Accident at nursery

Andypandyboy

onlyroz wrote: »

I live in a small Berkshire town among reasonably prosperous households. My kids attend the local primary school and it is obvious that the vast majority of mothers work only part time if at all.

Do you think that is because they want to do that or that they think it is expected that they do that?

onlyroz wrote: »

The school makes things hard for households where both parents work full time eg by scheduling parent appointments and school plays etc in the middle of the day, or by insisting that reception children start off doing half days for the first term.

Most of of those things are for the benefit of the children, kids get tired and plays in the evening after a full day at school would, in many, cases be too much. Ditto, half days to get them used to school and new surroundings. As for parent appointments are you saying that is the only option or that they are simply spreading the availability to suit the working and non working parents? I would bet it is the latter.

onlyroz wrote: »

On a number of occasions I have been given the impression that the staff look down on me for working full time and think that I am a deficient parent.

Most teachers work full time so I can't see why they would think that. That may be your perception rather than the reality.

onlyroz wrote: »

My husband was ridiculed at work for requesting extended paternity leave on the same terms as women requesting maternity leave. This was before the new rules came into effect allowing mothers and fathers to share the leave.

Times have changed. Ridiculed by whom? Women or men?

onlyroz wrote: »

Things are changing for the better but we are a long way off the ideal yet

The ideal for whom? Certainly not the ideal for all women.Many of whom do want to work part time and have a work life balance. I would go so far as to say most mothers would prefer to do that if it was affordable. Most fathers too.

Person_one

Andypandyboy wrote: »

So you think that societal expectation is for mothers to stay at home?

I think that societal expectation plays a part in life, but not in this type of decision.

Societal expectation seems to be that when children are born, the mother will take the vast majority of the available parental leave, then will either stop working for a bit , reduce her hours or go part time, or at the very least be the one who gets called when the kids are ill etc. The expectation for dads seems to be that they take two weeks off, then go back to work full time without facing any judgement or criticism at all for that.

Andypandyboy

Person_one wrote: »

Societal expectation seems to be that when children are born, the mother will take the vast majority of the available parental leave, then will either stop working for a bit , reduce her hours or go part time, or at the very least be the one who gets called when the kids are ill etc. The expectation for dads seems to be that they take two weeks off, then go back to work full time without facing any judgement or criticism at all for that.

I don't think there is any such societal expectation today. It may be what happens but who decides if that is through choice or this "expectation".

I agree there is the expectation on dads, but I know many of them wish they could do likewise, but it is usually only possible if joint finances permit.

If anything it is much easier for mothers to decide to have a better work life balance than fathers. As onlyroz said her husband was ridiculed for wanting to have leave.

As for being called when the kids get ill, in our experience you give a contact number, whose number, is down to the family.

onlyroz

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Do you think that is because they want to do that or that they think it is expected that they do that?

Probably a bit of both. I know plenty of mums who are just as qualified as their husbands, but they are the one who gave up their jobs or went part time when the kids came along.

As for parent appointments are you saying that is the only option or that they are simply spreading the availability to suit the working and non working parents? I would bet it is the latter.

Until the local authority forced them to stop, they used to shut the whole school down for three days a year for "progress days". We were expected to find suitable childcare for the kids and take time off work to attend appointments with the teachers. Now they have a more sensible system where appointments are offered from 3:15 PM through to around 8 PM.

Ridiculed by whom? Women or men?

This was only 8 years ago but my husband was ridiculed by the (largely female) HR staff at his workplace. I think their exact words were "men can take parental leave when they start having the babies themselves".

The ideal for whom? Certainly not the ideal for all women.Many of whom do want to work part time and have a work life balance. I would go so far as to say most mothers would prefer to do that if it was affordable. Most fathers too.

I'm sure this is probably true for a lot of people. I was ridiculed on another thread for suggesting that most jobs, even the most senior ones, would be possible to do as a job share. However, I hope that this is the direction society is heading in.

somethingcorporate

9 pages in and still no idea what happened at the nursery. I also find the OPs relationship odd and have first hand experience of a close family member thinking they would do a better parenting job than us and have quickly found themselves distanced as a result.

To expect babies not to have accidents shows how naive you are, OP. My wife, at the grand age of 21, was walking to pick up her first class law degree up from a presitgious Oxford college and managed to walk into a scaffolding pole that was covered in luminous tape. It shows even very clever, grown up people are clumsy so to expect a 1 year old not to ever have accidents is a bit OCD and may cause psychological issues with the child if you wrap them up to such an extent that they never experience any kind of risk.

My daughter is well looked after by our nanny and has had a number of accidents (many when being looked after by me &/or my wife) but that's because we want her to run free and work out how the world works - even if the lesson is a painful one.

FBaby

Societal expectation seems to be that when children are born, the mother will take the vast majority of the available parental leave, then will either stop working for a bit , reduce her hours or go part time, or at the very least be the one who gets called when the kids are ill etc. The expectation for dads seems to be that they take two weeks off, then go back to work full time without facing any judgement or criticism at all for that

I agree with this. I think those who are least judged are those who return to work when the child start school and do so on a part-time basis.

I know few mothers of primary school children, let alone nursery children who work full-time. I also know few women SAHM unless single and on benefits. Many teachers now work part-time, hence the growing number of job share which in my experience isn't at all what is best for the pupils. I think job shares are ok for some position, but a nightmare for others and impossible at higher level.

My experience is also that it is always mothers who are called first by schools if there is an issue. I think as a whole, mothers are called because there is an assumption that they earn less than the father and therefore in a less responsible job which mean that their absence is not as much a problem as the father's. I do have a male colleague whose wife is quite a high earner and they share these duties.

Andypandyboy

When leaving contact numbers with a school you simply stipulate who is to be called first. It is not hard to enusre that your contact requirements are met.

clairec79

Andypandyboy wrote: »

When leaving contact numbers with a school you simply stipulate who is to be called first. It is not hard to enusre that your contact requirements are met.

Although my husband is down as first contact there have been several occasions where I have been rung first

Andypandyboy

clairec79 wrote: »

Although my husband is down as first contact there have been several occasions where I have been rung first

Then you need to speak to the school about it. What is the point of giving a priority order if they ignore it? It wouldn't have happened twice to me if it was important.

theoretica

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I don't think there is any such societal expectation today. It may be what happens but who decides if that is through choice or this "expectation".

I agree there is the expectation on dads, but I know many of them wish they could do likewise, but it is usually only possible if joint finances permit.

If anything it is much easier for mothers to decide to have a better work life balance than fathers. As onlyroz said her husband was ridiculed for wanting to have leave.

Eh? Expectation on fathers rather than mothers still adds up to expectation on the couple.