Throwing out my 19 year old step son!

sdoherty1000

Guest101 wrote: »

I'll spell it out:


If your OH wont kick him out, make him WANT TO LEAVE.

He has told me this week that he plans on giving up college when the term ends but doesn't want a full time job!

If he leaves he will have no money for his drinking or his drugs!

It is what he needs, he needs a life lesson in the value of money, respecting others, and that life doesn't always seem fair.

I do fully suspect that throwing him out/asking him to leave would turn his whole attitude around

oystercatcher

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

Do you co-own your home too? Reason I ask is, I received some flack for it in an earlier post about it being our home etc.

House is in my name alone, mainly paid for by Ex but am married to current husband so not sure if he has automatic rights. Not that we have issues but in my mind my children have more right to the home than husband.

POPPYOSCAR

I sympathise with you OP but throwing him out is not the answer.




Have you all sat down together, ALL of you the whole family and tried to find a way forward?


You also have to have a united front or he will see he can play one off against the other. There have to sanctions for bad behaviour but not throwing out.


For some, the teenage years are difficult ones, it does get better though.

POPPYOSCAR

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

He has told me this week that he plans on giving up college when the term ends but doesn't want a full time job!

If he leaves he will have no money for his drinking or his drugs!

It is what he needs, he needs a life lesson in the value of money, respecting others, and that life doesn't always seem fair.

I do fully suspect that throwing him out/asking him to leave would turn his whole attitude around

And it might not.


But it could turn your life upsidedown in respect of your wife.


Are you prepared for that?

oystercatcher

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

He has told me this week that he plans on giving up college when the term ends but doesn't want a full time job!

If he leaves he will have no money for his drinking or his drugs!

It is what he needs, he needs a life lesson in the value of money, respecting others, and that life doesn't always seem fair.

I do fully suspect that throwing him out/asking him to leave would turn his whole attitude around

I think you need to work on this as a reality check as to the cost of 'real life' . If he really does want to be independent then hopefully he will find a way. A huge discussion on how his behavious affects others is in order, should have been started years ago but never too late.

POPPYOSCAR

oystercatcher wrote: »

House is in my name alone, mainly paid for by Ex but am married to current husband so not sure if he has automatic rights. Not that we have issues but in my mind my children have more right to the home than husband.

Yes he does.


The house would be taken into account in any divorce settlement along with any other assets as you are married.


And unless you have made a will it will pass to him on your death.

sdoherty1000

We have sat down and talked numerous times, I tell him what I expect from someone living in a property I co-own. We try and come to a mutually beneficially understanding so we are both happy then after a few days it all goes pear shaped and we just end up rowing again. The wife has no issues with anything he has done, the legal highs, the drinking, the arrogance, the damages, and how he treats others...Its a first born type of scenario I think.

What ever happens, he is right and I am wrong, the word is gospel and I just have to deal with it no matter how upsetting or angry I get. I believe he should be paying rent to learn how to manager his money and learn that you cant live scott free yet she wont entertain the idea. I mentioned it when he first turned 18, He would pay so much out of his wages which would be placed in a container ready for a car and insurance etc...To date he hasn't paid a single penny into it.

She pays for everything he needs whilst he goes out and wastes £600 a month on drinking, smoking and cigarettes.
In her mind the kids will come first and I will be second place but its not a way I will live anymore, I will deal with any consequences of this action as I have simply had enough.

POPPYOSCAR

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

We have sat down and talked numerous times, I tell him what I expect from someone living in a property I co-own. We try and come to a mutually beneficially understanding so we are both happy then after a few days it all goes pear shaped and we just end up rowing again. The wife has no issues with anything he has done, the legal highs, the drinking, the arrogance, the damages, and how he treats others...Its a first born type of scenario I think.

What ever happens, he is right and I am wrong, the word is gospel and I just have to deal with it no matter how upsetting or angry I get. I believe he should be paying rent to learn how to manager his money and learn that you cant live scott free yet she wont entertain the idea. I mentioned it when he first turned 18, He would pay so much out of his wages which would be placed in a container ready for a car and insurance etc...To date he hasn't paid a single penny into it.

She pays for everything he needs whilst he goes out and wastes £600 a month on drinking, smoking and cigarettes.
In her mind the kids will come first and I will be second place but its not a way I will live anymore, I will deal with any consequences of this action as I have simply had enough.

It seems like your issues are just as much with your wife as with your step-son, if not more so.


If you cannot agree then you are going nowhere with this and will not be able to throw him out even if you want to.

Guest101

oystercatcher wrote: »

House is in my name alone, mainly paid for by Ex but am married to current husband so not sure if he has automatic rights. Not that we have issues but in my mind my children have more right to the home than husband.

Wow, you're such a catch

pmlindyloo

According to your previous thread things are very difficult between you and your wife.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5401779

I suggest that you need to make some decisions for your own sanity.

If your wife will not sort out the financial aspects of your separating/divorcing (would she go to family mediation?) then you are going to have to decide whether living in relative poverty for the next few years rather than staying where you are is worth your constant frustration/anger/sanity.

Personally I would leave them to it. Then get some legal advice (free if possible) to sort out the financial/children/property bits.

Have you found out how much you would have to pay in child support?

Have you done a budget?

You had lots of advice on the previous post quoted but despite the truth of it, you weren't a happy bunny.

Time to face the reality of the situation.

I feel sorry for the other kids. Must be a nightmare living in that house. Have you a good relationship with them? Would they want to live with you? If they did then you may be the one awarded the house until they are 18 yrs old.