Throwing out my 19 year old step son!

heuchera

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

They way he has behaved and her unreasonable decision making is mostly what lead to the marriage breakdown to begin with. He would do something, I would have a go at him then she would have a go at me for having a go at him. So he just realised that he could do what he wanted when he wanted and that turned him into what he is today...It wasn't about sitting down and all coming to a mutual agreement it was her way only and he abused it. As for taking my daughter away from her mother and her brothers, I did consider it but have decided against it now, as I think she would be better to be raised by a woman and doing girly things...Unless she turns out like her mother that is!

A lot of women posters on here saying they would throw out the husband before the children and that surprises me to be honest, I expected haters on the thread but I cant seem to get my head around how they think letting him carry on in his ways is a good idea, and how quickly they jump to throw out the husband over an unruly child/adult.

He was supposed to be heading off to university last year, that was his plan, but due to his sheer laziness, truanting and unwillingness to do college work he failed the course yet again, for the second year in a row. I was counting down the days thinking great, out of my hair and someone else's problem....nope!

Luckily he has just failed his 4th driving test as he is the type to drive around drunk or high or both

Put your foot down. If she wants to side with her lazy waster of a son it's her problem. He can live and sponge off her, - not your problem. You need to get legal advice on how to split up assets and who is to stay in the property. Unfortunately for you the parent with kids under 18 is likely to be the one who keeps the house so as not to disrupt the children's lives.

Your own daughter can decide for herself who she wants to live with.

I suspect your wife will see things differently when it's her and her alone who's funding this boy's lifestyle and habits. Some women really are their own worst enemy.

POPPYOSCAR

heuchera wrote: »

Put your foot down. If she wants to side with her lazy waster of a son it's her problem. He can live and sponge off her, - not your problem. You need to get legal advice on how to split up assets and who is to stay in the property. Unfortunately for you the parent with kids under 18 is likely to be the one who keeps the house so as not to disrupt the children's lives.

Your own daughter can decide for herself who she wants to live with.

I suspect your wife will see things differently when it's her and her alone who's funding this boy's lifestyle and habits. Some women really are their own worst enemy.

She already is by the sound of things and leads her own life.


They have already been to a solicitor.


The wife presumably does not care and wants to maintain her lifestyle by staying in the house.


I would not want to live like this if I were the OP either but it would seem the only option is to leave and wait another 4 years when the wife would have to agree to the house being sold.

heuchera

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

The wife presumably does not care and wants to maintain her lifestyle by staying in the house.

Half the household income will go though. Only one of the kids is his, so he'll only have to pay maintenance for her.

Wifey will be left paying all the bills, the mortgage, the food and the kids expenses. OP will only have himself to fund, be it in a new rental place or another property.

I think she's going to come down to earth with a bump.

sdoherty1000

The mortgage here is only £250 per month, If I move out I will be looking at £700+ excluding bills. On top of that I know she will argue about how much child maintenance is paid to her. That is where the problem lies, she will be living much cheaper and still going out boozing 2/3 times a week while Ill be scrapping by. She can do extra shifts at work and usually comes out with around £1600/£1700 + £920 in benefits which means she can afford to pay everything.

fabforty

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Of course it does.


According to your other thread, you want to divorce but your wife refuses and refuses to sell the house, and that you are not living as a couple.


This has been the situation for 2 years.


You seem to want someone to come along and tell you that legally you can throw him out of "your house" and there would be nothing your wife could do about it.


It is her house as well.

And not excusing his behaviour but perhaps the situation at home is perpetuating his behaviour. Not causing it, but at the very least it must make it difficult to deal with him effectively. You want to leave your wife, are you surprised that she refuses to throw her child out to please you?

POPPYOSCAR

heuchera wrote: »

Half the household income will go though. Only one of the kids is his, so he'll only have to pay maintenance for her.

Wifey will be left paying all the bills, the mortgage, the food and the kids expenses. OP will only have himself to fund, be it in a new rental place or another property.

I think she's going to come down to earth with a bump.

Not necessarily.


I know some very happy ex-wifes who lead a fabulous lifestyle.

peachyprice

heuchera wrote: »

Is the wife earning her own money and contributing financially? If she isn't then good luck to her and druggy son when he decides to change the locks while they're out.

What absolute rubbish. You can't change the locks and lock someone out of a property they part-own just because they don't earn their own money, what planet are you on?

Flyonthewall

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

As for taking my daughter away from her mother and her brothers, I did consider it but have decided against it now, as I think she would be better to be raised by a woman and doing girly things...Unless she turns out like her mother that is!

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

The mortgage here is only £250 per month, If I move out I will be looking at £700+ excluding bills. On top of that I know she will argue about how much child maintenance is paid to her. That is where the problem lies, she will be living much cheaper and still going out boozing 2/3 times a week while Ill be scrapping by. She can do extra shifts at work and usually comes out with around £1600/£1700 + £920 in benefits which means she can afford to pay everything.

Why do you think your daughter is best off with a woman who goes out boozing multiple times a week and in a horrible environment she doesn't like where her brother can do anything? Just because she'll do some "girly things" with her?

Is she not best off in a safe environment with a parent who is actually there and not out drinking? There are plenty of things you can both do and enjoy! If she wants to do girly things she can do them with her friends or her Mother when she does see her (even if she lived with you it doesn't mean she'll never see her!).

As for maintence, go through the official routes. She can't argue then. Although if she lives with you then you won't be paying maintence for her anyway.

Is there not somewhere cheaper you can move to? Or benefits you could claim? Is it possible for you to get another job or more hours?

In the end though money isn't everything. You work so you do get money, there's plenty of money saving tips on here (and elsewhere online) and moving out means no more living with the son (and his Mother) who you can't stand.

oystercatcher

When I was saying I would throw husband out before children this was before it was clear how bad the behaviour is. I cannot imagine such behaviour from my children. I like to think I would not tolerate such behaviour . Should something like this happen husband and I would be working together to sort this out , totally different from OP situation.

I haven't read the other thread but it seems clear that the OP needs to leave, the mothers behaviour sounds as bad as the son's. It may well be that the OP's daughter is safer with him.

duchy

I'd like to know if the son behaves as badly towards his mother as to his step father.

It also strikes me the OP seems to make a very clear definition between his biological child and the ones he has "only" lived with since they were very young.