... but now I need to be left to my own existence. I have been enjoying a certain degree of anonymity from her. Going to my local pub or restaurant, there's been no risk of bumping into each other. I've not had to see her and that's been a good thing for me, because for a long time after the breakup, I struggled. Of course, the day I go on medication, I find out she moves into her new house.... good for her, a day or so after that, I find out she's within walking distance of my house. It's like rubbing salt into an open wound, if you get me. My life falls apart into little pieces and she's ready to spread the pieces about, I'll never put it back together at this rate.

Pyxis wrote: »

Yes, do think about getting a cat...there are loads of cats needing rehomng, and if you go to a reputable cat rescue place, the cat will have been neutered and vaccinated etc. Ok, you might be asked to pay for that if the rescue place arranged it, but at least it would all be done!



That is so rough, having your ex so close. Really rough. No wonder you are so anxious. And splitting up is bad enough without the fear of vindictive behaviour.

Just see how it goes, see what happens. It might be ok. :A

I will look into getting a cat. I do like animals in general, I can just never tell if cats would like me. i love to hold and hug dogs and cats are very independent and can often go without that.

We split up a fairly long time ago now (over a year), so it's not that I am anxious of the break up now. That's done and up until my head fell apart last week, I've felt a lot better. I'm struggling a lot though and this is just one more thing to add. Finding out that she moved into her new place just felt like a cherry on top of what feels like a difficult time for me. I am seeing my doctor again Wednesday.... let's see eh?

Positive thinking apparently.

Izadora

Stoke wrote: »

It's easy to torture yourself over these things though and that's exactly what I'm doing to myself

As others have said, it's easier said than done but please try not to give it too much thought. It may have been vindictiveness, she may have been thoughtless or it's just as possible that she realised that the proximity wouldn't be great for you but it was the best/most affordable place she'd seen and saw it as a better option than a house she wouldn't like as much.

Having to live that close to her is far from ideal but please try not to worry about things which might never happen. Maybe talk to your nut doctor about coping strategies for some of the situations you fear, knowing that you'd be able to deal with them if they did arise will hopefully reduce your anxiety about the possibility.

Stoke wrote: »

I will look into getting a cat. I do like animals in general, I can just never tell if cats would like me. i love to hold and hug dogs and cats are very independent and can often go without that.

I think it very much depends on the cat, I've had cats that were like little shadows and loved to be cuddled and I've had others which barely tolerated being stroked. Most shelters will know the personalities of their cats so should hopefully be able to match you with one that's affectionate but independent enough to be left while you're at work.

I now feel the need to go to my parents' house for some kitty love, there's something very relaxing about a cat's purr

Pyxis

Yes. As Isadora said, it depends on the cat.

I've had six cats, and all but one were loving and wanted cuddles, one in particular very much so!
The other one wouldn't come near me! Weird, he was!

mellymoo74

Stoke
Our Ty crawled to our home, matted in oil, angry which meant bitey and swipey
My OH took the time to gain his trust, we fed him up and he's now the sloppiest chunky boy.
He worships my OH and was panicked when he was in hospital. He k iws OH can't sleep without him so settles down with him to help him sleep (doesn't work but is better than Ty not being with him)

Let cats come to you and you get tons out of them.

I know it's hard not to overthink but currently the only person hurting is you, try distraction techniques like snapping a band against your wrist when you start thinking about the ex xxx