3.5 months 'dating'...

piglet74

Has either of you been married before?

Made_Without

justme111 wrote: »

I suppose it is a classic case of woman wanting long term future while a man either deep down knows there is none or just does not want to gauge it yet. Op , nothing less romantic than a woman nagging a man after 3,5 (! what a precision , why not to just say "a few weeks"?) months of knowing him "to talk". He does not want " to talk" - what do you expect to achieve by "making him talk "?
Basically either accept a relationship as it is if it brings you enough benefits. Or drop him if it makes you feel disregarded , having to chase etc explaining honestly why - that while u like him to be in your life you feel he does not reciprocate so there is no future.

Nagging (!)

Actually, the 'nag' was that I wanted to know when the wedding was as if I'm not invited, I want to be able to plan a weekend away - which I don't think is an unreasonable ask to know when the person your seeing is doing their own thing.

Talking typically allows parties to share their opinion and viewpoint - this may / or may not be aligned, but at least people know then what the state-of-play is.

And you are right, I am sure we will both decide if there is any benefit in continuing.

C*F

Made_Without

balletshoes wrote: »

then thats what you need to say to your bf, just exactly what you've said there.

I have. I guess I need to decide whether to try to explain again or to call it quits.

C*F

Made_Without

piglet74 wrote: »

Has either of you been married before?

No. I've been in some pretty long relationships 7+, 4+ years.

C*F

justme111

Why you so unwilling to accept he may move slower than you ? Why the rush ? Is it because you do not want to be disappointed and hurt after ? So self preservation from that hurt makes you unwilling to take a chance on someone who could potentially be good long term because there are doubts whether it could? I suppose it boils down to what you would be more upset about - you losing a good man because u nag him or you feeling upset if you will see him for longer and it becomes apparent later he dis not want you

justme111

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

Nagging (!)

Actually, the 'nag' was that I wanted to know when the wedding was as if I'm not invited, I want to be able to plan a weekend away - which I don't think is an unreasonable ask to know when the person your seeing is doing their own thing.

Talking typically allows parties to share their opinion and viewpoint - this may / or may not be aligned, but at least people know then what the state-of-play is.

And you are right, I am sure we will both decide if there is any benefit in continuing.

C*F

I said nagging because you said you tried to talk relationships with him and he was reluctant to engage before , should you try again etc.
Your initial post and other posts are very different to what you written above.
No need to play it cool on here , we are anonymous

Made_Without

justme111 wrote: »

Why you so unwilling to accept he may move slower than you ? Why the rush ? Is it because you do not want to be disappointed and hurt after ? So self preservation from that hurt makes you unwilling to take a chance on someone who could potentially be good long term because there are doubts whether it could? I suppose it boils down to what you would be more upset about - you losing a good man because u nag him or you feeling upset if you will see him for longer and it becomes apparent later he dis not want you

OK, firstly, I resent you repeatedly using the word 'nag'. Without knowing what has been said, how and when - it's just plain rude.

You are right, I don't wish to be hurt OR to hurt.

As for him wanting to go slower - that's fine. But that needs to be communicated to some level. If he explained that he didn't want to / feel comfortable with X, Y, Z then at least I would have some understanding of the situation - irrespective of whether I would agree or not.

I agree he is a good man - with some flaws but equally, I am a good woman - with flaws. Both parties in a relationship either gain or lose out.

C*F

Made_Without

justme111 wrote: »

I said nagging because you said you tried to talk relationships with him and he was reluctant to engage before , should you try again etc.
Your initial post and other posts are very different to what you written above.
No need to play it cool on here , we are anonymous

How is it different? If I'm not invited then I need to know so I can go away - that's why I would like to know ... just like if he is busy with helping with wedding prep over Easter, I need to know so I can plan my own thing... its not very different... it's just adding information in context to the questions asked.

Trying to talk to a person again doesn't equate to nagging.

C*F

tomtontom

Sorry OP, off topic, are you aware of the (colloquial) meaning of your username?

Made_Without

tomtontom wrote: »

Sorry OP, off topic, are you aware of the (colloquial) meaning of your username?

Yes (blush)
I chose it years ago as a Limp Bizkit fan (double blush)
I didn't know when I picked it.

I wonder if there is a way to change it...

C*F