3.5 months 'dating'...

Anatidaephobia

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

I've tried broaching both the invite to wedding and the fact he hasn't told his family and I get no response.

What has actually happened when you've brought it up? Does he literally ignore you, does he make a joke of it, does he change the subject? What does he say?

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

If I'm not invited then I need to know so I can go away - that's why I would like to know ... just like if he is busy with helping with wedding prep over Easter, I need to know so I can plan my own thing...

You're not invited unless you're invited which you haven't been - so if you want to arrange to go away then you can. I think it's safe to assume you're not going to receive an invite over the next couple of months because the family don't know you exist. If your boyfriend DID have the opportunity or intention to invite you, I don't see why he wouldn't have already mentioned it, especially if he is quite open with other things, as you said.

LilElvis

Does he live close to his parents and siblings? Does he see or speak to them regularly? Though he is involved in helping with the wedding planning you haven't indicated whether they are a "close" family. Not everyone is family oriented and some have fraught relationships with their nearest relatives. In both cases it would be reasonable that they may keep their everyday work/social/personal life totally separate from their life with their family, which might just be of the lip-service variety - the weekly phone call and attending the minimum of expected family events (Christmas, birthdays, weddings).

You must have discussed your families over the last several months, at least enough to have a reasonable understanding of what type of relationship he has with his family - on the spectrum from extremely close to barely tolerates them. This should give you an indication as to whether he would reasonably be expected to have told them about you by now.

Made_Without

piglet74 wrote: »

Have you ever give him the impression that you would not like to go to the wedding with him? Maybe he doesn't want to ask you in case you say no...?

No, I've not said anything to suggest I wouldn't like to go.
I'd be terrified - especially if I hadn't met anyone before the day - but I would go if asked. It's going to be a big wedding, so I'd just hide out there in the background.

We've spoken more generically about weddings. A friend of mine recently met his gf on holiday and he's now invited her to be his +1 to a wedding he's been invited to in another country. They are planning a holiday as well as attending the wedding. They've known each other for about a month

C*F

Made_Without

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

What has actually happened when you've brought it up? Does he literally ignore you, does he make a joke of it, does he change the subject? What does he say?

You're not invited unless you're invited which you haven't been - so if you want to arrange to go away then you can. I think it's safe to assume you're not going to receive an invite over the next couple of months because the family don't know you exist. If your boyfriend DID have the opportunity or intention to invite you, I don't see why he wouldn't have already mentioned it, especially if he is quite open with other things, as you said.

He says absolutely nothing ... changes topic.

Indeed. A weekend away will be perfect.

C*F

Made_Without

LilElvis wrote: »

Does he live close to his parents and siblings? Does he see or speak to them regularly? Though he is involved in helping with the wedding planning you haven't indicated whether they are a "close" family. Not everyone is family oriented and some have fraught relationships with their nearest relatives. In both cases it would be reasonable that they may keep their everyday work/social/personal life totally separate from their life with their family, which might just be of the lip-service variety - the weekly phone call and attending the minimum of expected family events (Christmas, birthdays, weddings).

You must have discussed your families over the last several months, at least enough to have a reasonable understanding of what type of relationship he has with his family - on the spectrum from extremely close to barely tolerates them. This should give you an indication as to whether he would reasonably be expected to have told them about you by now.

He goes to see them every other weekend - they live about an hour a way. He speaks during the week, helping out with bits and pieces (organising a handyman to fix something or sorting out some business paperwork) - they are 'close' - perhaps not close in the same way I am where we talk about more personal stuff as well (I don't know). So in terms of the amount of time he spends there / speaks to them etc. It feels odd to me that there is no mention of me to them. I don't expect to necessarily get an invite over to dinner or anything but to not even mention that he is seeing someone - early days - seems odd to me.

C*F

piglet74

Is it possible that he already has a date for the wedding? Maybe his last gf, before he met you? Is it also possible that he has not told his family that his previous relationship has ended?

Anatidaephobia

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

He says absolutely nothing ... changes topic.

If it were me, I would have done the same thing I would do if anyone ignored me. I would casually say something like "Oh, didn't you hear me? I was just asking X, Y and Z."

You can't force someone to answer you but you can make it a bit harder for them to ignore you.

Maybe you can think about what you want to ask him and how best to word it then try again? If he ignores you, call him out on it.

Made_Without

piglet74 wrote: »

Is it possible that he already has a date for the wedding? Maybe his last gf, before he met you? Is it also possible that he has not told his family that his previous relationship has ended?

Not something I had considered :-/

I'm going to guess that isn't the case as he'd mentioned the 'matchmaking' incident at the engagement party... if an ex had been there , then that would have been odd / awkward.


C*F

Anatidaephobia

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

So in terms of the amount of time he spends there / speaks to them etc. It feels odd to me that there is no mention of me to them. I don't expect to necessarily get an invite over to dinner or anything but to not even mention that he is seeing someone - early days - seems odd to me.

Out of curiosity, how do you know that he has never mentioned you to them?

piglet74

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

If it were me, I would have done the same thing I would do if anyone ignored me. I would casually say something like "Oh, didn't you hear me? I was just asking X, Y and Z."

You can't force someone to answer you but you can make it a bit harder for them to ignore you.

Maybe you can think about what you want to ask him and how best to word it then try again? If he ignores you, call him out on it.

I LOVE THIS!!! I am going to start using this method