3.5 months 'dating'...

Made_Without

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

From what you've put, that was my first thought, like he's hedging his bets. Hopefully not though, and it's just like people have said that he doesn't want 20 questions off his family.

I often worry about the 'hedging bets' theory - I didn't meet him online ... but I think with the rise of online dating apps there is a real element of that - that people don't put as much effort in as another person is only a swipe / click away.

I don't think that the problem here - I could be wrong, but I don't think he's thinking that way.

I get that telling family could lead to a whole bunch of questions... especially in the light of their being a family wedding and everyone being in a :heart2: mood... but equally, I know that the priest had made some sort of public comment about him being single etc at an earlier ceremony ... and weddings do seem to bring out the Cilla Black in some people. I don't like the fact that he would rather face that then have the questions about me.

C*F

nearlyrich

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

That must be very hard. Probably this wedding has just brought things to a head because if he had told his family about you then no doubt you'd have got an invite.

It's very rude of him to not even discuss it with you.

I don't agree that she would "no doubt you'd have got an invite"


My DD and her now husband didn't invite new partners who hooked up with their cousins for example after the wedding was arranged as there was not enough room in the venue for extra people.Three and a half months is not very long in the scale of things.

Georgiegirl256

nearlyrich wrote: »

I don't agree that she would "no doubt you'd have got an invite"
.

No doubt, but not neccessarily so. But most people knowing that their relative had a partner would usually invite them.

Made_Without

piglet74 wrote: »

I hope not! My pals hubby had a gf behind her back, and this gf had wondered why she never got to meet his family or friends. I wouldn't mind if I was a secret gf for a really good reason, but if your new fella cant give you one I would be thinking he may already have a partner :eek:

Oh boy. Now that's going to add a new whole dimension to my worrying I really dont think that is the case here - but I guess that is what everyone thinks.

C*F

piglet74

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

Oh boy. Now that's going to add a new whole dimension to my worrying I really dont think that is the case here - but I guess that is what everyone thinks.

C*F

I could be a million miles away from the truth, but just consider it as an option before you get in too deep, or fall in love x

arbrighton

1) 3.5 months isn't really that long and for many people, it's not serious by that point. The fact you phrase it as dating rather than going out, or in a relationship suggests it's not necessarily viewed as a long term relationship yet. Do you tell your parents about every person you date, for any length of time, never mind expect them to meet them?

2) Invitations may well have been sent well before now and numbers pretty much finalised . My sister wouldn't have dreamed of asking for a plus one for my wedding last year if it was someone I had never met. I asked a friend if he would like to bring a new gf though, as it was obvious they were spending a lot of time together and were already quite serious but he wouldn't have asked or assumed though

Made_Without

PasturesNew wrote: »

I think 3.5 months is far too short a time for all this Spanish Inquisition stuff. It's all getting a bit bunny boiler now.

What part of what I've said sounds 'bunny boiler'?!

C*F

Made_Without

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you asked him whether he has kept every other girlfriend a secret from his family or is it just because the wedding was on the horizon when he met you and didn't want the dilemma of taking you/not taking you?

No, I think this is a good conversation to have with regards to when he typically introduces family - gf... irrespective of the wedding; thanks.

C*F

piglet74

How did you hear about the wedding?

Is he private about other aspects of his life? Maybe he has been hurt in the past, or has recently split up with someone?

Made_Without

arbrighton wrote: »

1) 3.5 months isn't really that long and for many people, it's not serious by that point. The fact you phrase it as dating rather than going out, or in a relationship suggests it's not necessarily viewed as a long term relationship yet. Do you tell your parents about every person you date, for any length of time, never mind expect them to meet them?

2) Invitations may well have been sent well before now and numbers pretty much finalised . My sister wouldn't have dreamed of asking for a plus one for my wedding last year if it was someone I had never met. I asked a friend if he would like to bring a new gf though, as it was obvious they were spending a lot of time together and were already quite serious but he wouldn't have asked or assumed though

That's getting into semantics - we are going out / dating / in a relationship.
As to long term - it is what it is, 3.5 months.
I tell the members of the family that matter - once the person I am dating and I consider ourselves to be in a relationship - yes. It just makes for easier conversation as I'll often mention who I am with when going out.

Yes, I am pretty sure invititions would have been sent out. I doubt he got one -as he's been helping out, organising things etc. It's a large wedding, not immediate friends and family. And you're right I wouldnt expect someone who doesn't know about me to invite me - it's more about him not having mentioned me.

C*F