3.5 months 'dating'...

piglet74

I would be asking him if you are good enough to sleep over at each others house.. Then are you not good enough to meet his family / be mentioned / accompany him to the wedding, or whatever is the most important thing to you.

I would imagine that wedding invitations may not be out yet, is the general practice not around 6 \ 8 weeks before the day?

selement

3.5 months isn't all that long. I took my OH to my sisters wedding when we had been together 8 months and my relatives were joking it'd be us next, which to my at the time fairly anti marriage 20yr old boyfriend found a bit horrifying! It could be that he doesn't want to have the' where is this going' discussion yet, because it is early days, but going to a wedding is more likely to make it come up!

Some people wait to show family their partners until they are certain its a serious relationship.

Haylescom

I'm much more wary now, although completely settled down now. I'd never suggest this is what's happened in your situation but it's worth a few questions to him for sure.
On a separate note, I was invited to a friend's wedding a few years ago. My OH and I had only been dating for a month or so and as she was busy with the wedding I hadn't told her I was seeing anyone. Afterwards she said had she known she would've invited him, but I personally was happy to be there without him. It would've meant him meeting a huge group of my friends (and my ex as it was his sister's wedding) all at once and I would've gelt the need to look after him.
He's now had the chance to meet all of my friends and family through more casual situations and I think that's probably best.

Made_Without

selement wrote: »

3.5 months isn't all that long. I took my OH to my sisters wedding when we had been together 8 months and my relatives were joking it'd be us next, which to my at the time fairly anti marriage 20yr old boyfriend found a bit horrifying! It could be that he doesn't want to have the' where is this going' discussion yet, because it is early days, but going to a wedding is more likely to make it come up!

Some people wait to show family their partners until they are certain its a serious relationship.

I appreciate and understand what you're saying. Equally, I know it will be the type of event where people will be trying to matchmake him and I personally find that equally upsetting as someone making some off-the-cuff remark about it being our turn next.

I'm happy not to meet his family or to be invited to the wedding - what I am not comfortable with is them not knowing I exist and that he is seeing me.

Also, I get it may be too early for the 'where is it going' conversation - but I am too long in the tooth for this to be some fleeting thing - we may be over tomorrow - but I'd hope we both have the intention of it being something a bit more solid -or at least that is what I've been led to believe to date.

C*F

Pollycat

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

Is it reasonable to expect an invite to his sibling's wedding in another 2 months time (we'll have been dating for 5 months)

I think I am miffed as I know people will be trying to 'matchmake' him... especially as he hasn't told his family that we are dating.

So I guess I don't know if I am upset that I am not invited to the wedding or that he hasn't told his family about us.

I've tried broaching both the invite to wedding and the fact he hasn't told his family and I get no response.

C*F

How can you reasonably expect an invitation to a wedding if nobody knows you're dating?
The issueis with your partner.

justme111

I suppose it is a classic case of woman wanting long term future while a man either deep down knows there is none or just does not want to gauge it yet. Op , nothing less romantic than a woman nagging a man after 3,5 (! what a precision , why not to just say "a few weeks"?) months of knowing him "to talk". He does not want " to talk" - what do you expect to achieve by "making him talk "?
Basically either accept a relationship as it is if it brings you enough benefits. Or drop him if it makes you feel disregarded , having to chase etc explaining honestly why - that while u like him to be in your life you feel he does not reciprocate so there is no future.

Made_Without

Haylescom wrote: »

I'm much more wary now, although completely settled down now. I'd never suggest this is what's happened in your situation but it's worth a few questions to him for sure.
On a separate note, I was invited to a friend's wedding a few years ago. My OH and I had only been dating for a month or so and as she was busy with the wedding I hadn't told her I was seeing anyone. Afterwards she said had she known she would've invited him, but I personally was happy to be there without him. It would've meant him meeting a huge group of my friends (and my ex as it was his sister's wedding) all at once and I would've gelt the need to look after him.
He's now had the chance to meet all of my friends and family through more casual situations and I think that's probably best.

Agree -and would happy to not have an invite to the wedding but to be a 'known' entity to his friends and family ... and to start meeting them in more casual situations.

C*F

Made_Without

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

I think the lack of wedding invite, so soon, is not entirely unexpected.
(I still have shake-your-head memories of a new girlfriend at a family funeral!)

The other issue of not telling his family - this isn't a cross-cultural relationship is it?

No.

C*F

Made_Without

Pollycat wrote: »

How can you reasonably expect an invitation to a wedding if nobody knows you're dating?
The issueis with your partner.

Agree

C*F

balletshoes

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

Agree -and would happy to not have an invite to the wedding but to be a 'known' entity to his friends and family ... and to start meeting them in more casual situations.

C*F

then thats what you need to say to your bf, just exactly what you've said there.