3.5 months 'dating'...

Made_Without

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

If it were me, I would have done the same thing I would do if anyone ignored me. I would casually say something like "Oh, didn't you hear me? I was just asking X, Y and Z."

You can't force someone to answer you but you can make it a bit harder for them to ignore you.

Maybe you can think about what you want to ask him and how best to word it then try again? If he ignores you, call him out on it.

I hear you! I've tried asking a few times but then I just start getting really angry and decide to step away for a bit. Problem with that approach is that nothing gets resolved. I guess that's why I ended up posting on here today - wanting to get some suggestions and outside perspective.

C*F

piglet74

I think its clear you need \ deserve answers

Anatidaephobia

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

I hear you! I've tried asking a few times but then I just start getting really angry and decide to step away for a bit. Problem with that approach is that nothing gets resolved. I guess that's why I ended up posting on here today - wanting to get some suggestions and outside perspective.

I can understand how frustrating that must be I don't understand how he could be so blatantly rude as to literally ignore you. The lack of manners would frustrate me just as much as the lack of answers.

Made_Without

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

Out of curiosity, how do you know that he has never mentioned you to them?

Good point. Based on him not having said to me he has.
Perhaps he has and they too are masters of the art of ignoring when someone is speaking (that he seems to have picked up )

C*F

Made_Without

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

I can understand how frustrating that must be I don't understand how he could be so blatantly rude as to literally ignore you. The lack of manners would frustrate me just as much as the lack of answers.

Yes, It is frustrating and I get angry and that's why I back off as I don't wish it to escalate - but equally this get neither of us anywhere!

C*F

piglet74

Who was he with on the night you first met him?

balletshoes

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

He goes to see them every other weekend - they live about an hour a way. He speaks during the week, helping out with bits and pieces (organising a handyman to fix something or sorting out some business paperwork) - they are 'close' - perhaps not close in the same way I am where we talk about more personal stuff as well (I don't know). So in terms of the amount of time he spends there / speaks to them etc.
It feels odd to me that there is no mention of me to them. I don't expect to necessarily get an invite over to dinner or anything but to not even mention that he is seeing someone - early days - seems odd to me.

C*F

and again, to me, (I'm very close to my parents and sisters and would visit my mum and dad at least a couple of times a week) I wouldn't have, and didn't, mention when I was dating/seeing someone, early days, and especially once I was no longer a spring chicken. It just opens the door for the "oooh will you be next walking down the aisle" and 20 questions about his life when you're still getting to know each other really. Different when you're feeling that its getting serious or you've had the discussion about your futures and them being together.

Made_Without

piglet74 wrote: »

Who was he with on the night you first met him?

Not sure exactly... I was out with a friend at a Meetup event and he gatecrashed the part of the club which had been sectioned off... we spoke briefly exchanged #s and then he left as he said they were going on to another bar.

C*F

Anatidaephobia

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

Good point. Based on him not having said to me he has.
Perhaps he has and they too are masters of the art of ignoring when someone is speaking (that he seems to have picked up )

It's possible he has mentioned you to them, even if it's in a downplayed, anonymous type way (eg, an obscure mention of "this girl I've seen a couple of times"). It's also possible that he's not quite at the same stage as you and doesn't feel any need to introduce you to his family at this point.

There could be any number of reasons - maybe he's introduced loads of girlfriends to his family before and is trying not to bring another one so soon or maybe he doesn't normally introduce anyone to his family this quickly. Three and a half months is still fairly early days. I don't know your ages or background; maybe he's never introduced anyone to them at all - or maybe it's something he hasn't done since his last serious relationship. It could be that he doesn't think the relationship is serious enough to be at this stage yet (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, just means he's not thinking the same as you yet) or perhaps he genuinely hadn't thought about it until you mentioned it and then panicked a bit. Maybe he doesn't have a problem introducing you to the family in general but the wedding is bad timing so he wants to wait til it's over to avoid the comments people might make.

I could go on but, to be honest, this is all just meaningless speculation and none of us can know what he's thinking.

Made_Without

balletshoes wrote: »

and again, to me, (I'm very close to my parents and sisters and would visit my mum and dad at least a couple of times a week) I wouldn't have, and didn't, mention when I was dating/seeing someone, early days, and especially once I was no longer a spring chicken. It just opens the door for the "oooh will you be next walking down the aisle" and 20 questions about his life when you're still getting to know each other really. Different when you're feeling that its getting serious or you've had the discussion about your futures and them being together.

I appreciate that. And if he just said that he didn't want to be interrogated or would feel pressured if he were to mention me, I'd respect that.

C*F