3.5 months 'dating'...

Made_Without

yvonne13 wrote: »

OP from what I read you have two issues with your boyfriend.
1. He's not mentioned you to his friends or family..
2. He's not asked you to be his plus one at the wedding. (Because his family don't know you exsist)
I woub be more concerned about being hidden away from his friends and family at this point over being invited to a wedding.

Everyone is different and moves at their own pace, it seems you're trying to rush him into something he clearly doesn't want at this point.
Yes he holds your hand and kisses you in public when strangers are around, but what makes you think he would do this around people he knows?
You even go to his house and you've never seen his friends there not even once! Do you have to book an appointment to go to his house or can you just turn up?

Are you sure you're his girlfriend? It comes across to me that you're only dating. It's been over 3 months and you haven't even met his best friend!

If you can't sit down with him and ask a simple question about not meeting even his friends let alone family then I'm sure you know what to do.

I appreciate everyone is different. I'm not trying to rush him; I am trying to understand the difference in approach.

Obviously, i don't know how he would behave with me around his friends and family as that hasn't happened for me to comment.

I don't think that it's odd that I've not seen his friends at his place - mine certainly are not roaming around my place when he's about. We all work longish hours - and most of his / mine are settled and have family commitments. I don't make an appointment per se; but obviously we both need to know when the other is coming over and vice versa so that we are in. I wouldn't just turn up as I am respectful of his time as he is of mine.

I'm pretty sure he considers me to be his gf.

Yes, I think i do know what to do - thanks.

C*F

Made_Without

Domayne wrote: »

I don't think it's that strange his family don't know about you.
In my experience, 3-6 months dating is still very much the 'honeymoon period' where you don't know each other that well and what really makes each other tick and it's all just butterflies and rainbows.
Having had many of these types of romances that have fizzled out after the 1-6 month period, These days I wouldn't introduce anyone to my family or friends for AT LEAST 6 months, Until I'm 100% sure that it's going somewhere.

Makes sense that this works for you. For me, I generally introduce friends / family quite early on - just because I spend a fair amount of time with them socially and so it would be an unnatural divide.
I don't expect the person I am dating to then spend all their time with friends / family etc. but it makes for more natural conversation when I can refer to people by name etc.

C*F

Made_Without

Serendipitious wrote: »

It's all a bit of a puzzle, isn't it?

If it were me, I wouldn't be too worried about not being invited, mostly because a wedding is too big an event at which to be introduced to the family. And it's not just immediate family, it's everyone else who is there as well. Also the wedding is about the bride and groom so the focus should quite rightly be on them.

It's still early days in your relationship and my question is this. Taking the wedding out of the equation, has there been any indication of any other plans for the two of you for a few months down the line? Eg with Spring and Summer on the horizon, have you talked about days out, the possibilities of weekends away, etc? You met in winter time, so it would be only natural for you both to be looking forward to enjoying time together outdoors.

I agree. Mentioning the wedding is a bit of red herring. I can live without going (although I'd prefer to be asked as I don't like the matchmaking element to it and I personally would prefer to go with someone... so you've got someone to dance with, talk to in the bits inbetween etc.)

I think it's a good idea to talk about planning something for a few months time, post-wedding. Thank you

C*F

Made_Without

SandC wrote: »

I can easily go 3.5 months without seeing my family myself, never mind bringing a new bloke into the mix. 😂

I am cautious about telling people about new relationships as history has shown there's a tendency for them to go t*ts up at an early stage. These days I give it more time to become a bit more serious in order to save face. Ha ha.

Maybe it's a bit like that for him. I'd say go with your instincts. If you feel the need to have 'a talk' then that's what you should do as it's going to keep bothering you if you don't.

If he wasn't close / in contact / seeing his family regularly then I wouldn't care - but he does.

C*F

yvonne13_2

Chocolate*fish wrote: »

I agree. Mentioning the wedding is a bit of red herring. I can live without going (although I'd prefer to be asked as I don't like the matchmaking element to it and I personally would prefer to go with someone... so you've got someone to dance with, talk to in the bits inbetween etc.)

I think it's a good idea to talk about planning something for a few months time, post-wedding. Thank you

C*F

OP you keep talking about matchmaking, why do you think this will happen?

Serendipitious

yvonne13 wrote: »

OP you keep talking about matchmaking, why do you think this will happen?

Sometimes I think when one sibling gets married, people might automatically joke with another sibling 'Well that's A settled, so you're next.'

I wouldn't worry about matchmaking attempts on the day. Going to the wedding on his own will give him an opportunity to miss you, even more so if someone tries to match him up and he's already happy with you.

As for going places in the Spring or Summer, I'd start with a casual throwaway comment like 'Isn't it nicer now the days are getting longer. Maybe when the weather's better we can go to the coast or something.' And see what he says.

burnoutbabe

I'd find it strange you'd not met his friends. Does he have any? does he see them regularly? can't you suggest that "it would be nice to have a night out down the pub and then you can invite John along". Or at least met his work colleagues, gone along briefly to some work drinks they are having, even if you just pop in for one drink on the way home to say hello.

I went to my new partners sisters wedding 4 months after we met. Which was abroad. And i'd never met his family before. That was a bit intense. I would not have minded if not invited at all (small wedding, they;d not met me, heck we may not have even lasted 4months from the time we booked it) as i know everyone knew he was dating me (as he added me as his girlfriend on facebook )

yvonne13_2

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I'd find it strange you'd not met his friends. Does he have any? does he see them regularly? can't you suggest that "it would be nice to have a night out down the pub and then you can invite John along". Or at least met his work colleagues, gone along briefly to some work drinks they are having, even if you just pop in for one drink on the way home to say hello.

I went to my new partners sisters wedding 4 months after we met. Which was abroad. And i'd never met his family before. That was a bit intense. I would not have minded if not invited at all (small wedding, they;d not met me, heck we may not have even lasted 4months from the time we booked it) as i know everyone knew he was dating me (as he added me as his girlfriend on facebook )

I totally agree. Meeting someones friends is nothing, but after 3 months not one person has seen you or even heard your name then I'm out. Meeting family is totally different so I would wait until we are an offical couple. The minute I'm classed as your girl if I haven't seen not one of your friends or not even a family member then its a bye from me as that tells me all I need to know.

paddyrg

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

From what you've put, that was my first thought, like he's hedging his bets. Hopefully not though, and it's just like people have said that he doesn't want 20 questions off his family.

Families and family experiences are not all the same - I know I used to tell mine as little as I could about my life, ESPECIALLY anything really precious to me.

Could actually be a similar sign

KiKi

paddyrg wrote: »

Families and family experiences are not all the same - I know I used to tell mine as little as I could about my life, ESPECIALLY anything really precious to me.

Could actually be a similar sign

Which is fine - but he needs to explain that to her, so that she understands. Just refusing to answer the question ("why haven't you mentioned me to your family?") and going silent isn't helpful!

OP is quite clear: she doesn't mind if he doesn't want to tell his family yet, or if he wants to take things slower, but she needs to understand why - and I think that's fair enough!