Accident at nursery

Mr_Costcutter

I'm afraid I don't care a jot about how the OP regards her niece, and can't really understand why it is such an issue for so many.

iammumtoone

ravilious_fan wrote: »

Please don't tell me you made a decision about the your child's wellbeing and safety based on the opinions of a bunch of strangers on an internet forum...

No of course not, whilst I certainly don't agree with the attitude of some posters on the job seeking board. I do agree with the fact that if people are able, they should work and not claim JSA. I also have a mortgage to pay so wouldn't get permanent help with housing, for that reason alone I have no choice but to work as I could not afford to live on JSA.

Do you think it right that all single mothers should be allowed to be SHAMs at the tax payers expensive.

The other reason I work is to set a good role model for my son, I do want him growing up thinking that is is acceptable not to work. (Where there are two parents and one is working, that it is different).

FBaby

Money_maker wrote: »

I dont know whether you are a parent or not (unmarried does not tell us if you are) but when we are all on our deathbeds, will we be saying 'thank goodness I stayed on the career ladder and spent 40 years doing this/that/the other' or will you be thinking 'I've been so lucky that I've been able to spend so much of my childs childhood with him/her and haven't regretted a moment'.

Why would it be one or the other? To be honest, I expect my main thought will be how extremely lucky I was to do both successfully. I have never taken for granted becoming a mum, I wanted to be one ever since I remember and loved every minute of it and still do. I can't imagine what my life would have been like without them in my life, but it's not because I felt so lucky to have them that I felt I needed to give up the rest of my life for them. I have managed to balance all aspects of my life and I'm sure they have benefited greatly so far of having a strong well balanced and happy mother, regardless of the fact that I worked, in the same way if I felt as happy and fulfilled being a SAHM.

SingleSue

I did it both ways, eldest went to a nursery from when he was a baby and I returned to work, the other two, I found employment which fitted around now ex husband's hours and their care needs and then eventually, had to give up work because their care needs were too much and my marriage broke up.

Eldest is well adjusted, middle and youngest are well adjusted (outside of their disabilities). None of them resent me for the choice for me to work or to stay at home.

FBaby

None of them resent me for the choice for me to work or to stay at home.

And that's probably because being a SAHM vs working mum has such little influence on how our children compared to so many other parental factors and indeed, I would expect that being a happy parent influences how happy our children on a significantly larger scale than whether they went to nursery or not.

A SAHM who is happy in a role, supported by a loving husband who can afford to support the family alone will be a much better mum than one who is bored, over-spending and stressed all day long as a result of mounting debts, very much like a mum enjoying her job, feeling confident that her children are in good care when not with her, able to offer a pleasant lifestyle to her kids will have happier children than a mum stressed with work, feeling guilty for leaving her children in care, and still hardly able to afford the bare minimum.

Jagraf

Money_maker wrote: »

I dont know whether you are a parent or not (unmarried does not tell us if you are) but when we are all on our deathbeds, will we be saying 'thank goodness I stayed on the career ladder and spent 40 years doing this/that/the other' or will you be thinking 'I've been so lucky that I've been able to spend so much of my childs childhood with him/her and haven't regretted a moment'.

Personally I won't have any regrets about having a career and being a parent - by your reckoning that means most parents (as someone hopefully works in the household) would regret it. I don't think kids regret their parents working either. It's perfectly normal and healthy to do so.

Jagraf

ravilious_fan wrote: »

Paranoia..

You want a baby, - babies need looking after. You decide between you who is going to look after the kids and when. You don't farm them out onto a nursery, where some disgruntled underpaid person barely out of their teens has to look after them for you.

As the OP is finding..

Can I have a look in your book of rules?

There are some absolutely brilliant teens who go into childcare and who are inspirational and the kids love them.

peachyprice

Money_maker wrote: »

I dont know whether you are a parent or not (unmarried does not tell us if you are) but when we are all on our deathbeds, will we be saying 'thank goodness I stayed on the career ladder and spent 40 years doing this/that/the other' or will you be thinking 'I've been so lucky that I've been able to spend so much of my childs childhood with him/her and haven't regretted a moment'.

Or a third, and just as likely scenario, 'why oh why did I put my whole life on hold for an ungrateful, spoiled child that doesn't even bother to contact me from one year to the next unless he/she needs something''


Personally I be saying 'thank goodness I did my best to bring my children up as well-rounded, caring individuals and managed to have a life for myself at the same time'.

Working isn't all about work you know. Not all parents find it healthy to be cooped up at home with their children as the only stimulus in life. A balance is possible, and you know what, children of parents who actually have an interest outside of the home will grow up just fine.

ravilious_fan

onlyroz wrote: »

You talk as if the requirement for childcare is a new thing. In days gone by it would largely have been the wider family who looked after the kids, leaving mum and dad to go out to work. However, these days it is less common for people to stay in the same village or town they were born in and the wider family could be scattered around the globe.

That is true, people were much more family oriented then. My cousin was looked after by her grandmother while her mother worked full-time. She wouldn't have been dumped in a nursery, not least because it costs so much!

iammumtoone wrote: »

No of course not, whilst I certainly don't agree with the attitude of some posters on the job seeking board. I do agree with the fact that if people are able, they should work and not claim JSA. I also have a mortgage to pay so wouldn't get permanent help with housing, for that reason alone I have no choice but to work as I could not afford to live on JSA.

Do you think it right that all single mothers should be allowed to be SHAMs at the tax payers expensive.

The welfare of the child comes first, second and third. Mums do not have to look for work until the child is of school age. The reason for that is that studies have shown that being with the mother in the early years is highly beneficial to the child. It's also beneficial to the mother, if you read the article I gave a link to earlier on. If that wasn't the case the government would be forcing all mums who've just given birth to go out looking for work. Think about it. George Osbourne doesn't dole out money to people who don't need it.

I am not criticizing you, I think what you're doing is very well-meaning, but the child's wellbeing needs to come before the parent's. I can see why a few people on here stamp their feet when they read/hear that, but nobody is forced to have a child! If you have one, look after it.

Birdie85

Oh don't be so narrow minded ravilious. A woman doesn't stop being a person in her own right the minute her child is born. I both *have* to work for the money (yet DS is only 'dumped' at nursery - where the average age of the staff there is ~35, so hardly teens - 1.5 days a week, other times he is cared for by my DH, my Mum and MIL), but I also *choose* to work as it's important for me to have a life just for me and have people speak to me about something other than Playdoh and poo! If I was a SAHM I'd probably be depressed. Selfish? Perhaps, but I'd rather be selfish than suffering from depression!