Should I feel bad for not wanting my boyfriend's mum at my "baby shower"?

JethroUK

You already know it's wrong
It's no different than if you didn't invite them to your wedding
Whatever the event you are knowingly excluding your oh family
That's why you haven't told your partner you have rejected his family
You don't need others to tell you this will be the worst decision of your life
You are just fishing for support for a crazy decision

FreddieFrugal

duchy wrote: »

You have to wonder why they aren't crying for their husband or partner if they are indeed adults and not children having children.

You're being very judgemental...

Your Mum doesn't stop being your mum as you age. I can see how some women would want their mum there. Who better as a birth partner than the woman who gave birth to you?

There's a very deep and loving connection there - so it should come as no surprise whatsoever that women who have had good relationships with their mothers would want them there.

If they truly just want their partner then that's up to them.

I know people with brilliant mothers and useless unsupportive partners and people who have it the other way around.

It doesn't make them childish either way.

lulu_92

JethroUK wrote: »

You already know it's wrong
It's no different than if you didn't invite them to your wedding
Whatever the event you are knowingly excluding your oh family
That's why you haven't told your partner you have rejected his family
You don't need others to tell you this will be the worst decision of your life
You are just fishing for support for a crazy decision

I don't think you have read the whole thread. If you have then you've just picked what you want to read.

I genuinely did not know that in laws come to this kind of thing. When I was told otherwise I was reluctant for some reasons I've listed in this thread.

I have not "rejected his family", which you would know had you read further posts from me.

I wouldn't say it would be the worst decision of my life but I did feel that it wasn't worth making a big deal out of, especially when I'm already under a lot of stress elsewhere in my life.

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

I don't think you have read the whole thread. If you have then you've just picked what you want to read.

I genuinely did not know that in laws come to this kind of thing. When I was told otherwise I was reluctant for some reasons I've listed in this thread.

I have not "rejected his family", which you would know had you read further posts from me.

I wouldn't say it would be the worst decision of my life but I did feel that it wasn't worth making a big deal out of, especially when I'm already under a lot of stress elsewhere in my life.

lulu
I was going to tell Jethro that he was waaaaay out-of-date with his comments and clearly hadn't read your later posts but you beat me to it.

mummyroysof3

Read the whole thread but not replied till now. I'm torn as to the answer to your dilema really as not inviting her can look look like you excluding her but on the other hand it's your life and you are quite entitled to spend time with who you choose without feeling you have to invite other people too.

I don't like the concept of baby showers and have never had one even though I have 3 kids.

Kaye1

tatabubbly wrote: »

Duchy, no offense but that's really unfair. I'm 27, first baby and I'd give anything to have my mum there for a bit of reassurance afterwards. Because A. My husband is a man who has never experienced childbirth like me B. My mum has had 5 kids, she knows what it's like and could help coach me through it. C. Sometimes a hug from your mum is the only thing that can calm you when your upset and worried.

Doesn't mean I'm not mature enough to carry and bear a child, just means I love my mum, I respect her and I know she'd always be there for me.. Unlike hubby who could faint at the big moment (many men do) :rotfl:

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Kim_kim

duchy wrote: »

Really ?

Were you a really young Mum ?

The only person I saw doing that in hospital was really young girl

I don't think older Mums tend to feel the same

I was at the birth of both of my grandchildren, as was their father. My daughter wanted us both there.
She's not a gym slip mum!
She's my only child & we are close.

Pollycat

Kim_kim wrote: »

I was at the birth of both of my grandchildren, as was their father. My daughter wanted us both there.
She's not a gym slip mum!
She's my only child & we are close.

I don't see anything wrong with that.
I thnk it's really sad that the OP does want her Mum with her at the hospital but feels she can't have her wish because it would upset her MIL:

lulu_92 wrote: »

I don't plan on excluding one side of the family. Like I said, I really want my mum at the hospital but because I think this would upset his mum, I don't think I can.

It sounds like she's constantly walking on eggshells so as not to upset her in-laws - and her OH can't see her point.
It must be exhausting for her.

SingleSue

I didn't want my mum there but only because I was worried it would upset her too much (things did not quite go to plan with two of the deliveries), plus, what I really really wanted was to go to a nice comfy place hiding under a duvet and away from all that was going on.

My parents were the first people outside of me and hubby to see eldest but that was only because hubby didn't drive and they had to pick him up and take him home (his mum was not widowed at the time and her husband was a bit 'funny' about doing stuff like that). Even though I had been cleaned up a bit, mum was still very distressed by what she saw, so my choice not to have her there during the labour/delivery was a good one.

Re visitors, prior to having our eldest, our plan was to restrict visitors to our home for the first few days, on arriving home, our views changed completely as we wanted to show off our new baby without the hassle of having to go out and about with him...after 10 long days in hospital with very restricted visiting hours, I needed proper human contact and a good gossip!

Whilst in hospital, I do remember one night everyone and his wife seemingly turning up to visit. I got a little overwhelmed with it but just excused myself from the melee and me and hubby went for a quiet walk to the dayroom for a few minutes and let them get on with it. To be honest, it was quite nice for us to have a chance to talk about our new arrival and all that had happened without a baby wanting feeding or a nurse hovering to check vitals etc.

lulu_92

Pollycat you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. No matter how constructively I approach something, they can't see my point of view.

I'm going to start putting my foot down as at the end of the day I am the one having to give birth to two babies and I'm the one carrying both of them (in my ribs I may add!!) until that day comes, which should give me more rights to do what I want (within reason of course!)