Should I feel bad for not wanting my boyfriend's mum at my "baby shower"?

lulu_92

dktreesea wrote: »

He didn't agree?! So who else does he have in mind to invite along to see "the show"? Your OH sounds like he needs a visit from a frying pan when it gets to this subject. Giving birth, above all, is intimate. Who exactly does he have in mind to invite along to watch? And why would he want anyone other than him to see your intimate parts? Does he get that his job is to support you during your pregnancy and the birth? And thereafter?

Oh it's not like he wants the world at the birth (fat chance if he did anyway). I think he doesn't want me to make any rash decisions that I may regret.

pigpen

jjj1980 wrote: »

This is so very true!! I remember sobbing on the shoulder one of the midwives during the days after having my daughter that I just wanted my mum.

When my daughter went in to have her son her partner was adamant it would just be the 2 of them.. I had JUST got into bed and I got a call from her partner.. I have no idea to this day what he was saying because in the background all I could hear was ' I WANT MY MUMMY!!!' I just said I'll be there in half an hour..

I've had a LOT of call like that in the last 4 years haha!


I just cried I wanted to go home it didn't hurt there! .. logical thinking of course!

meritaten

lulu - you have said a few times you don't feel supported by your OH - but, it could be read that he is TRYING to reassure you! my OH often comes across as 'dismissive' when he is trying to reason with me, or calm me down!
as for advice from relatives - Listen, Smile appreciatively and IGNORE IT!

duchy

jjj1980 wrote: »

This is so very true!! I remember sobbing on the shoulder one of the midwives during the days after having my daughter that I just wanted my mum.

Really ?

Were you a really young Mum ?

The only person I saw doing that in hospital was really young girl

I don't think older Mums tend to feel the same

pigpen

duchy wrote: »

Really ?

Were you a really young Mum ?

The only person I saw doing that in hospital was really young girl

I don't think older Mums tend to feel the same

Wow.. rude much? Why is that even relevant?

A 'really young girl' would probably not be physically mature enough to have a baby.. a young woman might..

There was a woman crying for her mum when I had my 7th.. she was 38, frightened and wanted someone she trusted.. she had twin boys over 8lb each!! She had to have a transfusion after a PPH and wanted someone there with her. There is no shame in that!

I had my mother as my birthing partner when I was 30.. you take who will make you feel safe and speak for you when you cannot do it yourself.

If I wanted my mother with me when I had this one she would come with me if possible.. however, OH wants to be there and they only allow 1 person in with super-high-risk cases.

duchy

Unfortunately girls can be physically mature enough to carry and bear a child in their early teens - and to be honest a woman in her thirties crying for their mother -when she's now a parent herself is somewhat worrying.

You have to wonder why they aren't crying for their husband or partner if they are indeed adults and not children having children.

surveyqueenuk

I don't have kids. So my opinion might be completely invalid here but I'm pretty sure that all women do not have the same experience of pregnancy, childbirth and post-partum.


Amongst my pals, friend S says both her pregnancies were a doddle. Friend E almost died during childbirth though and is still suffering with PTSD.


E screamed for her mother too. And, yes, she's in her thirties. Why wasn't she screaming for her partner? Because the ratbag had left her for another woman, that's why. She had nobody else but her mother. Not everyone gives birth under the same circumstances so it's probably better to reserve judgements as we do not know what is going on in people's lives.

kitty_cat_2

Slightly off topic but I remember asking my niece-to-be to come with me to look at wedding dresses when me and hubby were planning the wedding. Second marriage for both of us and N2B was in her late 20s, I didn't really know her very well before this so thought it would be a nice 'bonding' day. When we got back to her house she whipped out a photo of hubby and his ex wife - yep very strange as apparently they had never been very close. I wasn't invited to her hen party but hubby was invited to her husband to be's stag day. I try my best to avoid her as much as possible these days due to other issues involving her husband. I would never invite them to our house. Reading back it makes me sound very bitter, I'm really not tho. :T
And don't get me started on my SIL, she !!!!!es about her Mum, sisters, nieces, friends, daughter, work colleagues etc so must !!!!! about me, that's why I keep my distance. I think OP needs to keep her baby shower to her close family and friends and call it a get together. Not all families are nice ��

tatabubbly

duchy wrote: »

Unfortunately girls can be physically mature enough to carry and bear a child in their early teens - and to be honest a woman in her thirties crying for their mother -when she's now a parent herself is somewhat worrying.

You have to wonder why they aren't crying for their husband or partner if they are indeed adults and not children having children.

Duchy, no offense but that's really unfair. I'm 27, first baby and I'd give anything to have my mum there for a bit of reassurance afterwards. Because A. My husband is a man who has never experienced childbirth like me B. My mum has had 5 kids, she knows what it's like and could help coach me through it. C. Sometimes a hug from your mum is the only thing that can calm you when your upset and worried.

Doesn't mean I'm not mature enough to carry and bear a child, just means I love my mum, I respect her and I know she'd always be there for me.. Unlike hubby who could faint at the big moment (many men do) :rotfl:

ViolaLass

duchy wrote: »

Unfortunately girls can be physically mature enough to carry and bear a child in their early teens - and to be honest a woman in her thirties crying for their mother -when she's now a parent herself is somewhat worrying.

You have to wonder why they aren't crying for their husband or partner if they are indeed adults and not children having children.

Do you have to?