Throwing out my 19 year old step son!

sdoherty1000

I have come to the end of my tether with the situation and I am looking for advice from others.

For the last 3 years my partners son has been a nightmare, stealing from his siblings, arrogant, drugs, drinking and general neglect of property and his lack of respect for other family members in the house. He does not listen to any house rules that are set.

He seemed to get worse when he turned 18 with an I can do what I want attitude! He has failed at college yet again, way behind with the coursework and is constantly truant. Yesterday I found out he has broken a laptop that we had repaired only 2 months ago and instead of coming clean to us he just hid it under the bed- The list goes on! and I have had enough!

To the point where we sit down have a conversation about what is expected of him only for him to do as he pleases anyway. Anyway due to not wanting this thread to be as long as the bible I have highlighted just a few of the things he is doing to bring me to this decision....I want him OUT!!!!

There lies the problem, I want him out but his mother just puts up with it because he is her son! Whatever I say falls on deaf ears as if "you cant tell me what to do as your not my father" even though I have raised him for the last 17 years.

Soooooo, I have tried to give him some leeway and allow more than I should only for him to abuse the matter, his mother doesn't mind but I do! Surely I have a right to say "my house my rules" abide by what is set of find somewhere else to live.

I cant get through to him no matter what I try and last week I threw him out for the night in the hope he would realise I was serious with the threat....It didn't work!

Has anyone here thrown out a child when only one parent agreed? I don't care for the ramifications of what she will do...I just want him gone! I cant cope with him anymore and this feeling of him ruling the house just doesn't sit well with me considering, he earns £600 a month, wont pay for anything and just goes out doe's what he wants when he wants wasting his money on drink and drugs.

Ill be totally honest with you, I cant stand him! I cant fathom how we got 3 so right and 1 so wrong!

Now obviously he would need somewhere to go so I would need to approach the council for a home for him but I have no idea how to go about it!

Any advise guys will be greatly appreciated

System

I think your going to have to take on his Mum first.

elsien

Firstly I'd suggest it's not your house, your rules, it's our house our rules.
You can't unilaterally chuck him out because your OH will just let him back in. As she has every right to do in your joint home.
The council will not prioritise a single man who is not vulnerable. He can go on the list, but he's likely to be on it for years. So if you throw him out he will be homeless. That may not bother you, but I'm fairly sure it'll bother your OH.
You need to find a way to talk to your OH about things without getting angry, issuing ultimatums or making it clear you can't stand him. If you can't act consistently together, you're not going to resolve anything.

Guest101

The short answer is you cant.


As advised, your OH will just let him back in.


- Assuming she has legal standing to do so?

sdoherty1000

elsien wrote: »

Firstly I'd suggest it's not your house, your rules, it's our house our rules.
QUOTE]
That's exactly my point, she has no rules and just allows him to do as he pleases! She moved out of her home at the young age of 17 and was pregnant with him by the age of 18.

He is no longer classed as a child so legally (from what I have read) he no longer needs financial support from us. His behaviour is affecting others in the household as well as my sanity to the point of I don't want him here, if she cant see the wood for the trees then that's her choice but I will not be treated in this manner in the home I co-own, why should I?

Anyway back to the original question, what is my next move? Surely we cant be the first ever family faced with this situation

Guest101

Nothing stopping you making life difficult for him...

oystercatcher

I suggest you help him find his own place , rather than chuck him out. if my husband kicked one of my children out of our home I would be kicking husband out......

sdoherty1000

Guest101 wrote: »

Nothing stopping you making life difficult for him...

I am not sure how this was intended but my answer is, He is making other peoples lives difficult in his actions so I can live with the fact that the rest of us will be happier with him gone.

Guest101

oystercatcher wrote: »

I suggest you help him find his own place , rather than chuck him out. if my husband kicked one of my children out of our home I would be kicking husband out......

Which you couldn't legally do.....

Guest101

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

I am not sure how this was intended but my answer is, He is making other peoples lives difficult in his actions so I can live with the fact that the rest of us will be happier with him gone.

I'll spell it out:


If your OH wont kick him out, make him WANT TO LEAVE.

sdoherty1000

oystercatcher wrote: »

I suggest you help him find his own place , rather than chuck him out. if my husband kicked one of my children out of our home I would be kicking husband out......

Do you co-own your home too? Reason I ask is, I received some flack for it in an earlier post about it being our home etc.