Accident at nursery

missbiggles1

ravilious_fan wrote: »

Not really relevant to you then

No-one is saying that women should have no other life than changing nappies. (Though I expect some people on here might choose to interpret it that way )

We are talking about people who dump their child on a nursery for 12 hours a day full time and go to work because their career is more important than the child's wellbeing. Work, which in some cases on here seems to involve spending several hours chatting on an internet forum :laugh:

No, you're talking about women who do this.

FBaby

We are talking about people who dump their child on a nursery for 12 hours a day full time and go to work because their career is more important than the child's wellbeing. Work, which in some cases on here seems to involve spending several hours chatting on an internet forum

To be fair, there are a few women like this, who genuinely prefer being at work than with their babies. I do know one. She never wanted a kid in the first place, was never maternal, but decided to get pregnant when all her friends did and she thought it was the thing to do and fun. When her baby was born, she struggled from the start with the responsibility. She never seemed to really adjust to making the needs of her baby a priority over hers. She hated losing her independence and so made it clear to everyone that she would be back at work as soon as she could, and indeed, she looked so much happier and fulfilled when she did. The baby went to a childminder and without a doubt saw more of her than his mum.

However, even in that case, it would appear the child is doing well. She has found it much easier to bond with him as he got older and after she separated from the dad. I went to see them recently after more than 3 years and I was amazed what a lovely lad he was (now 10) and how close he seemed to his mum.

Still, I do think working mothers like her are a small minority. All the mothers I have come across at work either make it clear their wish they didn't work but do so because they have to financially, or if they actually enjoy working and do so for other reasons then just financial, come across as very dedicated mothers who put a lot of energy in being as good mums as they are good workers and seeming to manage it very well.

onlyroz

FBaby wrote: »

Still, I do think working mothers like her are a small minority. All the mothers I have come across at work either make it clear their wish they didn't work but do so because they have to financially, or if they actually enjoy working and do so for other reasons then just financial, come across as very dedicated mothers who put a lot of energy in being as good mums as they are good workers and seeming to manage it very well.

Should it really be so surprising that some mothers choose to work because they love their job? This idea that mothers only work because they absolutely have to, and given a choice they'd be a SAHM is rather sad. Nobody ever questions a father who says he loves his job so why be so bemused about a mother who says the same. It is possible to love your job and also your kids...

SingleSue

For me, it was important for my own well being to work as well as be a mum regardless of what my salary was. That said, I did change my career on the birth of eldest as the hours were so long that it was no longer viable to do it and still be an effective parent (he was a happy one in a million 'accident', although he didn't fit into the plans, there was no way I was NOT going to have him).

This was the same reason I returned to work with the two younger ones despite their disabilities. I loved my job, had a sense of identity and felt lost/less of a person without one...damn near killed myself trying to do it though and in the end, ended up very ill indeed because there were just not enough hours in the day to do both and sleep.

I cried the day I had to give that job up but the needs of the boys came first and without available childcare because of their needs, it was my only way forward. However, it also gave me the chance to do really intensive therapies with them, something I would not have been able to do had I still continued working (if it had been possible) and this has paid dividends now so it has turned out for the best...apart from it ending up with the result of me having no career prospects anymore and my health taking a battering from it!

FBaby

This idea that mothers only work because they absolutely have to, and given a choice they'd be a SAHM is rather sad.

My experience is that this is often the case for women working full-time, but most would be happy to work part-time rather than not at all and of course I was referring to working when the children are under the age of 5 and so at nursery full-time.

mumps

When my daughter was 15 she was doing a weeks work experience at a local nursery. She was left in a kitchen with a group of 3 and 4 year olds, I think there were three of them. She was told to make cakes with them. She hadn't be CRB checked so shouldn't even have been alone with the children let alone in a kitchen. As an aside my daughter had a phobia about being burnt, we don't know where it came from but started as a baby and she has never had a burn, well maybe doing her hair with GHDs but nothing else. At school it had been agreed that during cooking a teacher would take her efforts out of the oven as it stressed her out worrying about it. She has got over that now but it was pretty ridiculous that without any discussion she was left in this situation. She has often said it was the most stressful thing she has ever done. Fortunately they all survived in tact but can you imagine the follow up if a child had been hurt? No risk assessment could have been done as if they had asked her my daughter would have explained the problem but she was just told to go and see X in the kitchen and X told her to make cakes with the kids and left.

Andypandyboy

In a relationship when you decide to have a child surely you talk through how and by whom it will be cared for? We certainly did.

For us, the idea of a grandparent caring for our child/ren wasn't an option both sides made it clear beforehand that whilst they were happy to babysit, they wouldn't do childcare while we worked.

Neither of us wanted our children to be looked after by others full time until they went to school, so we adapted our lifestyle to suit. One of us gave up work and returned to study at one period whilst doing the childcare.

It wasn't always easy but between us we worked it out. Now, we both have good careers as the time spent at home was put to good use.

Person_one

Andypandyboy wrote: »

In a relationship when you decide to have a child surely you talk through how and by whom it will be cared for? We certainly did.

For us, the idea of a grandparent caring for our child/ren wasn't an option both sides made it clear beforehand that whilst they were happy to babysit, they wouldn't do childcare while we worked.

Neither of us wanted our children to be looked after by others full time until they went to school, so we adapted our lifestyle to suit. One of us gave up work and returned to study at one period whilst doing the childcare.

It wasn't always easy but between us we worked it out. Now, we both have good careers as the time spent at home was put to good use.

You're careful not to specify, but I think I can take a wild guess at which one...

Andypandyboy

Person_one wrote: »

You're careful not to specify, but I think I can take a wild guess at which one...

I think we have had this conversation before.....;)

Jagraf

Andypandyboy wrote: »

In a relationship when you decide to have a child surely you talk through how and by whom it will be cared for? We certainly did.

For us, the idea of a grandparent caring for our child/ren wasn't an option both sides made it clear beforehand that whilst they were happy to babysit, they wouldn't do childcare while we worked.

Neither of us wanted our children to be looked after by others full time until they went to school, so we adapted our lifestyle to suit. One of us gave up work and returned to study at one period whilst doing the childcare.

It wasn't always easy but between us we worked it out. Now, we both have good careers as the time spent at home was put to good use.

I agree with everything you say - it's just that we were happy with full time nursery. I get cross when people (not you) can't comprehend someone else's well thought out decisions.
Personally I had flexibility through the early teens years which I found very handy!